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#1
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Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts
I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would start
having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I myself am still overweight, so I have absolutely no justification for judging others. Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really nasty thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this very large woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me, and she smacked me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt, painfully wrenching my neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said "It's ok" but inside I was thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately ashamed for thinking that. Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_ time, I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are in front of me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get around them. Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is room for them to walk two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a big stick in between them and prying them apart so I can get by. When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight people, unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be transferring my own insecurities and frustrations onto other people, seeing in them what I don't like about myself. I don't know these people, I don't ever roll my eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they most likely have no idea of the inner vitriol in my head, but I am hurting myself by it. I don't like being angry and frustrated. I feel like these thoughts are poison. -- Michelle Levin http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws. |
#2
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Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts
Be calm. I get them to. I think it is because you want to make sure you
don't regain your weight. At least that is what I think. I really never paid attention to it much until the past year. I just want to hate being over weight I think. I don't have hate for fat people, but it is a way of telling myself I don't want to be a fat cow ever again. Curt "Luna" wrote in message ... I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would start having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I myself am still overweight, so I have absolutely no justification for judging others. Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really nasty thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this very large woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me, and she smacked me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt, painfully wrenching my neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said "It's ok" but inside I was thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately ashamed for thinking that. Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_ time, I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are in front of me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get around them. Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is room for them to walk two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a big stick in between them and prying them apart so I can get by. When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight people, unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be transferring my own insecurities and frustrations onto other people, seeing in them what I don't like about myself. I don't know these people, I don't ever roll my eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they most likely have no idea of the inner vitriol in my head, but I am hurting myself by it. I don't like being angry and frustrated. I feel like these thoughts are poison. -- Michelle Levin http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws. |
#3
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Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts
Or.....I hope this isn't the case..., Maybe I want to not care about my
weight anymore and just eat what I want, so I take it out on the fat people because I am jealous that they don't care and eat what they want. Hmmm, I like my first thought better. Curt "Luna" wrote in message ... I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would start having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I myself am still overweight, so I have absolutely no justification for judging others. Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really nasty thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this very large woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me, and she smacked me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt, painfully wrenching my neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said "It's ok" but inside I was thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately ashamed for thinking that. Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_ time, I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are in front of me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get around them. Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is room for them to walk two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a big stick in between them and prying them apart so I can get by. When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight people, unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be transferring my own insecurities and frustrations onto other people, seeing in them what I don't like about myself. I don't know these people, I don't ever roll my eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they most likely have no idea of the inner vitriol in my head, but I am hurting myself by it. I don't like being angry and frustrated. I feel like these thoughts are poison. -- Michelle Levin http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws. |
#4
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Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts
Or.....I hope this isn't the case..., Maybe I want to not care about my
weight anymore and just eat what I want, so I take it out on the fat people because I am jealous that they don't care and eat what they want. Hmmm, I like my first thought better. Curt "Luna" wrote in message ... I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would start having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I myself am still overweight, so I have absolutely no justification for judging others. Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really nasty thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this very large woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me, and she smacked me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt, painfully wrenching my neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said "It's ok" but inside I was thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately ashamed for thinking that. Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_ time, I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are in front of me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get around them. Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is room for them to walk two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a big stick in between them and prying them apart so I can get by. When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight people, unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be transferring my own insecurities and frustrations onto other people, seeing in them what I don't like about myself. I don't know these people, I don't ever roll my eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they most likely have no idea of the inner vitriol in my head, but I am hurting myself by it. I don't like being angry and frustrated. I feel like these thoughts are poison. -- Michelle Levin http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws. |
#5
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Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts
On Thu, 29 Jul 2004 00:15:09 GMT, Luna
wrote: I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would start having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I myself am still overweight, so I have absolutely no justification for judging others. Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really nasty thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this very large woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me, and she smacked me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt, painfully wrenching my neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said "It's ok" but inside I was thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately ashamed for thinking that. Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_ time, I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are in front of me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get around them. Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is room for them to walk two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a big stick in between them and prying them apart so I can get by. When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight people, unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be transferring my own insecurities and frustrations onto other people, seeing in them what I don't like about myself. I don't know these people, I don't ever roll my eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they most likely have no idea of the inner vitriol in my head, but I am hurting myself by it. I don't like being angry and frustrated. I feel like these thoughts are poison. Don't worry. You are not alone. I think that all of us that are losing weight look down on fat people. It's a normal reaction. BUT if you think mean thoughts such as why doesn't that fat pig just lose weight it's taking it too far. Put yourself in their position. Remember how it was when you were fat. How people made fun of you and stared. Fat people have feelings. Gary Nichols 6'4" tall with big frame. 280 pounds 1 year ago 207 pounds now. 185 pounds goal weight. |
#6
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Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts
curt wrote:
Or.....I hope this isn't the case..., Maybe I want to not care about my weight anymore and just eat what I want, so I take it out on the fat people because I am jealous that they don't care and eat what they want. Hmmm, I like my first thought better. I am impressed that you are willing to look this closely at your self, at your feelings behind your thoughts -- I am not sure what your motivation is for thinking those things, but I am impressed with your honesty and your willingness to explore WHY you might think this way. Curt "Luna" wrote in message ... I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would start having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I myself am still overweight, so I have absolutely no justification for judging others. Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really nasty thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this very large woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me, and she smacked me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt, painfully wrenching my neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said "It's ok" but inside I was thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately ashamed for thinking that. Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_ time, I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are in front of me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get around them. Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is room for them to walk two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a big stick in between them and prying them apart so I can get by. When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight people, unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be transferring my own insecurities and frustrations onto other people, seeing in them what I don't like about myself. I don't know these people, I don't ever roll my eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they most likely have no idea of the inner vitriol in my head, but I am hurting myself by it. I don't like being angry and frustrated. I feel like these thoughts are poison. -- Michelle Levin http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws. -- nimue "If I had created reality television I would have had a much greater influence, but then I would have had to KILL MYSELF." Joss Whedon |
#7
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Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts
Luna, I had those thoughts when I weighed 300 pounds. I would--and still
do--look at people fatter than myself and feel superior because I am not THAT fat. Yes, they are absurd thoughts and feelings but we really can't control them, we just need to recognize them for what they are--irrational--and make sure we never act on them. We can control our actions and doing so is the sign of an adult. You acted kindly toward the woman, just what you should have done. In , Luna stated | I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would | start having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I | myself am still overweight, so I have absolutely no justification for | judging others. | | Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really | nasty thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this | very large woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me, | and she smacked me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt, | painfully wrenching my neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said | "It's ok" but inside I was thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately | ashamed for thinking that. | | Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_ | time, I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are | in front of me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get | around them. Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is | room for them to walk two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a | big stick in between them and prying them apart so I can get by. | | When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight | people, unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be | transferring my own insecurities and frustrations onto other people, | seeing in them what I don't like about myself. I don't know these | people, I don't ever roll my eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they | most likely have no idea of the inner vitriol in my head, but I am | hurting myself by it. I don't like being angry and frustrated. I | feel like these thoughts are poison. | | -- | Michelle Levin | http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick | | I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 | flaws. |
#8
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Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts
I think part of it for me is feeling how "easy" it was to lose all of the
current weight because of LC. I think it suddenly seems like those still heavy are "lazier" than us by not just getting out there and dropping 80lbs or so ;-) Whereas, I don't think those people that exercise like mad to stay thin feel necessarily the same way, because it's a hella lotta work to do it their way :-) |
#9
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Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts
FOB wrote:
Luna, I had those thoughts when I weighed 300 pounds. I would--and still do--look at people fatter than myself and feel superior because I am not THAT fat. Yes, they are absurd thoughts and feelings but we really can't control them, we just need to recognize them for what they are--irrational--and make sure we never act on them. We can control our actions and doing so is the sign of an adult. You acted kindly toward the woman, just what you should have done. I have never had those evil, nasty, hateful thoughts against fat people, but I have had them about others and EVERY time I have, it seems that the gods pull me up short and make me think. Once, I was riding my bicycle in Tucson and I saw some throw-back hippy-dippy types that adore Tucson and I sort of rolled my eyes and thought, "What freaks." Then I wiped out on my bike. Who rushed foward to help me and fixed my bike? You got it -- the hippies. Another time I was in an ice cream store -- I had just gotten off the bus and was balancing all kinds of packages and bags and I was waiting to be picked up when I saw a 50-ish woman wearing a leather bustier sitting at a table having an ice cream -- her deeply tanned skin was the same texture as the leather and you could see WAY too much of it. Again, I thought, "Oh, what a loser" and promptly dropped my packages and bags on the floor. Stuff went rolling everywhere. Who -- the only one in the crowd, btw -- rushed forward to help me? Ms. Leather Bustier herself. I have many of these stories. Most recently I was standing on the crowded subway and I saw this total gangster looking kid and I was thanking god he wasn't my student when he looked up at me and said, "Miss, would you like my seat?" I was so embarrassed by my thoughts I couldn't take the seat. I am glad whenever I get too dreadful, the gods seem to send me a little message not to be so judgmental. In , Luna stated I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would start having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I myself am still overweight, so I have absolutely no justification for judging others. Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really nasty thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this very large woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me, and she smacked me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt, painfully wrenching my neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said "It's ok" but inside I was thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately ashamed for thinking that. Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_ time, I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are in front of me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get around them. Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is room for them to walk two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a big stick in between them and prying them apart so I can get by. When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight people, unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be transferring my own insecurities and frustrations onto other people, seeing in them what I don't like about myself. I don't know these people, I don't ever roll my eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they most likely have no idea of the inner vitriol in my head, but I am hurting myself by it. I don't like being angry and frustrated. I feel like these thoughts are poison. -- Michelle Levin http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws. -- nimue "If I had created reality television I would have had a much greater influence, but then I would have had to KILL MYSELF." Joss Whedon |
#10
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Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts
I have them too, bad thoughts at times. I have them when all the handicapped
carts in the grocery store are gone, and I look around and see that most of them are people that are 300 pounds or more. Sure, I was close to that weight myself at one time. But when I think of how much weight I have lost, and my back is about to give out, and I need one of them carts to just go get groceries, then yeah.. I get ****ed off. I do not say it out loud. I get more ****ed inside too, when I see their carts full of junk food. Those are my feelings. I own my own feelings. I think I see why I feel this way. Yes, maybe it is judgmental. |
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