Falling apart

There will be no hiding, no spinning, and no sugar-coating the truth in
this post.

If it wasn't for exercising, I would probably be halfway back to regaining
everything by now. I am about to smash through my first month of smobriety.
In laymen's terms, it's almost a month since I quit smoking.

I have been doing really well on not smoking. One of the best, but hardest
things about quitting has been all these repressed emotions coming to the
surface. I knew I liked to smoke, I knew I was physically addicted, but I
had no idea that using nicotine was actually a way to avoid feelings.
Well, apparently it was, because now I've turned into an emotional eater
instead.

I do fine in the beginning of my day. I eat a normal, healthy, small
portioned low-carb meal before heading to my part time afternoon job. I am
fine at work. I resist partaking in the high-carb snacks. But when I get
home, it all falls apart. I start eating and I don't stop until I go to
sleep. I try to distract myself by going for a walk, but I come back in
and start eating again. I chew gum, but I spit it out and start eating
again. I try to butch up, and it works for 20 minutes or so, then I eat
again. I eat until I am in pain. I hate it. I hate it and I don't know
how to stop. It's like part of me wants to hurt myself, and part of me is
standing there screaming at that part to ****ing stop it, and I literally
feel like I'm going crazy.

I have a long list of the possible emotional reasons for why I am eating,
but I don't know where to start or even what to do about any of them. I
have been keeping a journal and writing everything down, hoping it would be
somehow cathartic, but it seems pointless. I've always been someone who
needs to actually do something productive and pragmatic to solve problems,
but there is nothing I can do to fix the things I am upset about. Knowing
I can't fix these things doesn't make the pain stop though. I have to stop
eating. I have to, or I am just going to add one more problem.

But what then? I get the eating under control, and then what? I'll start
drinking? Doing heroin? I have to fix what's actually wrong, but I don't
know how.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

"Luna" wrote in message
...
There will be no hiding, no spinning, and no sugar-coating the truth in
this post.

If it wasn't for exercising, I would probably be halfway back to regaining
everything by now. I am about to smash through my first month of
smobriety.
In laymen's terms, it's almost a month since I quit smoking.

I have been doing really well on not smoking. One of the best, but
hardest
things about quitting has been all these repressed emotions coming to the
surface. I knew I liked to smoke, I knew I was physically addicted, but I
had no idea that using nicotine was actually a way to avoid feelings.
Well, apparently it was, because now I've turned into an emotional eater
instead.

I do fine in the beginning of my day. I eat a normal, healthy, small
portioned low-carb meal before heading to my part time afternoon job. I
am
fine at work. I resist partaking in the high-carb snacks. But when I get
home, it all falls apart. I start eating and I don't stop until I go to
sleep. I try to distract myself by going for a walk, but I come back in
and start eating again. I chew gum, but I spit it out and start eating
again. I try to butch up, and it works for 20 minutes or so, then I eat
again. I eat until I am in pain. I hate it. I hate it and I don't
know
how to stop. It's like part of me wants to hurt myself, and part of me is
standing there screaming at that part to ****ing stop it, and I literally
feel like I'm going crazy.

I have a long list of the possible emotional reasons for why I am eating,
but I don't know where to start or even what to do about any of them. I
have been keeping a journal and writing everything down, hoping it would
be
somehow cathartic, but it seems pointless. I've always been someone who
needs to actually do something productive and pragmatic to solve problems,
but there is nothing I can do to fix the things I am upset about. Knowing
I can't fix these things doesn't make the pain stop though. I have to
stop
eating. I have to, or I am just going to add one more problem.

But what then? I get the eating under control, and then what? I'll start
drinking? Doing heroin? I have to fix what's actually wrong, but I don't
know how.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

Have you tried taking l-glutamine as a stop gap measure. I realise that
this is simplistic but it couldn't hurt. I used to take it in pill form
which was 500 mg and it didn't do as much. I've recently tried the powder
form which I add to a drink and it is 5g per dose and seems more effective.

You may just have to ride out this roller coaster and try not to gain. Your
exercise is helping you minimise the damage till your body is used to life
without nicotine. You can resume weight loss when you have a handle on it.

Another thing that might help is minimise the food on hand that is ready to
eat.

Sid...

"Luna" wrote in message
...
There will be no hiding, no spinning, and no sugar-coating the truth in
this post.

If it wasn't for exercising, I would probably be halfway back to regaining
everything by now. I am about to smash through my first month of
smobriety.
In laymen's terms, it's almost a month since I quit smoking.

I have been doing really well on not smoking. One of the best, but
hardest
things about quitting has been all these repressed emotions coming to the
surface. I knew I liked to smoke, I knew I was physically addicted, but I
had no idea that using nicotine was actually a way to avoid feelings.
Well, apparently it was, because now I've turned into an emotional eater
instead.

I do fine in the beginning of my day. I eat a normal, healthy, small
portioned low-carb meal before heading to my part time afternoon job. I
am
fine at work. I resist partaking in the high-carb snacks. But when I get
home, it all falls apart. I start eating and I don't stop until I go to
sleep. I try to distract myself by going for a walk, but I come back in
and start eating again. I chew gum, but I spit it out and start eating
again. I try to butch up, and it works for 20 minutes or so, then I eat
again. I eat until I am in pain. I hate it. I hate it and I don't
know
how to stop. It's like part of me wants to hurt myself, and part of me is
standing there screaming at that part to ****ing stop it, and I literally
feel like I'm going crazy.

I have a long list of the possible emotional reasons for why I am eating,
but I don't know where to start or even what to do about any of them. I
have been keeping a journal and writing everything down, hoping it would
be
somehow cathartic, but it seems pointless. I've always been someone who
needs to actually do something productive and pragmatic to solve problems,
but there is nothing I can do to fix the things I am upset about. Knowing
I can't fix these things doesn't make the pain stop though. I have to
stop
eating. I have to, or I am just going to add one more problem.

But what then? I get the eating under control, and then what? I'll start
drinking? Doing heroin? I have to fix what's actually wrong, but I don't
know how.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

Have you tried taking l-glutamine as a stop gap measure. I realise that
this is simplistic but it couldn't hurt. I used to take it in pill form
which was 500 mg and it didn't do as much. I've recently tried the powder
form which I add to a drink and it is 5g per dose and seems more effective.

You may just have to ride out this roller coaster and try not to gain. Your
exercise is helping you minimise the damage till your body is used to life
without nicotine. You can resume weight loss when you have a handle on it.

Another thing that might help is minimise the food on hand that is ready to
eat.

Sid...

Luna wrote:

There will be no hiding, no spinning, and no sugar-coating the truth in
this post.

If it wasn't for exercising, I would probably be halfway back to regaining
everything by now. I am about to smash through my first month of smobriety.
In laymen's terms, it's almost a month since I quit smoking.

I have been doing really well on not smoking. One of the best, but hardest
things about quitting has been all these repressed emotions coming to the
surface. I knew I liked to smoke, I knew I was physically addicted, but I
had no idea that using nicotine was actually a way to avoid feelings.
Well, apparently it was, because now I've turned into an emotional eater
instead.

I do fine in the beginning of my day. I eat a normal, healthy, small
portioned low-carb meal before heading to my part time afternoon job. I am
fine at work. I resist partaking in the high-carb snacks. But when I get
home, it all falls apart. I start eating and I don't stop until I go to
sleep. I try to distract myself by going for a walk, but I come back in
and start eating again. I chew gum, but I spit it out and start eating
again. I try to butch up, and it works for 20 minutes or so, then I eat
again. I eat until I am in pain. I hate it. I hate it and I don't know
how to stop. It's like part of me wants to hurt myself, and part of me is
standing there screaming at that part to ****ing stop it, and I literally
feel like I'm going crazy.

I have a long list of the possible emotional reasons for why I am eating,
but I don't know where to start or even what to do about any of them. I
have been keeping a journal and writing everything down, hoping it would be
somehow cathartic, but it seems pointless. I've always been someone who
needs to actually do something productive and pragmatic to solve problems,
but there is nothing I can do to fix the things I am upset about. Knowing
I can't fix these things doesn't make the pain stop though. I have to stop
eating. I have to, or I am just going to add one more problem.

But what then? I get the eating under control, and then what? I'll start
drinking? Doing heroin? I have to fix what's actually wrong, but I don't
know how.

therapy.

not kidding, not being sarcastic, NOT PICKING ON YOU. ok?

get some help. you don't have to keep going forever. just use it to
work through this stuff.

Luna wrote:

There will be no hiding, no spinning, and no sugar-coating the truth in
this post.

If it wasn't for exercising, I would probably be halfway back to regaining
everything by now. I am about to smash through my first month of smobriety.
In laymen's terms, it's almost a month since I quit smoking.

I have been doing really well on not smoking. One of the best, but hardest
things about quitting has been all these repressed emotions coming to the
surface. I knew I liked to smoke, I knew I was physically addicted, but I
had no idea that using nicotine was actually a way to avoid feelings.
Well, apparently it was, because now I've turned into an emotional eater
instead.

I do fine in the beginning of my day. I eat a normal, healthy, small
portioned low-carb meal before heading to my part time afternoon job. I am
fine at work. I resist partaking in the high-carb snacks. But when I get
home, it all falls apart. I start eating and I don't stop until I go to
sleep. I try to distract myself by going for a walk, but I come back in
and start eating again. I chew gum, but I spit it out and start eating
again. I try to butch up, and it works for 20 minutes or so, then I eat
again. I eat until I am in pain. I hate it. I hate it and I don't know
how to stop. It's like part of me wants to hurt myself, and part of me is
standing there screaming at that part to ****ing stop it, and I literally
feel like I'm going crazy.

I have a long list of the possible emotional reasons for why I am eating,
but I don't know where to start or even what to do about any of them. I
have been keeping a journal and writing everything down, hoping it would be
somehow cathartic, but it seems pointless. I've always been someone who
needs to actually do something productive and pragmatic to solve problems,
but there is nothing I can do to fix the things I am upset about. Knowing
I can't fix these things doesn't make the pain stop though. I have to stop
eating. I have to, or I am just going to add one more problem.

But what then? I get the eating under control, and then what? I'll start
drinking? Doing heroin? I have to fix what's actually wrong, but I don't
know how.

therapy.

not kidding, not being sarcastic, NOT PICKING ON YOU. ok?

get some help. you don't have to keep going forever. just use it to
work through this stuff.

In article ,
(The Queen of Cans and Jars) wrote:


therapy.

not kidding, not being sarcastic, NOT PICKING ON YOU. ok?

get some help. you don't have to keep going forever. just use it to
work through this stuff.

Thanks. Yeah, I've been thinking about it. I went to therapy once, for a
few months, and I felt like it was a big waste of time. Just talking about
stuff doesn't fix anything. And I don't even know what the "stuff" is that
I need to work through. I know I've dealt with stress and anxiety by being
orally fixated at least since I was 4 years old, because that's when I
stopped chewing on my hair and moved to biting my nails. So it may be that
this is just my personality.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

In article ,
(The Queen of Cans and Jars) wrote:


therapy.

not kidding, not being sarcastic, NOT PICKING ON YOU. ok?

get some help. you don't have to keep going forever. just use it to
work through this stuff.

Thanks. Yeah, I've been thinking about it. I went to therapy once, for a
few months, and I felt like it was a big waste of time. Just talking about
stuff doesn't fix anything. And I don't even know what the "stuff" is that
I need to work through. I know I've dealt with stress and anxiety by being
orally fixated at least since I was 4 years old, because that's when I
stopped chewing on my hair and moved to biting my nails. So it may be that
this is just my personality.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

Michelle - two comments for you...

1. You say that it "all falls apart" once you get home...maybe you should
make plans to get out of the house. I have a good friend who sometimes gets
into negative patterns at the end of the day when she's home, so she makes
all kinds of plans to keep her out of the house until she's feeling more
stable.

2. If I remember from a previous post, you were smoking 3 packs a day,
correct? Why did you decide to give up 60 smokes a day cold-turkey? It's
possible that cold-turkey is the best method for your personality type, and
that you already know this...but I would have given myself a few weeks of
cutting back to 2 packs, then 1, then 10 cigs, etc. I don't want to
encourage you to step backwards, but you did decide to take on a lot all at
once. No one would fault you for taking it slowly.

S t a c i

"Luna" wrote in message
...
There will be no hiding, no spinning, and no sugar-coating the truth in
this post.

If it wasn't for exercising, I would probably be halfway back to regaining
everything by now. I am about to smash through my first month of
smobriety.
In laymen's terms, it's almost a month since I quit smoking.

I have been doing really well on not smoking. One of the best, but
hardest
things about quitting has been all these repressed emotions coming to the
surface. I knew I liked to smoke, I knew I was physically addicted, but I
had no idea that using nicotine was actually a way to avoid feelings.
Well, apparently it was, because now I've turned into an emotional eater
instead.

I do fine in the beginning of my day. I eat a normal, healthy, small
portioned low-carb meal before heading to my part time afternoon job. I
am
fine at work. I resist partaking in the high-carb snacks. But when I get
home, it all falls apart. I start eating and I don't stop until I go to
sleep. I try to distract myself by going for a walk, but I come back in
and start eating again. I chew gum, but I spit it out and start eating
again. I try to butch up, and it works for 20 minutes or so, then I eat
again. I eat until I am in pain. I hate it. I hate it and I don't
know
how to stop. It's like part of me wants to hurt myself, and part of me is
standing there screaming at that part to ****ing stop it, and I literally
feel like I'm going crazy.

I have a long list of the possible emotional reasons for why I am eating,
but I don't know where to start or even what to do about any of them. I
have been keeping a journal and writing everything down, hoping it would
be
somehow cathartic, but it seems pointless. I've always been someone who
needs to actually do something productive and pragmatic to solve problems,
but there is nothing I can do to fix the things I am upset about. Knowing
I can't fix these things doesn't make the pain stop though. I have to
stop
eating. I have to, or I am just going to add one more problem.

But what then? I get the eating under control, and then what? I'll start
drinking? Doing heroin? I have to fix what's actually wrong, but I don't
know how.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

Michelle - two comments for you...

1. You say that it "all falls apart" once you get home...maybe you should
make plans to get out of the house. I have a good friend who sometimes gets
into negative patterns at the end of the day when she's home, so she makes
all kinds of plans to keep her out of the house until she's feeling more
stable.

2. If I remember from a previous post, you were smoking 3 packs a day,
correct? Why did you decide to give up 60 smokes a day cold-turkey? It's
possible that cold-turkey is the best method for your personality type, and
that you already know this...but I would have given myself a few weeks of
cutting back to 2 packs, then 1, then 10 cigs, etc. I don't want to
encourage you to step backwards, but you did decide to take on a lot all at
once. No one would fault you for taking it slowly.

S t a c i

"Luna" wrote in message
...
There will be no hiding, no spinning, and no sugar-coating the truth in
this post.

If it wasn't for exercising, I would probably be halfway back to regaining
everything by now. I am about to smash through my first month of
smobriety.
In laymen's terms, it's almost a month since I quit smoking.

I have been doing really well on not smoking. One of the best, but
hardest
things about quitting has been all these repressed emotions coming to the
surface. I knew I liked to smoke, I knew I was physically addicted, but I
had no idea that using nicotine was actually a way to avoid feelings.
Well, apparently it was, because now I've turned into an emotional eater
instead.

I do fine in the beginning of my day. I eat a normal, healthy, small
portioned low-carb meal before heading to my part time afternoon job. I
am
fine at work. I resist partaking in the high-carb snacks. But when I get
home, it all falls apart. I start eating and I don't stop until I go to
sleep. I try to distract myself by going for a walk, but I come back in
and start eating again. I chew gum, but I spit it out and start eating
again. I try to butch up, and it works for 20 minutes or so, then I eat
again. I eat until I am in pain. I hate it. I hate it and I don't
know
how to stop. It's like part of me wants to hurt myself, and part of me is
standing there screaming at that part to ****ing stop it, and I literally
feel like I'm going crazy.

I have a long list of the possible emotional reasons for why I am eating,
but I don't know where to start or even what to do about any of them. I
have been keeping a journal and writing everything down, hoping it would
be
somehow cathartic, but it seems pointless. I've always been someone who
needs to actually do something productive and pragmatic to solve problems,
but there is nothing I can do to fix the things I am upset about. Knowing
I can't fix these things doesn't make the pain stop though. I have to
stop
eating. I have to, or I am just going to add one more problem.

But what then? I get the eating under control, and then what? I'll start
drinking? Doing heroin? I have to fix what's actually wrong, but I don't
know how.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.

In article ,
Luna wrote:

Thanks. Yeah, I've been thinking about it. I went to therapy once, for a
few months, and I felt like it was a big waste of time. Just talking about
stuff doesn't fix anything. And I don't even know what the "stuff" is that
I need to work through. I know I've dealt with stress and anxiety by being
orally fixated at least since I was 4 years old, because that's when I
stopped chewing on my hair and moved to biting my nails. So it may be that
this is just my personality.

Michelle...talking is what leads to learning what the "stuff" is that
you need to work thru. There are lots of wonderful tools that
therapists can use to help you thru whatever it is that you learn.
Jeez...I hope that made sense! Anyway, therapy isn't a waste of time
with the right therapist. The key is in finding the right one. Easier
said than done, I know! Regardless, I'll send positive thoughts your
way.

HTH and Aloha...Sue