Lori wrote:

Just trying to stop destroying my success. My therapist would have a field
day with this. "why don't you feel like you can be successful, Lori?. Is
it
because Curt is losing his battle, so why should you succeed at yours?"

probably, but unless you have gone or are going through the painful slow
death of your best friend and lover, you have no idea how I feel.
I feel like my thoughts are constantly jumbling from paralyzing pre-grief
that makes me want to go with him when he goes, to having my practical
side
start planning what I am going to do when this is over. that makes me feel
bad like How dare I make plans when he won't ever have plans again??/....


Lori, you are being much too hard on yourself.

You sound so blue, and who wouldn't be? But please don't pile a load of self
punishment on top of your other burdens.

Many people have trouble controlling their eating when depressed and
overwhelmed. I know you would like us to suggest something to help you avoid
these "binges". The tricks work when life is normal, but for you it is not.

I don't think that the question you imagine your therapist asking is
appropriate now. Maybe your therapist can help you find a way to be kind to
yourself and to help you deal with your grief and stress.