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#1
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Sick of this crap
I'm sick of people minimizing other people's struggles, in general, not
just in my case. This whole attitude of "What you're going through isn't that hard, stop whining" First off, it's crap. Everyone knows it's crap when the struggle is against something concrete and external. We all know people have different levels of physical ability. For example, if my 82 year old grandmother, who has a bad hip and has never ridden a bike, learned how to ride and rode a whole mile, that would be a far more difficult accomplishment than if Roger, in his present condition, were to ride a mile on his bike. Yet, when it's an internal struggle, people expect everyone to have the same ability and level of difficulty. I don't know why it is so hard to accept that some people may have a more difficult time controlling their eating than others, some people may have more difficulty dealing with stress, quitting smoking, quitting drinking, etc. There are different levels of natural ability, and different levels of life experiences which help build coping skills. I've never had a drinking problem, so should I sit in judgment of people who do and say "What's the big deal? I don't find it so hard not to drink, neither should you." For you it may be no big deal to go out and shop for groceries. For an acute agoraphobic, this would be a huge deal. Telling them to stop whining and get over it won't help at all and would just make you look like an asshole. Lying to myself and telling myself that quitting smoking is easy and controlling my eating is easy will not magically make it easy. Instead it just makes me feel like a failure over and over. It would make me _not_ seek out help and support, because hey, if it's easy I shouldn't need help. If eating less is so easy, then I shouldn't need to get out of the house or find some other way to distract myself when I feel like munching. If it's so easy, it should just happen automatically with no effort on my part. And waiting around for it to happen on its own won't get the job done. Like every other human being I have my strengths and weaknesses. Some of my weak areas include self control, impulse control, motivation, and maintaining a positive outlook. Those 4 things are the main tendencies I have to fight against in just about every endeavor in my life. And for people who _don't_ have problems in those areas to come and tell me that no, I actually don't have them either, that I'm making it up to get attention, or using them as excuses, is a bunch of crap. I'm not making them up, and they're not excuses. You have to play the hand you're dealt in life, and that's the hand I have. I would be completely deserving of being called a drama queen or told I was making excuses if I said that I was giving up, that I didn't want to play the game anymore, that it was too hard and I was just going to take my toys and go home. Well, I'm not doing that. This is hard and it sucks and I hate it, but it's worth it. I want to be healthy and strong, no matter what it takes, and I will do it, I will get there. The fact that I find it difficult doesn't mean I have some kind of moral failing. The moral failing would be in letting the difficulty be an excuse to stop working on it. -- Michelle Levin http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws. |
#2
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I'm in total agreement. It's one of the reasons I'm posting so rarely
these days. I feel that I've revealed too much of myself here, and I'm nervous about saying any more. I feel alone. I'm glad for you, Michelle, that you're maintaining the strength to keep posting the complete story. Carol On Fri, 27 Aug 2004 03:08:49 GMT, Luna wrote: I'm sick of people minimizing other people's struggles, in general, not just in my case. This whole attitude of "What you're going through isn't that hard, stop whining" First off, it's crap. Everyone knows it's crap when the struggle is against something concrete and external. We all know people have different levels of physical ability. For example, if my 82 year old grandmother, who has a bad hip and has never ridden a bike, learned how to ride and rode a whole mile, that would be a far more difficult accomplishment than if Roger, in his present condition, were to ride a mile on his bike. Yet, when it's an internal struggle, people expect everyone to have the same ability and level of difficulty. I don't know why it is so hard to accept that some people may have a more difficult time controlling their eating than others, some people may have more difficulty dealing with stress, quitting smoking, quitting drinking, etc. There are different levels of natural ability, and different levels of life experiences which help build coping skills. I've never had a drinking problem, so should I sit in judgment of people who do and say "What's the big deal? I don't find it so hard not to drink, neither should you." For you it may be no big deal to go out and shop for groceries. For an acute agoraphobic, this would be a huge deal. Telling them to stop whining and get over it won't help at all and would just make you look like an asshole. Lying to myself and telling myself that quitting smoking is easy and controlling my eating is easy will not magically make it easy. Instead it just makes me feel like a failure over and over. It would make me _not_ seek out help and support, because hey, if it's easy I shouldn't need help. If eating less is so easy, then I shouldn't need to get out of the house or find some other way to distract myself when I feel like munching. If it's so easy, it should just happen automatically with no effort on my part. And waiting around for it to happen on its own won't get the job done. Like every other human being I have my strengths and weaknesses. Some of my weak areas include self control, impulse control, motivation, and maintaining a positive outlook. Those 4 things are the main tendencies I have to fight against in just about every endeavor in my life. And for people who _don't_ have problems in those areas to come and tell me that no, I actually don't have them either, that I'm making it up to get attention, or using them as excuses, is a bunch of crap. I'm not making them up, and they're not excuses. You have to play the hand you're dealt in life, and that's the hand I have. I would be completely deserving of being called a drama queen or told I was making excuses if I said that I was giving up, that I didn't want to play the game anymore, that it was too hard and I was just going to take my toys and go home. Well, I'm not doing that. This is hard and it sucks and I hate it, but it's worth it. I want to be healthy and strong, no matter what it takes, and I will do it, I will get there. The fact that I find it difficult doesn't mean I have some kind of moral failing. The moral failing would be in letting the difficulty be an excuse to stop working on it. |
#3
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I'm in total agreement. It's one of the reasons I'm posting so rarely
these days. I feel that I've revealed too much of myself here, and I'm nervous about saying any more. I feel alone. I'm glad for you, Michelle, that you're maintaining the strength to keep posting the complete story. Carol On Fri, 27 Aug 2004 03:08:49 GMT, Luna wrote: I'm sick of people minimizing other people's struggles, in general, not just in my case. This whole attitude of "What you're going through isn't that hard, stop whining" First off, it's crap. Everyone knows it's crap when the struggle is against something concrete and external. We all know people have different levels of physical ability. For example, if my 82 year old grandmother, who has a bad hip and has never ridden a bike, learned how to ride and rode a whole mile, that would be a far more difficult accomplishment than if Roger, in his present condition, were to ride a mile on his bike. Yet, when it's an internal struggle, people expect everyone to have the same ability and level of difficulty. I don't know why it is so hard to accept that some people may have a more difficult time controlling their eating than others, some people may have more difficulty dealing with stress, quitting smoking, quitting drinking, etc. There are different levels of natural ability, and different levels of life experiences which help build coping skills. I've never had a drinking problem, so should I sit in judgment of people who do and say "What's the big deal? I don't find it so hard not to drink, neither should you." For you it may be no big deal to go out and shop for groceries. For an acute agoraphobic, this would be a huge deal. Telling them to stop whining and get over it won't help at all and would just make you look like an asshole. Lying to myself and telling myself that quitting smoking is easy and controlling my eating is easy will not magically make it easy. Instead it just makes me feel like a failure over and over. It would make me _not_ seek out help and support, because hey, if it's easy I shouldn't need help. If eating less is so easy, then I shouldn't need to get out of the house or find some other way to distract myself when I feel like munching. If it's so easy, it should just happen automatically with no effort on my part. And waiting around for it to happen on its own won't get the job done. Like every other human being I have my strengths and weaknesses. Some of my weak areas include self control, impulse control, motivation, and maintaining a positive outlook. Those 4 things are the main tendencies I have to fight against in just about every endeavor in my life. And for people who _don't_ have problems in those areas to come and tell me that no, I actually don't have them either, that I'm making it up to get attention, or using them as excuses, is a bunch of crap. I'm not making them up, and they're not excuses. You have to play the hand you're dealt in life, and that's the hand I have. I would be completely deserving of being called a drama queen or told I was making excuses if I said that I was giving up, that I didn't want to play the game anymore, that it was too hard and I was just going to take my toys and go home. Well, I'm not doing that. This is hard and it sucks and I hate it, but it's worth it. I want to be healthy and strong, no matter what it takes, and I will do it, I will get there. The fact that I find it difficult doesn't mean I have some kind of moral failing. The moral failing would be in letting the difficulty be an excuse to stop working on it. |
#4
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Thanks Carol. I don't feel like I am maintaining any strength, I feel like
I'm in a position of weakness. I feel like a naked, weak, sick person just saying "Ok, here I am. I have nothing. Take your best shot." I guess I'm not afraid of people calling me things I'm not, because I know the truth of my situation. It still makes me angry though. Part of me wants to run off, but I need to learn how to deal with having strong emotions again. In article , Carol wrote: I'm in total agreement. It's one of the reasons I'm posting so rarely these days. I feel that I've revealed too much of myself here, and I'm nervous about saying any more. I feel alone. I'm glad for you, Michelle, that you're maintaining the strength to keep posting the complete story. Carol On Fri, 27 Aug 2004 03:08:49 GMT, Luna wrote: I'm sick of people minimizing other people's struggles, in general, not just in my case. This whole attitude of "What you're going through isn't that hard, stop whining" First off, it's crap. Everyone knows it's crap when the struggle is against something concrete and external. We all know people have different levels of physical ability. For example, if my 82 year old grandmother, who has a bad hip and has never ridden a bike, learned how to ride and rode a whole mile, that would be a far more difficult accomplishment than if Roger, in his present condition, were to ride a mile on his bike. Yet, when it's an internal struggle, people expect everyone to have the same ability and level of difficulty. I don't know why it is so hard to accept that some people may have a more difficult time controlling their eating than others, some people may have more difficulty dealing with stress, quitting smoking, quitting drinking, etc. There are different levels of natural ability, and different levels of life experiences which help build coping skills. I've never had a drinking problem, so should I sit in judgment of people who do and say "What's the big deal? I don't find it so hard not to drink, neither should you." For you it may be no big deal to go out and shop for groceries. For an acute agoraphobic, this would be a huge deal. Telling them to stop whining and get over it won't help at all and would just make you look like an asshole. Lying to myself and telling myself that quitting smoking is easy and controlling my eating is easy will not magically make it easy. Instead it just makes me feel like a failure over and over. It would make me _not_ seek out help and support, because hey, if it's easy I shouldn't need help. If eating less is so easy, then I shouldn't need to get out of the house or find some other way to distract myself when I feel like munching. If it's so easy, it should just happen automatically with no effort on my part. And waiting around for it to happen on its own won't get the job done. Like every other human being I have my strengths and weaknesses. Some of my weak areas include self control, impulse control, motivation, and maintaining a positive outlook. Those 4 things are the main tendencies I have to fight against in just about every endeavor in my life. And for people who _don't_ have problems in those areas to come and tell me that no, I actually don't have them either, that I'm making it up to get attention, or using them as excuses, is a bunch of crap. I'm not making them up, and they're not excuses. You have to play the hand you're dealt in life, and that's the hand I have. I would be completely deserving of being called a drama queen or told I was making excuses if I said that I was giving up, that I didn't want to play the game anymore, that it was too hard and I was just going to take my toys and go home. Well, I'm not doing that. This is hard and it sucks and I hate it, but it's worth it. I want to be healthy and strong, no matter what it takes, and I will do it, I will get there. The fact that I find it difficult doesn't mean I have some kind of moral failing. The moral failing would be in letting the difficulty be an excuse to stop working on it. -- Michelle Levin http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws. |
#5
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Thanks Carol. I don't feel like I am maintaining any strength, I feel like
I'm in a position of weakness. I feel like a naked, weak, sick person just saying "Ok, here I am. I have nothing. Take your best shot." I guess I'm not afraid of people calling me things I'm not, because I know the truth of my situation. It still makes me angry though. Part of me wants to run off, but I need to learn how to deal with having strong emotions again. In article , Carol wrote: I'm in total agreement. It's one of the reasons I'm posting so rarely these days. I feel that I've revealed too much of myself here, and I'm nervous about saying any more. I feel alone. I'm glad for you, Michelle, that you're maintaining the strength to keep posting the complete story. Carol On Fri, 27 Aug 2004 03:08:49 GMT, Luna wrote: I'm sick of people minimizing other people's struggles, in general, not just in my case. This whole attitude of "What you're going through isn't that hard, stop whining" First off, it's crap. Everyone knows it's crap when the struggle is against something concrete and external. We all know people have different levels of physical ability. For example, if my 82 year old grandmother, who has a bad hip and has never ridden a bike, learned how to ride and rode a whole mile, that would be a far more difficult accomplishment than if Roger, in his present condition, were to ride a mile on his bike. Yet, when it's an internal struggle, people expect everyone to have the same ability and level of difficulty. I don't know why it is so hard to accept that some people may have a more difficult time controlling their eating than others, some people may have more difficulty dealing with stress, quitting smoking, quitting drinking, etc. There are different levels of natural ability, and different levels of life experiences which help build coping skills. I've never had a drinking problem, so should I sit in judgment of people who do and say "What's the big deal? I don't find it so hard not to drink, neither should you." For you it may be no big deal to go out and shop for groceries. For an acute agoraphobic, this would be a huge deal. Telling them to stop whining and get over it won't help at all and would just make you look like an asshole. Lying to myself and telling myself that quitting smoking is easy and controlling my eating is easy will not magically make it easy. Instead it just makes me feel like a failure over and over. It would make me _not_ seek out help and support, because hey, if it's easy I shouldn't need help. If eating less is so easy, then I shouldn't need to get out of the house or find some other way to distract myself when I feel like munching. If it's so easy, it should just happen automatically with no effort on my part. And waiting around for it to happen on its own won't get the job done. Like every other human being I have my strengths and weaknesses. Some of my weak areas include self control, impulse control, motivation, and maintaining a positive outlook. Those 4 things are the main tendencies I have to fight against in just about every endeavor in my life. And for people who _don't_ have problems in those areas to come and tell me that no, I actually don't have them either, that I'm making it up to get attention, or using them as excuses, is a bunch of crap. I'm not making them up, and they're not excuses. You have to play the hand you're dealt in life, and that's the hand I have. I would be completely deserving of being called a drama queen or told I was making excuses if I said that I was giving up, that I didn't want to play the game anymore, that it was too hard and I was just going to take my toys and go home. Well, I'm not doing that. This is hard and it sucks and I hate it, but it's worth it. I want to be healthy and strong, no matter what it takes, and I will do it, I will get there. The fact that I find it difficult doesn't mean I have some kind of moral failing. The moral failing would be in letting the difficulty be an excuse to stop working on it. -- Michelle Levin http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws. |
#6
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On Fri, 27 Aug 2004 05:36:37 GMT, Luna
wrote: Thanks Carol. I don't feel like I am maintaining any strength, I feel like I'm in a position of weakness. I feel like a naked, weak, sick person just saying "Ok, here I am. I have nothing. Take your best shot." I guess I'm not afraid of people calling me things I'm not, because I know the truth of my situation. It still makes me angry though. Part of me wants to run off, but I need to learn how to deal with having strong emotions again. You're stronger than I am. I'm no longer willing to divulge personal information. Most people here are extremely cool and supportive. But it doesn't take much for one or two losers to undermine all of that. Hang in there. You're kickin' ass, lady! Carol |
#7
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On Fri, 27 Aug 2004 05:36:37 GMT, Luna
wrote: Thanks Carol. I don't feel like I am maintaining any strength, I feel like I'm in a position of weakness. I feel like a naked, weak, sick person just saying "Ok, here I am. I have nothing. Take your best shot." I guess I'm not afraid of people calling me things I'm not, because I know the truth of my situation. It still makes me angry though. Part of me wants to run off, but I need to learn how to deal with having strong emotions again. You're stronger than I am. I'm no longer willing to divulge personal information. Most people here are extremely cool and supportive. But it doesn't take much for one or two losers to undermine all of that. Hang in there. You're kickin' ass, lady! Carol |
#9
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In article ,
says... Thanks Carol. I don't feel like I am maintaining any strength, I feel like I'm in a position of weakness. I feel like a naked, weak, sick person just saying "Ok, here I am. I have nothing. Take your best shot." I guess I'm not afraid of people calling me things I'm not, because I know the truth of my situation. It still makes me angry though. Part of me wants to run off, but I need to learn how to deal with having strong emotions again. Michelle, some of us need to talk things out more than others. It's just the way we do things. Some people need to talk as little as possible and it works out just fine for them. It's human nature. You need to talk and this is a support group. I say GO for it. Unlike some other people who have posted here since I've been reading over the last year and have been accused (rightfully so) of being "drama queens", your postings tend to be introspective discourses discussing what works for YOU, what doesn't, what you want to try or not try and WHY, not spiteful demands for attention at all costs. You said something once about reading posts here (or in any other newsgroup) that really stuck with me -- you said that people could pick and choose which articles to read, much like a newspaper where you skip over items that don't hold your interest and only read the ones that DO. I really LIKED that analogy. If you consistently do NOT get support from someone and their posts, in fact, make things more aggravating for you, filtering them out is probably a good idea, at least while you are feeling more vulnerable. I applaud your efforts to quit smoking and can't imagine how difficult it must make things to do not only that, but stay on course with low-carbing. I did notice that there is a newsgroup called alt.quit.smoking.support -- have you looked into that newsgroup? -- Saffire 205/149/125 - 5'1.5" Atkins since 6/14/03 Progress photo: http://photos.yahoo.com/saffire333 |
#10
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Please do not go away Luna. I have never revealed anything to you but your
quitting smoking has hit a real place in my heart. My mom is dying of emphysema from years of smoking. It is late and tears fall easy in the middle of the night. I have read all that you have posted with great interest and you have been hit with a lot of Crap. Everyone needs a "buck up" lecture now and then but a kind word is also good medicine. I think of you and look for your posts. Stick around kid. we aren't all bad. "Luna" wrote in message ... Thanks Carol. I don't feel like I am maintaining any strength, I feel like I'm in a position of weakness. I feel like a naked, weak, sick person just saying "Ok, here I am. I have nothing. Take your best shot." I guess I'm not afraid of people calling me things I'm not, because I know the truth of my situation. It still makes me angry though. Part of me wants to run off, but I need to learn how to deal with having strong emotions again. In article , Carol wrote: I'm in total agreement. It's one of the reasons I'm posting so rarely these days. I feel that I've revealed too much of myself here, and I'm nervous about saying any more. I feel alone. I'm glad for you, Michelle, that you're maintaining the strength to keep posting the complete story. Carol On Fri, 27 Aug 2004 03:08:49 GMT, Luna wrote: I'm sick of people minimizing other people's struggles, in general, not just in my case. This whole attitude of "What you're going through isn't that hard, stop whining" First off, it's crap. Everyone knows it's crap when the struggle is against something concrete and external. We all know people have different levels of physical ability. For example, if my 82 year old grandmother, who has a bad hip and has never ridden a bike, learned how to ride and rode a whole mile, that would be a far more difficult accomplishment than if Roger, in his present condition, were to ride a mile on his bike. Yet, when it's an internal struggle, people expect everyone to have the same ability and level of difficulty. I don't know why it is so hard to accept that some people may have a more difficult time controlling their eating than others, some people may have more difficulty dealing with stress, quitting smoking, quitting drinking, etc. There are different levels of natural ability, and different levels of life experiences which help build coping skills. I've never had a drinking problem, so should I sit in judgment of people who do and say "What's the big deal? I don't find it so hard not to drink, neither should you." For you it may be no big deal to go out and shop for groceries. For an acute agoraphobic, this would be a huge deal. Telling them to stop whining and get over it won't help at all and would just make you look like an asshole. Lying to myself and telling myself that quitting smoking is easy and controlling my eating is easy will not magically make it easy. Instead it just makes me feel like a failure over and over. It would make me _not_ seek out help and support, because hey, if it's easy I shouldn't need help. If eating less is so easy, then I shouldn't need to get out of the house or find some other way to distract myself when I feel like munching. If it's so easy, it should just happen automatically with no effort on my part. And waiting around for it to happen on its own won't get the job done. Like every other human being I have my strengths and weaknesses. Some of my weak areas include self control, impulse control, motivation, and maintaining a positive outlook. Those 4 things are the main tendencies I have to fight against in just about every endeavor in my life. And for people who _don't_ have problems in those areas to come and tell me that no, I actually don't have them either, that I'm making it up to get attention, or using them as excuses, is a bunch of crap. I'm not making them up, and they're not excuses. You have to play the hand you're dealt in life, and that's the hand I have. I would be completely deserving of being called a drama queen or told I was making excuses if I said that I was giving up, that I didn't want to play the game anymore, that it was too hard and I was just going to take my toys and go home. Well, I'm not doing that. This is hard and it sucks and I hate it, but it's worth it. I want to be healthy and strong, no matter what it takes, and I will do it, I will get there. The fact that I find it difficult doesn't mean I have some kind of moral failing. The moral failing would be in letting the difficulty be an excuse to stop working on it. -- Michelle Levin http://www.mindspring.com/~lunachick I have only 3 flaws. My first flaw is thinking that I only have 3 flaws. |
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