No weight loss this week.

On 8 Oct 2003 11:09:50 -0400, Wendy wrote:

Jayjay wrote:

I thought this sig was so sweet. I really miss my four year old
daughter. Sadly, she's nearly 13 and has turned into the Ice Princess
from Hell. She tells me she hates me almost daily. (Because I get her to
school late most days. Her private school that I can't afford and that
has no busing and is in another town and makes me not be able to take
clients all afternoon because I have to stop in the middle to go get
her. That school.) My boys still love me, though.

I've got to ask - why the priivate school then?

The biggest reason is that she needed to skip a grade and the school we
sent her to is self-paced so she could work through 6th, 7th, and 8th
grade in two years. She's in her second year there. It's doing just what
we hoped it would do academically, but it puts her with children who have
access to privileges we can't normally afford and the snotty element has
gone up several points beyond what it normally would have at this age.

Good enough reason. :-) (wish there was something like that here
for DS)

I'm sure alothas to do with the age, and alot has to do with the
social pressures at the school. Its hard being the
"underpriviledged" one in a social school like that. In reality,
she's not really underpriviledged, but in comparison w/ the kids she's
in school with, then she is.

I know with DS, he has the opportunity open to go to a certain school
in town for the gifted kids. On one hand, being in the accellerated
and gifted program in the main stream public school gives him the more
equal social status, he is still not challenged enough by that
program. Switching to the 100% gifted school *might* challenge him
more accedemically, but the pitfalls are the social structure - the
other "more priviledged" kids who had parents pay a physcologacal
evaluation to get the kid into the school The social pressures and
the cliques are very strong at the school. Not to mention is geared
to acedemics, not sports. For DS, I feel it is more important for
him to learn good social skills, (many gifted people tend to struggle
in that area) w/ the kids in his age group and have the opportunity
for team sports and interaction that he truely enjoys.

In your daughter's case, you know you are giving her alot more than
you had as a kid, and you are able to provide her with things that
alot of people in your social/economic status may not, because of the
sacrifices you make. But because she is in a school w/ people of a
different socioeconomic status, she may be resentful that she is not
in that status group, therefore is taking it out on you.

Its tough being a teen. :-)


This would all work better if I were able to build my business more, but I
can't get the time in between all my exercising and all my child-care
duties to get much client work done! (I need to go back on EC so I can
get the energy boost to work from 9 pm to midnight again.)

The sacrifices we make are always hard. On one hand you want to be a
"mom" to your kids and provide that upbringing for them. On the
other hand you want the best for your kids, which requires a greater
income, which requires more time away from your kids in order to build
your business in order to generate the income.

A further sacrifice somewhere would have to be made.

Ignoramus792 wrote:
This would all work better if I were able to build my business more, but I
can't get the time in between all my exercising and all my child-care
duties to get much client work done! (I need to go back on EC so I can
get the energy boost to work from 9 pm to midnight again.)

just get used to the idea that it is impossible with kids hanging off you.

Since I've had children I've managed to achieve some pretty major things,
including a master's degree, passing the CPA exam and starting my own
fairly successful business. Over the years I've worked full-time,
part-time, been home full-time and my current incarnation of working a mix
of full-time and part-time seasonally while working from home.

In all this time I've never said, "geez, I guess it can't be done." I
just find a way to do it. Now, admittedly, I got fat during these years
because something always has to slip. It tended to be my own needs.

So now I'm struggling to balance the needs of my business, the needs of my
family and my own needs... just like always except the elements of the
struggle have changed a bit. I'm not giving up on ANY of them, even my
snotty kid. But I do have to struggle with it. As always.

Wendy

Jayjay wrote:
On 8 Oct 2003 11:09:50 -0400, Wendy wrote:
I'm sure a lot has to do with the age, and alot has to do with the
social pressures at the school. Its hard being the
"underpriviledged" one in a social school like that. In reality,
she's not really underpriviledged, but in comparison w/ the kids she's
in school with, then she is.

This lack of perspective is nearly driving me crazy with frustration.
Children with her privileges just CANNOT be considered underprivileged.
We've got leather bucket seats in our Previa minivan! No, it's not a
Hummer or $50,000 SUV, but it's several notches above a used Dodge
Caravan. I'm happy and feel lucky. I just wish there were a way for her
to spot good fortune when it comes up and bites her on the ass.

Once she called me a "Devil Mother" because I made her go outside and play
with her brothers on our play structure. (I call it 'structured
playtime'.) It resulted in one of my ugliest mothering moments, when I
tried to explain to her what an actual devil mother WAS. (Hint, it wasn't
one that made her children go outside and play on a nice afternoon.) My
attempts to explain what an ugly world there is outside her yard didn't
work, of course.

I know with DS, he has the opportunity open to go to a certain school
in town for the gifted kids. On one hand, being in the accellerated
and gifted program in the main stream public school gives him the more
equal social status, he is still not challenged enough by that
program. Switching to the 100% gifted school *might* challenge him
more accedemically, but the pitfalls are the social structure - the
other "more priviledged" kids who had parents pay a physcologacal
evaluation to get the kid into the school The social pressures and
the cliques are very strong at the school. Not to mention is geared
to acedemics, not sports. For DS, I feel it is more important for
him to learn good social skills, (many gifted people tend to struggle
in that area) w/ the kids in his age group and have the opportunity
for team sports and interaction that he truely enjoys.

I'm not sure that our kids need to be challenged all the time. I am
content for my son to work on his particular weaknesses and to be
sufficiently engaged in school so that he's not actively miserable, but
I'm not in a rush to impart all the knowledge in the world into him before
he turns 18. (I am in a rush for my 5th grader to learn to spell, but
that's another thread for misc.kids.)

In your daughter's case, you know you are giving her alot more than
you had as a kid, and you are able to provide her with things that
alot of people in your social/economic status may not, because of the
sacrifices you make. But because she is in a school w/ people of a
different socioeconomic status, she may be resentful that she is not
in that status group, therefore is taking it out on you.

I had an odd childhood. I was the child of a poor little rich girl. My
mother was impoverished in the way of someone who never had to be
successful because she'd always be bailed out by her parents. My
grandparents were a constant safety net and provided the extras - a trip
to France, music lessons, most of my wardrobe, eventually tuition at Mount
Holyoke - but my mother herself never had money. My parents were divorced
and my father was comfortably middle-class in a wholesome sort of
way: with more actual spending money but less actual opportunities, if you
know what I mean.

I'm raising my kids in a cross between my two parents: we have investments
and opportunities because there's still a shadow of trustfund money back
there somewhere, but we earn our own keep. We're upper middle class but
that status is only one job-loss away from lower middle class and I
realize which things are extras and which things aren't. She can't tell.

Its tough being a teen. :-)

Yes.

Wendy

Ignoramus792 wrote:
try spending more time with her but giving her less help in chores.

My attempts to spend more time with her only exacerbate the problem.
I prefer to engage in active things with the kids, whether it's walking
with the dog in the park or playing in the yard or going shopping. She
prefers to hang out in her room wearing headphones. If she must leave her
room it's to talk on the phone or use the computer. (She isn't allowed to
have either in her room.) Spending time with dear-old-Mom isn't on her
top 10 list of things to do.

In reality, I only force her to join me when there's a particular need,
like helping me with raking or because I'd like her help on a shopping
trip.

e.g. do homework together, walk etc, but do not wash her damn
clothes. or something. Make sure that she does not feel rejected, but
knows about her duties.

Someone else mentioned that she should wash her own clothes. I've
resisted this because I make all the kids help with laundry and we do it
as a joint effort sorted by colors. For example, I've got a load of
whites up on the line right now. My youngest son helped hang the socks on
the drying rack and all the kids will help with sorting and folding the
clothes when we bring them in. They all help with hanging it out,
too. (We rarely use the dryer.) If she did her own then we'd use more
water and it would be more bother overall, in my opinion.

But the kids have plenty of chores. My daughter cleans all three
bathrooms, helps with cooking, childcare, pet care and cleans her own
room. My 10 year old son helps with cooking, pet care, cleans his own
room and does all the vacuuming. The four year old picks up books, hangs
out socks and sets the table. They also have a variety of chores
associated with my business, including filing and shredding and taking
phone calls.

Wendy

"Jayjay" wrote in message
...
On 8 Oct 2003 09:05:42 -0400, Wendy wrote:

I agree. I have a few household projects that really burn calories. One
of them is trimming my hedges. I've got huge hedges, over 100 years old
and over my head. I move the step-ladder, climb up it, swing the
trimmer,
step down, move the ladder, repeat. It's a 4 hour workout! I also did a
project involving 900 pounds of tile and lots of stairs (tile saw
downstairs, tile upstairs) and THAT was a hell of a lot of work.

My favorite is mulching the landscape islands out front. 50 bags,
50lbs each. Lug from the bed of the truck, cut open, dump, spread w/
rake. This is done 3 times a year. So its a rare workout, but a
good one.


But even the everyday stuff can work up a sweat. We turned on our heat
yesterday (FINALLY!) and we had to dust all radiators everywhere. And
that means we dusted everywhere, in essence. I didn't get a workout in
yesterday officially, but by the time I had done all the housework I was
sweating and exhausted. That counts, believe me.

If you have stairs in your home, all the better for workouts. I
miss homes w/ stairs


I thought this sig was so sweet. I really miss my four year old
daughter. Sadly, she's nearly 13 and has turned into the Ice Princess
from Hell. She tells me she hates me almost daily. (Because I get her
to
school late most days. Her private school that I can't afford and that
has no busing and is in another town and makes me not be able to take
clients all afternoon because I have to stop in the middle to go get
her. That school.) My boys still love me, though.


I've got to ask - why the priivate school then?

Household chores are awesome workouts! Defitnitely count them! Scrubbing the
kitchen floor or the bathroom, hauling garbage, doing yard work, it's all go
od.

Martha