Avoiding Sabateurs

Chris Braun wrote:

Well, people don't give me sweets a lot :-). But when we have stuff
at home that we don't want to eat -- like leftovers from a party or
leftover Halloween trick-or-treat candy -- I just take it in to the
office and put it out in the lunch room. It's always gone in 30
minutes or less.

Oooh! I take stuff to the post office! As long as it's on the lobby
side of the counter and my friend can't get her hands on it, the
customers will gobble it up.

This summer some kind soul has been leaving cukes and tomatoes. Healthy
snacks at the PO!!!

--
Walking (but mostly biking!) on . . .
Laurie in Maine
207/110 60 inches of attitude!
Start: 2/02 Maintained since 2/03

Chris Braun wrote:

Well, people don't give me sweets a lot :-). But when we have stuff
at home that we don't want to eat -- like leftovers from a party or
leftover Halloween trick-or-treat candy -- I just take it in to the
office and put it out in the lunch room. It's always gone in 30
minutes or less.

Oooh! I take stuff to the post office! As long as it's on the lobby
side of the counter and my friend can't get her hands on it, the
customers will gobble it up.

This summer some kind soul has been leaving cukes and tomatoes. Healthy
snacks at the PO!!!

--
Walking (but mostly biking!) on . . .
Laurie in Maine
207/110 60 inches of attitude!
Start: 2/02 Maintained since 2/03

On Tue, 14 Sep 2004 17:54:05 GMT, Cathe B
wrote:

Any other ideas?

The trash can. And then tell your friend that while you appreciate her
thought, your not eating brownies and she shouldn't bring them.

Then tell her where the ones she does bring wind up.


Barbara Hirsch, Publisher
OBESITY MEDS AND RESEARCH NEWS
The latest in obesity research and weight loss drug development
http://www.obesity-news.com/

On Tue, 14 Sep 2004 17:54:05 GMT, Cathe B
wrote:

Any other ideas?

The trash can. And then tell your friend that while you appreciate her
thought, your not eating brownies and she shouldn't bring them.

Then tell her where the ones she does bring wind up.


Barbara Hirsch, Publisher
OBESITY MEDS AND RESEARCH NEWS
The latest in obesity research and weight loss drug development
http://www.obesity-news.com/

"SnugBear" wrote in message
.4...
Chris Braun wrote:

Well, people don't give me sweets a lot :-). But when we have stuff
at home that we don't want to eat -- like leftovers from a party or
leftover Halloween trick-or-treat candy -- I just take it in to the
office and put it out in the lunch room. It's always gone in 30
minutes or less.

Oooh! I take stuff to the post office! As long as it's on the lobby
side of the counter and my friend can't get her hands on it, the
customers will gobble it up.

This summer some kind soul has been leaving cukes and tomatoes. Healthy
snacks at the PO!!!

--

That's one of the great things about living in a small community. If you
left something in the post office in a larger town they would be calling the
bomb squadg

Beverly







Walking (but mostly biking!) on . . .
Laurie in Maine
207/110 60 inches of attitude!
Start: 2/02 Maintained since 2/03

"SnugBear" wrote in message
.4...
Chris Braun wrote:

Well, people don't give me sweets a lot :-). But when we have stuff
at home that we don't want to eat -- like leftovers from a party or
leftover Halloween trick-or-treat candy -- I just take it in to the
office and put it out in the lunch room. It's always gone in 30
minutes or less.

Oooh! I take stuff to the post office! As long as it's on the lobby
side of the counter and my friend can't get her hands on it, the
customers will gobble it up.

This summer some kind soul has been leaving cukes and tomatoes. Healthy
snacks at the PO!!!

--

That's one of the great things about living in a small community. If you
left something in the post office in a larger town they would be calling the
bomb squadg

Beverly







Walking (but mostly biking!) on . . .
Laurie in Maine
207/110 60 inches of attitude!
Start: 2/02 Maintained since 2/03

Cathe B wrote:

I used brownies as an example, but with the disability taking over my
body, some well meaning friends are offering to cook meals for me..a
pretty cool thing. But, yes, I like what people are saying. I have noted
there are two people who seem intent on testing my willpower.

That certainly does make it harder... mostly because it isn't a straight
sabotage situation. Helpful friends not helping perfectly requires MUCH
more tact than I can reliably exhibit, so don't use anything *I* suggested!

I'll definitely put the bug in the ear about preferences.

This is the crux of what I don't know how to do. You've got to remember
that food is religion: people deeply believe the stuff they believe
about food. Asking someone to not bring you brownies when they're
trying to nuture your soul might be akin to asking your priest to please
drop by with some porn magazines because you're tired of Good
Housekeeping. :-)

I don't think I caught what your disability is: in fact, I don't recall
what your weight situation is, either. I'll google later when I have
time, but if you don't mind filling me in I'd appreciate it! I'm mostly
wondering if this is a temporary situation or major adjustments you're
making from here on out. I'd handle the two scenarios differently.

Dally

Subject: Avoiding Sabateurs
From: Ignoramus13229 lid
Date: 9/14/2004 2:51 PM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

In article , Lictor
wrote:
"Ignoramus13229" wrote in message
...
The less attractive types are those who want to see you fail at least
once and to prove that you don't have the willpower, and who offer you
brownies for sinister reasons. If they are not repulsed by a polite
no, escalate your refusal and do not be afraid to be not particularly
polite, as they deserve it.

For these, finding new friends might also be a good idea. I mean, if people
are actively and consciously trying to sabotage your life, maybe you don't
need to call them friends. Some people are just noxious.

Sometimes, yes, sometimes, they are okay in some respects and need a
****ing lesson.

My FIL once decided to make a point and force feed me something I did
not want, I said I did not want it, several times, politely, he did
not listen and stuck it into my plate. I took it out and put it back
with some show of force. That was enough of a lesson for him. He is
not a terrible person, as such, he sometimes does dumb things, even
though he has high IQ, as evidenced by his chess playing etc.


My mother is a *nurse*!...and she still tries to force things on me I couldn't
possibly eat and usually never would anyway. Just the other day she was
telling me that if I didnt have a piece of the banana bread she had made she
was going to be hurt and hold it against me. I told her (for about the
billionth time since DX...)I am a T2!!! You are a nurse! I am only D&E right
now. (And she has no nutritional info as its a home recipe...) Why on Earth
she tries to get me to eat baked potatoes and pasta and desserts is just beyond
me - especially when she knows better. She has a license to practice medicine,
for Pete's sake.

I think its a combination of denial and that age-old deep-rooted idea that food
is love. I just wish she'd snap out of it and realize LOVE is love...and carby
foods are...well, to me, the devil.



As for the refusal strategy, one advice I have read is to keep to
the simple "no, I don't want any brownie" and repeat it ad
nauseam. You don't have to justify yourself, beyond the fact that
you don't *want* that brownie. If you try to justify yourself,
you're exposing weaknesses and room for arguments. People will try
to pick your arguments appart and outwit you or show your
contradictions. But really, the only argument you need for not
wanting to eat brownies is that you don't want to eat brownies. It's
perfectly self sufficient. Food is like sex, what gets in your body
is your own decision to make, there is no arguing with it.



Pretty much, many things work and refusing food is not a big problem
for me personally. Of course, I am not trying too hard to please
everybody.

My brother, who is off his rocker at times when it comes to refusing things,
claims a rule of three: after you say no three times and the person still
insists, he claims you have to accept the food anyway, whether you want it or
not. *I* say that after three refusals (especially if the offerer is aware of
my diabetes) I have the right to become indignant at that point. I would
question the motives of anyone trying to pass off something to me they KNOW
will make me ill. With most sincere people, all it takes is a no, or at most a
'no, thank you, I'm diabetic', and a smile. To me if it takes more than that,
this person isnt someone with whom I want to be sharing food in the first
place!

--
DJ
JM$.02

Subject: Avoiding Sabateurs
From: Ignoramus13229 lid
Date: 9/14/2004 2:51 PM Eastern Standard Time
Message-id:

In article , Lictor
wrote:
"Ignoramus13229" wrote in message
...
The less attractive types are those who want to see you fail at least
once and to prove that you don't have the willpower, and who offer you
brownies for sinister reasons. If they are not repulsed by a polite
no, escalate your refusal and do not be afraid to be not particularly
polite, as they deserve it.

For these, finding new friends might also be a good idea. I mean, if people
are actively and consciously trying to sabotage your life, maybe you don't
need to call them friends. Some people are just noxious.

Sometimes, yes, sometimes, they are okay in some respects and need a
****ing lesson.

My FIL once decided to make a point and force feed me something I did
not want, I said I did not want it, several times, politely, he did
not listen and stuck it into my plate. I took it out and put it back
with some show of force. That was enough of a lesson for him. He is
not a terrible person, as such, he sometimes does dumb things, even
though he has high IQ, as evidenced by his chess playing etc.


My mother is a *nurse*!...and she still tries to force things on me I couldn't
possibly eat and usually never would anyway. Just the other day she was
telling me that if I didnt have a piece of the banana bread she had made she
was going to be hurt and hold it against me. I told her (for about the
billionth time since DX...)I am a T2!!! You are a nurse! I am only D&E right
now. (And she has no nutritional info as its a home recipe...) Why on Earth
she tries to get me to eat baked potatoes and pasta and desserts is just beyond
me - especially when she knows better. She has a license to practice medicine,
for Pete's sake.

I think its a combination of denial and that age-old deep-rooted idea that food
is love. I just wish she'd snap out of it and realize LOVE is love...and carby
foods are...well, to me, the devil.



As for the refusal strategy, one advice I have read is to keep to
the simple "no, I don't want any brownie" and repeat it ad
nauseam. You don't have to justify yourself, beyond the fact that
you don't *want* that brownie. If you try to justify yourself,
you're exposing weaknesses and room for arguments. People will try
to pick your arguments appart and outwit you or show your
contradictions. But really, the only argument you need for not
wanting to eat brownies is that you don't want to eat brownies. It's
perfectly self sufficient. Food is like sex, what gets in your body
is your own decision to make, there is no arguing with it.



Pretty much, many things work and refusing food is not a big problem
for me personally. Of course, I am not trying too hard to please
everybody.

My brother, who is off his rocker at times when it comes to refusing things,
claims a rule of three: after you say no three times and the person still
insists, he claims you have to accept the food anyway, whether you want it or
not. *I* say that after three refusals (especially if the offerer is aware of
my diabetes) I have the right to become indignant at that point. I would
question the motives of anyone trying to pass off something to me they KNOW
will make me ill. With most sincere people, all it takes is a no, or at most a
'no, thank you, I'm diabetic', and a smile. To me if it takes more than that,
this person isnt someone with whom I want to be sharing food in the first
place!

--
DJ
JM$.02

Dally wrote:

This is the crux of what I don't know how to do. You've got to
remember that food is religion: people deeply believe the stuff they
believe about food. Asking someone to not bring you brownies when they're
trying to nuture your soul might be akin to asking your priest to
please drop by with some porn magazines because you're tired of Good
Housekeeping. :-)

That just makes no sense to me. I have to admit that I am a bit of a
pushover when it comes to wanting to please people and avoid making waves
but honestly, if someone is so disproportionately attached to the idea of
bringing me food that they might get the vapors and suffer palpitations if I
calmly explain that it isn't helping me and I prefer that they not do it,
then that's their problem not mine. One shouldn't have one's life made more
complicated just because someone else thinks food is the answer to life's
problems.

There is a time to be nice to other people and there is a time to be nice to
yourself. Most people will get it if it's explained to them tactfully. If
they DON'T get it when it's explained tactfully, then consider tact wasted
on them and be forceful about it. They're grownups. They should be able to
handle it.

(I've had to deal with a bit of this lately)

--
PL
(320/291/170)
(First mini-goal: 299 Reached! 08/26/04)
(Second mini-goal: 279)


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