vlcd_hell wrote:

I've spent years trying to undo my European upbringing where
high-quality well-prepared good food paired with beautiful wine is
seen as one of the most celebrated and life-giving and cherished joys
in one's daily life. Instead I've tried to get my head into the
American athletic view of "food is merely fuel." And as fuel, you eat
only the cleanest foods possible in the lowest amounts possible and
only when you work out. These people tend to be thin and trim.

you appear to have serious emotional problems. have you considered
seeking therapy?