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Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts



 
 
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  #1  
Old July 29th, 2004, 01:15 AM
Luna
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Default Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts

I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would start
having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I myself am still
overweight, so I have absolutely no justification for judging others.

Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really nasty
thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this very large
woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me, and she smacked
me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt, painfully wrenching my
neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said "It's ok" but inside I was
thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately ashamed for thinking that.

Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_ time,
I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are in front of
me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get around them.
Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is room for them to walk
two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a big stick in between them
and prying them apart so I can get by.

When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight people,
unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be transferring my own
insecurities and frustrations onto other people, seeing in them what I
don't like about myself. I don't know these people, I don't ever roll my
eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they most likely have no idea of the
inner vitriol in my head, but I am hurting myself by it. I don't like being
angry and frustrated. I feel like these thoughts are poison.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.
  #2  
Old July 29th, 2004, 01:58 AM
curt
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Posts: n/a
Default Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts

Be calm. I get them to. I think it is because you want to make sure you
don't regain your weight. At least that is what I think. I really never
paid attention to it much until the past year. I just want to hate being
over weight I think. I don't have hate for fat people, but it is a way of
telling myself I don't want to be a fat cow ever again.

Curt


"Luna" wrote in message
...
I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would start
having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I myself am still
overweight, so I have absolutely no justification for judging others.

Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really nasty
thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this very large
woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me, and she smacked
me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt, painfully wrenching

my
neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said "It's ok" but inside I was
thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately ashamed for thinking that.

Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_ time,
I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are in front of
me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get around them.
Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is room for them to

walk
two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a big stick in between them
and prying them apart so I can get by.

When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight people,
unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be transferring my

own
insecurities and frustrations onto other people, seeing in them what I
don't like about myself. I don't know these people, I don't ever roll my
eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they most likely have no idea of the
inner vitriol in my head, but I am hurting myself by it. I don't like

being
angry and frustrated. I feel like these thoughts are poison.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.



  #3  
Old July 29th, 2004, 01:59 AM
curt
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts

Or.....I hope this isn't the case..., Maybe I want to not care about my
weight anymore and just eat what I want, so I take it out on the fat people
because I am jealous that they don't care and eat what they want.

Hmmm, I like my first thought better.

Curt


"Luna" wrote in message
...
I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would start
having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I myself am still
overweight, so I have absolutely no justification for judging others.

Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really nasty
thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this very large
woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me, and she smacked
me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt, painfully wrenching

my
neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said "It's ok" but inside I was
thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately ashamed for thinking that.

Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_ time,
I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are in front of
me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get around them.
Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is room for them to

walk
two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a big stick in between them
and prying them apart so I can get by.

When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight people,
unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be transferring my

own
insecurities and frustrations onto other people, seeing in them what I
don't like about myself. I don't know these people, I don't ever roll my
eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they most likely have no idea of the
inner vitriol in my head, but I am hurting myself by it. I don't like

being
angry and frustrated. I feel like these thoughts are poison.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.



  #4  
Old July 29th, 2004, 01:59 AM
curt
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts

Or.....I hope this isn't the case..., Maybe I want to not care about my
weight anymore and just eat what I want, so I take it out on the fat people
because I am jealous that they don't care and eat what they want.

Hmmm, I like my first thought better.

Curt


"Luna" wrote in message
...
I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would start
having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I myself am still
overweight, so I have absolutely no justification for judging others.

Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really nasty
thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this very large
woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me, and she smacked
me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt, painfully wrenching

my
neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said "It's ok" but inside I was
thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately ashamed for thinking that.

Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_ time,
I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are in front of
me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get around them.
Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is room for them to

walk
two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a big stick in between them
and prying them apart so I can get by.

When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight people,
unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be transferring my

own
insecurities and frustrations onto other people, seeing in them what I
don't like about myself. I don't know these people, I don't ever roll my
eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they most likely have no idea of the
inner vitriol in my head, but I am hurting myself by it. I don't like

being
angry and frustrated. I feel like these thoughts are poison.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws.



  #5  
Old July 29th, 2004, 02:32 AM
Gary Nichols
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts

On Thu, 29 Jul 2004 00:15:09 GMT, Luna
wrote:

I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would start
having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I myself am still
overweight, so I have absolutely no justification for judging others.

Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really nasty
thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this very large
woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me, and she smacked
me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt, painfully wrenching my
neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said "It's ok" but inside I was
thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately ashamed for thinking that.

Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_ time,
I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are in front of
me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get around them.
Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is room for them to walk
two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a big stick in between them
and prying them apart so I can get by.

When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight people,
unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be transferring my own
insecurities and frustrations onto other people, seeing in them what I
don't like about myself. I don't know these people, I don't ever roll my
eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they most likely have no idea of the
inner vitriol in my head, but I am hurting myself by it. I don't like being
angry and frustrated. I feel like these thoughts are poison.



Don't worry. You are not alone. I think that all of us that are
losing weight look down on fat people. It's a normal reaction. BUT
if you think mean thoughts such as why doesn't that fat pig just lose
weight it's taking it too far. Put yourself in their position.
Remember how it was when you were fat. How people made fun of you and
stared. Fat people have feelings.

Gary Nichols

6'4" tall with big frame.

280 pounds 1 year ago
207 pounds now.
185 pounds goal weight.
  #6  
Old July 29th, 2004, 02:41 AM
nimue
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts

curt wrote:
Or.....I hope this isn't the case..., Maybe I want to not care about
my weight anymore and just eat what I want, so I take it out on the
fat people because I am jealous that they don't care and eat what
they want.

Hmmm, I like my first thought better.


I am impressed that you are willing to look this closely at your self, at
your feelings behind your thoughts -- I am not sure what your motivation is
for thinking those things, but I am impressed with your honesty and your
willingness to explore WHY you might think this way.

Curt


"Luna" wrote in message
...
I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would
start having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I
myself am still overweight, so I have absolutely no justification
for judging others.

Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really
nasty thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this
very large woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me,
and she smacked me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt,
painfully wrenching my neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said
"It's ok" but inside I was thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately
ashamed for thinking that.

Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_
time, I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are
in front of me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get
around them. Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is
room for them to walk two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a
big stick in between them and prying them apart so I can get by.

When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight
people, unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be
transferring my own insecurities and frustrations onto other people,
seeing in them what I don't like about myself. I don't know these
people, I don't ever roll my eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they
most likely have no idea of the inner vitriol in my head, but I am
hurting myself by it. I don't like being angry and frustrated. I
feel like these thoughts are poison.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3
flaws.


--
nimue

"If I had created reality television I would have had a much greater
influence, but then I would have had to KILL MYSELF."
Joss Whedon


  #7  
Old July 29th, 2004, 02:41 AM
FOB
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts

Luna, I had those thoughts when I weighed 300 pounds. I would--and still
do--look at people fatter than myself and feel superior because I am not
THAT fat. Yes, they are absurd thoughts and feelings but we really can't
control them, we just need to recognize them for what they
are--irrational--and make sure we never act on them. We can control our
actions and doing so is the sign of an adult. You acted kindly toward the
woman, just what you should have done.

In ,
Luna stated
| I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would
| start having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I
| myself am still overweight, so I have absolutely no justification for
| judging others.
|
| Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really
| nasty thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this
| very large woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me,
| and she smacked me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt,
| painfully wrenching my neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said
| "It's ok" but inside I was thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately
| ashamed for thinking that.
|
| Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_
| time, I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are
| in front of me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get
| around them. Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is
| room for them to walk two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a
| big stick in between them and prying them apart so I can get by.
|
| When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight
| people, unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be
| transferring my own insecurities and frustrations onto other people,
| seeing in them what I don't like about myself. I don't know these
| people, I don't ever roll my eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they
| most likely have no idea of the inner vitriol in my head, but I am
| hurting myself by it. I don't like being angry and frustrated. I
| feel like these thoughts are poison.
|
| --
| Michelle Levin
| http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick
|
| I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3
| flaws.


  #8  
Old July 29th, 2004, 02:47 AM
RT
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts

I think part of it for me is feeling how "easy" it was to lose all of the
current weight because of LC. I think it suddenly seems like those still
heavy are "lazier" than us by not just getting out there and dropping 80lbs
or so ;-) Whereas, I don't think those people that exercise like mad to stay
thin feel necessarily the same way, because it's a hella lotta work to do it
their way :-)


  #9  
Old July 29th, 2004, 02:51 AM
nimue
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts

FOB wrote:
Luna, I had those thoughts when I weighed 300 pounds. I would--and
still do--look at people fatter than myself and feel superior because
I am not THAT fat. Yes, they are absurd thoughts and feelings but we
really can't control them, we just need to recognize them for what
they are--irrational--and make sure we never act on them. We can
control our actions and doing so is the sign of an adult. You acted
kindly toward the woman, just what you should have done.


I have never had those evil, nasty, hateful thoughts against fat people, but
I have had them about others and EVERY time I have, it seems that the gods
pull me up short and make me think. Once, I was riding my bicycle in Tucson
and I saw some throw-back hippy-dippy types that adore Tucson and I sort of
rolled my eyes and thought, "What freaks." Then I wiped out on my bike.
Who rushed foward to help me and fixed my bike? You got it -- the hippies.
Another time I was in an ice cream store -- I had just gotten off the bus
and was balancing all kinds of packages and bags and I was waiting to be
picked up when I saw a 50-ish woman wearing a leather bustier sitting at a
table having an ice cream -- her deeply tanned skin was the same texture as
the leather and you could see WAY too much of it. Again, I thought, "Oh,
what a loser" and promptly dropped my packages and bags on the floor. Stuff
went rolling everywhere. Who -- the only one in the crowd, btw -- rushed
forward to help me? Ms. Leather Bustier herself. I have many of these
stories. Most recently I was standing on the crowded subway and I saw this
total gangster looking kid and I was thanking god he wasn't my student when
he looked up at me and said, "Miss, would you like my seat?" I was so
embarrassed by my thoughts I couldn't take the seat. I am glad whenever I
get too dreadful, the gods seem to send me a little message not to be so
judgmental.

In ,
Luna stated
I never, never, NEVER imagined that after losing 50 pounds I would
start having these negative thoughts about overweight people. I
myself am still overweight, so I have absolutely no justification for
judging others.

Yet, in certain situations lately, I have been having these really
nasty thoughts. When I was at jury duty, in the assembly room, this
very large woman was trying to get to her seat in the row behind me,
and she smacked me in the back of the head with her bosom. It hurt,
painfully wrenching my neck. She apologized, and I smiled and said
"It's ok" but inside I was thinking "Fat cow!!" I was immediately
ashamed for thinking that.

Every time I go grocery shopping or to a mall, and I do mean _every_
time, I am walking trying to get where I'm going and big people are
in front of me, going painfully slowly. And there is no room to get
around them. Sometimes, in the mall or department stores, there is
room for them to walk two abreast, and I have fantasies of shoving a
big stick in between them and prying them apart so I can get by.

When I was at my heaviest, I never really noticed other overweight
people, unless they were extremely obese. Now I think I may be
transferring my own insecurities and frustrations onto other people,
seeing in them what I don't like about myself. I don't know these
people, I don't ever roll my eyes or sigh or say anything rude, they
most likely have no idea of the inner vitriol in my head, but I am
hurting myself by it. I don't like being angry and frustrated. I
feel like these thoughts are poison.

--
Michelle Levin
http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick

I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3
flaws.


--
nimue

"If I had created reality television I would have had a much greater
influence, but then I would have had to KILL MYSELF."
Joss Whedon


  #10  
Old July 29th, 2004, 04:01 AM
Sunshyne
external usenet poster
 
Posts: n/a
Default Evil, nasty, hateful thoughts

I have them too, bad thoughts at times. I have them when all the handicapped
carts in the grocery store are gone, and I look around and see that most of
them are people that are 300 pounds or more. Sure, I was close to that weight
myself at one time. But when I think of how much weight I have lost, and my
back is about to give out, and I need one of them carts to just go get
groceries, then yeah.. I get ****ed off. I do not say it out loud.

I get more ****ed inside too, when I see their carts full of junk food.

Those are my feelings. I own my own feelings. I think I see why I feel this
way. Yes, maybe it is judgmental.


 




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