Zaz wrote:

Hi guys.

This is the worst night ever.

I suppose it all started yesterday when my daughter, otherwise always so
charming, kept throwing tantrums at me (she's really getting into the
Terrible Two's... with a vengance). I have a babysitter at home (I work at
home) every weekday but Thursdays, where I am alone with my two kids. And it
seems that no matter what I do, Mlle C (my daughter) has it in her head that
it's more fun to scream and cry when alone with mommy than with the
babysitter - who doesn't take that kind of s*. Anyway, I felt really low
last night, but I kept on the plan.

Today was different. I spent the day replying to stupid emails, and then
went shopping. Didn't find anything - or, I must admit, didn't want to find
anything; I seem to have a blocage from buying things for myself before I
get to goal, but this doesn't make sense: I must find new clothes, maternity
clothes just look bad on me now!

Anyway, I just ordered the ribs and chicken filet from the rotisserie, with
fries, and gobbled it all down. With two beers. Great. Over 40 points in one
meal. And I have a dinner at the restaurant planned for tomorrow, for which
I had saved my weekly bonus allowance.

I am thinking I can still make it OK at the restaurant, but I feel really
stupid for having indulged in a crappy meal. What's wrong with me? I was
doing sooo well.

Well, I know what's wrong with me. It's me eating my guilt over not being
able to have a nice day with my daughter, for not being "as good" as the
babysitter. Deep down inside I do know that her actions are normal, she's
testing her grounds, but on the other hand I find reason and emotions to be
sometimes so wide apart.
Mmm.. Well, that's better. Only writing helps realizing that first, I
shouldn't feel guilty over what happened yesterday, and second, knowing
that, I shouldn't feel guilty about my binge tonight - I can get right back
on track, I've been so good, I can be good again.


Observe the babysitter: what does she do that fails to let the tantrums
explode? Do the same! She's a professional - no shame in copying her!
I ignored the tantrums, made sure the baby was safe, and withdrew to
another room: no audience = no tantrum! I binned any toys he destroyed
and refused to replace them. That also worked! James blew a gasket
maybe once a week rather than several times a day as he knew it would
get nothing from me but the cold shoulder. By 18 months old he was good
at sincere apologies!

NEVER feel guilty about this sort of thing: ALL kids test boundaries.
They will complain when they hit them, but you can just ignore that.

And yes - you CAN get back on track and do this. Doesn't matter if it
takes 3 goes or 43 goes: you'll get there in the end.
--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!