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"Phil M." wrote in message ... Leafing through alt.support.diet, I read Chris Braun's message of 16 Dec 2004: On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 08:00:48 +0000, (janice) wrote: I can't relate consciously to any of the things on the list you've quoted, but sometimes I do wonder if I get scared of drawing too much attention to myself - I absolutely *hate* the comments that come when I lose weight, and can feel myself dreading them. In some peverse way, I want to lose weight but I don't want anyone else to notice. I know what you mean about this. I find myself rather dreading going places where I'll see people whom I haven't seen in a year or two. I know they mean to be flattering, but I find it really awkward and uncomfortable. But usually they get over it after a while and then we can enjoy each other again :-). I get uncomfortable when they start wanting to know how I did it. "So what did you do, go on Atkins?" "What motivated you?" They mean well, so I try to be nice, but it gets old. I've grown weary of trying to explain the concept of "caloric deficit." Most of the people in my life (work, family, social) pretty much knew I did HMR to lose my weight so I didn't get a lot of questions about how - more like asking for details about what it was like. A year later I find that I'm getting a lot of questions about how I've kept off the weight as most people are surprised to see that I haven't gained it all back. I reply "watch what I eat 98% of the time and regular exercise." Jenn |
#42
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"Phil M." wrote in message ... Leafing through alt.support.diet, I read Chris Braun's message of 16 Dec 2004: On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 08:00:48 +0000, (janice) wrote: I can't relate consciously to any of the things on the list you've quoted, but sometimes I do wonder if I get scared of drawing too much attention to myself - I absolutely *hate* the comments that come when I lose weight, and can feel myself dreading them. In some peverse way, I want to lose weight but I don't want anyone else to notice. I know what you mean about this. I find myself rather dreading going places where I'll see people whom I haven't seen in a year or two. I know they mean to be flattering, but I find it really awkward and uncomfortable. But usually they get over it after a while and then we can enjoy each other again :-). I get uncomfortable when they start wanting to know how I did it. "So what did you do, go on Atkins?" "What motivated you?" They mean well, so I try to be nice, but it gets old. I've grown weary of trying to explain the concept of "caloric deficit." Most of the people in my life (work, family, social) pretty much knew I did HMR to lose my weight so I didn't get a lot of questions about how - more like asking for details about what it was like. A year later I find that I'm getting a lot of questions about how I've kept off the weight as most people are surprised to see that I haven't gained it all back. I reply "watch what I eat 98% of the time and regular exercise." Jenn |
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"janice" wrote in message ... On Thu, 9 Dec 2004 10:18:27 -0500, "Mary M/Ohio" wrote: I was intrigued with the idea when I first heard it a few years ago (from Dr. Phil, I think) -- that we remain overweight for some "payoff" reason that is usually unconscious. I had a hard time with that one, feeling as though I would do anything to be thin, and hated being fat. Yet despite *22 years* of trying to get below 200, making more effort toward losing weight than anyone else I knew, I couldn't do it. Now that I'm reading "The Solution" by Laurel Mellin, I'm reminded of this concept because there's a section in there called "The Hidden Benefits of Body Size." I found it intriguing enough to quote here and hope it will spark some thought and conversation: "Maintaining a body size larger than our biologic comfort zone is how we send wordless messages to others. Even if we spend years dieting and sweating off pounds, this voice will express itself through a relentless sabotage that results in weight staying rock solid. "Little or none of this is conscious. We don't *purposely* sabotage our healthy eating and scuttle our exercise plans to keep our weight high, *but it may still be happening.* We seem to spontaneously regain the weight without really knowing why. "What is our challenge? To give that voice words and sound so that it can speak directly and stop expressing itself through extra weight." Then it goes on and gives examples of case studies of people who used their weight to say, "I don't want you to know me. Stay away." or "I feel powerless. Taking up space gives me power." or "Don't expect too much from me." None of these reasons was realized consciously, and some of the people were "aghast" to find out what they were using their weight to say. There's also a box with many common messages people use: "What does your weight say for you? "Don't notice me. I am not important. I am powerful. I feel powerless. I am a good mother. Feel sorry for me. I don't want sex. I am stable and dependable. Don't mess with me. Don't expect too much of me. I am not perfect. Stay away from me. I feel angry. I am afraid to be all I can be. I am not worthy. I have given up. I am loyal to my family. I don't want to grow up. I don't want you to judge me. I reject you. I need space. I need love." I immediately recognized, "I don't want to grow up," and perhaps "I need space," as well as "I need love" and a few more. I want to examine more of these and see which apply -- indeed that's what the author suggests: "Obviously, our weight speaks to the world in paragraphs, not just sentences. If you maintain a slight distance ... saying to yourself, "I wonder what my weight says for me now?" you'll probably come back to this question over and over again, and come up with a different answer each time. All the sentiments that your weight communicates for you can be brought to your awareness and expressed verbally. Each time you use words, not your weight, to express yourself, you'll *need* the extra weight less. Then it becomes easier and easier to attain the weight you've determined is best for your health and happiness." If this rings a bell for any of you, I highly recommend borrowing this book from the library. Again, it's "The Solution" by Laurel Mellin. Mary M 325-163-145 Thanks for posting this Mary. I know there's something in the ideas put forward here, but I've never been able to quite pin down how it applies to me. I strongly suspect that there may be more than just falling off the wagon for me, like you I've struggled to lose weight (for 40 yearsin my case) and never quite got down to where I want to be. I can't relate consciously to any of the things on the list you've quoted, but sometimes I do wonder if I get scared of drawing too much attention to myself - I absolutely *hate* the comments that come when I lose weight, and can feel myself dreading them. In some peverse way, I want to lose weight but I don't want anyone else to notice. Sounds an interesting book - I'm going to look out for it. janice Sorry I missed this post, Janice! And sorry to quote from the very beginning since my original was very long (lots of scrolling necessary to get here!) -- but since it's been awhile, I thought the context might help if someone else is reading it. I really am not sure how this all applies to me, either, but it sure resonated when I read it. In fact, I should go back and re-read my own list I came up with -- I know I started a new post with it, so I'll have to go back and look. Especially now, because emotional eating seems to go with Christmas for me, especially when lots of my family is home. Lots of old feelings and dynamics. And while visiting with my family is very enjoyable, there's a fair amount of overeating going on for me, including "eat it because it's sitting there" as well as emotionally-fueled eating. I know that if I begin using my food journal I will do better, but I also recognize that I don't want to keep the food journal. I want to continue eating whatever I want in significant quantities -- but day after day of that is certainly showing in my clothes. I don't want to enter panic mode because I am really trying to remove the drama and emotion from the whole weight thing -- I think that will help me more than anything right now. My weight problem has been lifelong like yours -- and I know that "unhandled" emotions are definitely part of the mix -- I am not always in touch with what they are, though. It did help me to grab a pen when I was writing my own "What does my weight say for me?" list, and I just wrote stream-of-consciousness and didn't allow myself to edit what I was writing (kind of like this post, LOL). It turned out that I didn't even understand some of the things I wrote -- but they were there because they came out of the pen. :-) "Unconscious" writing has always been a great tool for me, and I ought to use it more. (I find it works better using a pen than a computer. I edit too much while typing.) What won't "jell" in my head if I think about it sometimes comes out quite plainly on paper if I just write without thinking. And sometimes it's a little more obscure. Hmmm -- I'm not being very clear here, but somehow just writing this does help to get my focus back on good eating habits -- I want to eat healthy and not overload myself with junk which does nothing for me except make me fatter and tired and uncomfortable in my clothes. Why do I think that is rewarding? I need to more clearly connect the junk food in my hand with the tighter pants and jackets. Mary |
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"Chris Braun" wrote in message ... On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 08:00:48 +0000, (janice) wrote: I can't relate consciously to any of the things on the list you've quoted, but sometimes I do wonder if I get scared of drawing too much attention to myself - I absolutely *hate* the comments that come when I lose weight, and can feel myself dreading them. In some peverse way, I want to lose weight but I don't want anyone else to notice. I know what you mean about this. I find myself rather dreading going places where I'll see people whom I haven't seen in a year or two. I know they mean to be flattering, but I find it really awkward and uncomfortable. But usually they get over it after a while and then we can enjoy each other again :-). Funny, because I love this experience. I truly look forward to seeing people who do not recognize me, and revel in all the fuss. I must be an attention hound at heart. :-) Mary |
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On 30 Dec 2004 02:18:09 GMT, SnugBear wrote:
Mary M/Ohio wrote: Funny, because I love this experience. I truly look forward to seeing people who do not recognize me, and revel in all the fuss. I must be an attention hound at heart. :-) Me too. Just today I met one of the neighbors while snowshoeing in the woods. She asked if I was trying to lose *more* weight and when I assured her I was simply maintaining, she wanted to know how much I had lost altogether. I enjoyed the whole encounter. I have a fan club g I guess my aversion to comments is due in some part to the fact that every time I've lost major amounts I've regained it - all the attention just serves to tell me how much people must equally notice when I put the weight on, it's just that they're usually too polite to say so. IMO it's impolite to comment on weight loss unless you know the person is able to take it. Personally I would never comment on changes in people's weight either way unless they actually ask for my comments. janice |
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#47
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"janice" wrote in message ... On 30 Dec 2004 02:18:09 GMT, SnugBear wrote: Mary M/Ohio wrote: Funny, because I love this experience. I truly look forward to seeing people who do not recognize me, and revel in all the fuss. I must be an attention hound at heart. :-) Me too. Just today I met one of the neighbors while snowshoeing in the woods. She asked if I was trying to lose *more* weight and when I assured her I was simply maintaining, she wanted to know how much I had lost altogether. I enjoyed the whole encounter. I have a fan club g I guess my aversion to comments is due in some part to the fact that every time I've lost major amounts I've regained it - all the attention just serves to tell me how much people must equally notice when I put the weight on, it's just that they're usually too polite to say so. IMO it's impolite to comment on weight loss unless you know the person is able to take it. Personally I would never comment on changes in people's weight either way unless they actually ask for my comments. janice I can see your point. I think we need to take our cue from the person losing the weight. If they've made it known they're trying to lose weight then I think they might like our acknowledgment we can see it. I don't hesitate to compliment other members in the WW-at-work program. I also make it a point to never discuss weight with the former members of the program who have dropped out and regained weight. I know how hard it is to lose and maintain a weight loss. I imagine they feel terrible about the situation and I would never say anything to hurt their feelings. Beverly |
#48
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"Chris Braun" wrote in message
... For me it isn't anything like that. It's just that it feels weird to have people talking about my body, and I never have much to say back to them. I mean, a brief compliment is fine, and of course I can say "thanks". That pretty much describes how I feel. I'm uncomfortable with people talking about my body and I just felt very invaded during my weight loss. And if someone is seriously interested I'm happy to talk with them about how I did it. It's the gushing I can't take: "Oh, you look amazing! Aren't you so much happier?? Did you do Atkins? How much have you lost?" -- etc. Or then there are all the unasked-for excuses about why the person talking to me can't lose weight: "I wish I had time to exercise! I just can't live without carbs! I just don't have willpower! My metabolism is just too slow!" -- etc. And I really don't like not knowing whether I'm going to even be recognized by people and having to tell people who I am. I hate walking into a room and having the whole group's attention distracted from whatever they were doing and focused on my weight loss. I just feel like, "Yeah, so what, I lost weight. What's the big deal?" I feel like sending a scout ahead of me to tell everyone I've lost weight so they won't be so startled when I walk in :-). Or at least will know who I am! The other night I ran into someone I hadn't seen in a year - so she'd seen the weight loss version of me but still didn't recognize me right away. She said it was good that she recognized my voice. Rather than go on about the weight loss she expressed genuine surprise and pleasure that I'd kept the weight off. I have to say I wasn't all that uncomfortable about that! I'm at a point now where there are very few people who haven't seen the weight loss version of me so I think the whole surprise thing is done (I hope). Jenn |
#49
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"Chris Braun" wrote in message
... For me it isn't anything like that. It's just that it feels weird to have people talking about my body, and I never have much to say back to them. I mean, a brief compliment is fine, and of course I can say "thanks". That pretty much describes how I feel. I'm uncomfortable with people talking about my body and I just felt very invaded during my weight loss. And if someone is seriously interested I'm happy to talk with them about how I did it. It's the gushing I can't take: "Oh, you look amazing! Aren't you so much happier?? Did you do Atkins? How much have you lost?" -- etc. Or then there are all the unasked-for excuses about why the person talking to me can't lose weight: "I wish I had time to exercise! I just can't live without carbs! I just don't have willpower! My metabolism is just too slow!" -- etc. And I really don't like not knowing whether I'm going to even be recognized by people and having to tell people who I am. I hate walking into a room and having the whole group's attention distracted from whatever they were doing and focused on my weight loss. I just feel like, "Yeah, so what, I lost weight. What's the big deal?" I feel like sending a scout ahead of me to tell everyone I've lost weight so they won't be so startled when I walk in :-). Or at least will know who I am! The other night I ran into someone I hadn't seen in a year - so she'd seen the weight loss version of me but still didn't recognize me right away. She said it was good that she recognized my voice. Rather than go on about the weight loss she expressed genuine surprise and pleasure that I'd kept the weight off. I have to say I wasn't all that uncomfortable about that! I'm at a point now where there are very few people who haven't seen the weight loss version of me so I think the whole surprise thing is done (I hope). Jenn |
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