Thinking about goal weight and maintenance

LA YOU ARE JUST THE BEST!!! Lee
Lesanne wrote in message
.. .

"~ Wysong ~" wrote in message
...


** I now weigh 164 lbs and I can tell you that it's NOT THIN. Thin for
a
women of around 5'6" is 125 lbs or so. That's the size most men want.

Well. I am not 5'6". Which is why weight watchers allowed me a goal of
164.
My bones show. The veins in my arms show. I am thin enough for me. My
size 10 clothes are nicely loose. Thanks for the reality check. Most men
are influenced by the media, as are most women. You reminded me how proud
I
am to be eccentric.

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

remember what my mom told me, you are in control of the attention you
accept, and that is the only attention you need worry about, Lee, good luck
Lesanne wrote in message
news
Ah. Lee, you did hit the nail on the head.

"Miss Violette" wrote in message
s.com...
I read the other posts before I answered. One of the reasons we are
overweight is so we do not have to deal with "attention" I am doing
armchair shrink here, but what I figured out for myself is that I had
trouble dealing with unwanted attention. I have been with the same man
for
23 years and there are no problems there but "strange" men making
advances
was almost traumatic. Just something to think about. You are
marketable
if
you want to be. And you know what? If you don't want a partner thats
OK
too, its not weird or odd or anything else. Lee
Lesanne wrote in message
...
I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my
desire
to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below
goal
at
my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever
going
to
be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I
don't
necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned
myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was
huge.
No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think
of
being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed
various
singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to
answer
that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does
this
relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself
that
my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men
in
those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing.
I
am
really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I
am
"acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I
don't
think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead
of
too
"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though
I
don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower
goal.
I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is
Already
less
than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

Yeah Lee, I am quite fond of you as well. . Figured I would respond
here, to the other post. !
And this is true. I get off on these mental wanderings because I am mostly
bored I think. Also, it helps to get some reality tossed into my little odd
world sometimes !

"Miss Violette" wrote in message
s.com...
remember what my mom told me, you are in control of the attention you
accept, and that is the only attention you need worry about, Lee, good
luck
Lesanne wrote in message
news
Ah. Lee, you did hit the nail on the head.

"Miss Violette" wrote in message
s.com...
I read the other posts before I answered. One of the reasons we are
overweight is so we do not have to deal with "attention" I am doing
armchair shrink here, but what I figured out for myself is that I had
trouble dealing with unwanted attention. I have been with the same
man
for
23 years and there are no problems there but "strange" men making
advances
was almost traumatic. Just something to think about. You are
marketable
if
you want to be. And you know what? If you don't want a partner thats
OK
too, its not weird or odd or anything else. Lee
Lesanne wrote in message
...
I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of
my
desire
to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below
goal
at
my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever
going
to
be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I
don't
necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of
resigned
myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I
was
huge.
No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even
think
of
being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed
various
singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to
answer
that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does
this
relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling
myself
that
my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those
men
in
those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head
thing.
I
am
really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I
am
"acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I
don't
think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead
of
too
"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even
though
I
don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a
lower
goal.
I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is
Already
less
than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

Oh, before, a little bit nuts, now, a more healthy ECCENTRIC (G)

The photo you posted showed you are a-okay! Don't sweat it except
when earning activity points (G)

On Tue, 11 Nov 2003 12:29:50 GMT, "Lesanne"
wrote:


"~ Wysong ~" wrote in message
...


** I now weigh 164 lbs and I can tell you that it's NOT THIN. Thin for a
women of around 5'6" is 125 lbs or so. That's the size most men want.

Well. I am not 5'6". Which is why weight watchers allowed me a goal of 164.
My bones show. The veins in my arms show. I am thin enough for me. My
size 10 clothes are nicely loose. Thanks for the reality check. Most men
are influenced by the media, as are most women. You reminded me how proud I
am to be eccentric.

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

I always figure if "they" think I am crazy, then if I go around the corner
nobody will notice. Wandering is good for the mind, Lee
Lesanne wrote in message
...
Yeah Lee, I am quite fond of you as well. . Figured I would respond
here, to the other post. !
And this is true. I get off on these mental wanderings because I am
mostly
bored I think. Also, it helps to get some reality tossed into my little
odd
world sometimes !

"Miss Violette" wrote in message
s.com...
remember what my mom told me, you are in control of the attention you
accept, and that is the only attention you need worry about, Lee, good
luck
Lesanne wrote in message
news
Ah. Lee, you did hit the nail on the head.

"Miss Violette" wrote in message
s.com...
I read the other posts before I answered. One of the reasons we are
overweight is so we do not have to deal with "attention" I am doing
armchair shrink here, but what I figured out for myself is that I
had
trouble dealing with unwanted attention. I have been with the same
man
for
23 years and there are no problems there but "strange" men making
advances
was almost traumatic. Just something to think about. You are
marketable
if
you want to be. And you know what? If you don't want a partner
thats
OK
too, its not weird or odd or anything else. Lee
Lesanne wrote in message
...
I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of
my
desire
to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below
goal
at
my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever
going
to
be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I
don't
necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of
resigned
myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I
was
huge.
No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even
think
of
being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed
various
singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to
answer
that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How
does
this
relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling
myself
that
my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those
men
in
those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head
thing.
I
am
really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that
I
am
"acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it.
I
don't
think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head
instead
of
too
"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even
though
I
don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a
lower
goal.
I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is
Already
less
than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

That's right! Size 10 is great!!


Lesanne wrote:
"~ Wysong ~" wrote in message
...


** I now weigh 164 lbs and I can tell you that it's NOT THIN. Thin for a
women of around 5'6" is 125 lbs or so. That's the size most men want.


Well. I am not 5'6". Which is why weight watchers allowed me a goal of 164.
My bones show. The veins in my arms show. I am thin enough for me. My
size 10 clothes are nicely loose. Thanks for the reality check. Most men
are influenced by the media, as are most women. You reminded me how proud I
am to be eccentric.

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

Yo Fred, I lost another 15 or so pounds after that photo, so that is really
good news.

"Fred" wrote in message
...
Oh, before, a little bit nuts, now, a more healthy ECCENTRIC (G)

The photo you posted showed you are a-okay! Don't sweat it except
when earning activity points (G)

On Tue, 11 Nov 2003 12:29:50 GMT, "Lesanne"
wrote:


"~ Wysong ~" wrote in message
...


** I now weigh 164 lbs and I can tell you that it's NOT THIN. Thin for
a
women of around 5'6" is 125 lbs or so. That's the size most men want.

Well. I am not 5'6". Which is why weight watchers allowed me a goal of
164.
My bones show. The veins in my arms show. I am thin enough for me. My
size 10 clothes are nicely loose. Thanks for the reality check. Most
men
are influenced by the media, as are most women. You reminded me how
proud I
am to be eccentric.

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164

On Tue, 11 Nov 2003 12:26:08 GMT, "Lesanne"
wrote:


"Fred" wrote in message
news
I will skip the social implications and image stuff and move directly
to the last paragraph and actually the last lines....


***Chicken***

Or smart??? (G)

On Mon, 10 Nov 2003 16:09:50 GMT, "Lesanne"
wrote:

There is a mix in there. "I like the way I eat now." versus "It is
Already less than I want, many days of each week."

I can definitely understand not wanting to "sacrifice" to lose more
weight and reduce your points which we can define as tasty, additional
calories, an indulgence or just not having to think about eating as a
task. That makes sense. But you do have to remember that you are now
eating NORMALLY. And while it may feel like deprivation (already less
than I want), it is right and works to keep you healthy and able to
move and exercise and breathe and maybe live longer (alone?? (G))

*** Yeah. I am going to have to remember that it took me 2 or 3 years to
actually make exercise a real habit. Probably take that long to make
#NORMAL# eating a habit. I know it is halfway there, since I feel strong
resistance to eating large portions of anything, but I also know it would be
real easy to let some portion size growth sneak in there again. ***

I keep reminding myself that I normall eat only half the teriaki
chicken at lunch when I occasionally get the urge to just keep on
eating it. It has sufficed for almost a year now, so I know that I do
NOT NEED the additional food but there have been times that I've been
tempted to just eat on through it. And when I was in NY and down in
Tucson, we did Chinese food and I did overdo it - competing with my
brother-in-law while my always very thin sister just ate her normal
bird's portion. So my capcity to overdo it is still there. And
clearly in weaker moments......

****And actually, living alone is pretty fine. So speaks the 24/7
careperson, what would I know?***

A different "companion" I would say with very different challenges.

Yes, I got up this morning felt like hiking but dawdled as I wanted
(the original idea to go skiing for the first time this season got
scotched by rain in the passes!). No one to answer to and no other
schedule to abide by. Selfish, spoiled and HAPPY! (G)

But I do know how you may feel. I have realized in the last few days
that unless I get my requisite activity points that allow me to
indulge in more dried fruit or a skinny cow or meringues or a piece of
cheese I will gain weight. Over the last 3 or 4 or 6 weeks I gained
and lost but attribute the gain to less activity. My dad's death
limited my normal exercise patterns and I gained weight - of course,
there were also the stress and comfort food longings but it was not
out of hand - I am more or less certain it was the lessened activity.
That means a serious look at how much I eat on wetter weeks or tired
weeks or when I slow down. That will make a serious blow in my food
choices and I'm not sure that I will like that at all either.

****This is so true. One thing I love about the flex plan. I eat more on
days that I really really work out. And That is becoming a habit too. I
also eat Less on days that I do less difficult workouts. Grief really calls
for food doesn't it? I had to learn to cry, and I am Not a crier. I am
still not good at it, but I found that extra yardwork is good too. I found
that on days I don't get a lot of exercise, if I watch the carbs and eat a
lot of veggies I do better. ***

I am munching Meringues as I type - mini-mint. But my fear is that if
the exercise lessens, I will not be able to indulge these "snacks!"
Can I find a substitute for foods if I have to??

I will definitely need to reinforce in my own mind that this is normal
eating with ACTIVITY. And normal eating has to be adjusted based on
the circumstances.

You have done an incredible job and taking time off as you suggested,
possibly until Jan 1 sounds reasonable. That is taking time off from
losing weight - not taking time off from keeping it off which means ON
PROGRAM!!!

Yes, I counted on my fingers as I drove home from my hike.
Aug/Sept/oct/nov - 4 months of holding pretty well. And if I add the
6 weeks of maintenance - 5 months. And I met someone I had not seen
in a while on the trail and he commented, you've lost a "ton" of
weight. YUP! Now to continue to keep it off.

*** I am not Ever going to get up in the morning and not get on the scale.
That was where the weight creep started in the past, and where it would
start now, if it did. Reality Bites, but it is what will keep me On
program. And people are right about how the scale lies, but if it keeps me
eating less a few days of the week and staying at goal? What is wrong with
That?

I am doing it, too. Neurotic in some books but healthy fact gathering
in mine.

"Fred" wrote in message
news
I will skip the social implications and image stuff and move directly
to the last paragraph and actually the last lines....


***Chicken***

Or smart??? (G)

****or careful****

I keep reminding myself that I normall eat only half the teriaki
chicken at lunch when I occasionally get the urge to just keep on
eating it. It has sufficed for almost a year now, so I know that I do
NOT NEED the additional food but there have been times that I've been
tempted to just eat on through it. And when I was in NY and down in
Tucson, we did Chinese food and I did overdo it - competing with my
brother-in-law while my always very thin sister just ate her normal
bird's portion. So my capcity to overdo it is still there. And
clearly in weaker moments......

*****yes I don't need more than I am eating either. After what I now eat,
the rest is feeding emotional needs I think, in my case********

Yes, I got up this morning felt like hiking but dawdled as I wanted
(the original idea to go skiing for the first time this season got
scotched by rain in the passes!). No one to answer to and no other
schedule to abide by. Selfish, spoiled and HAPPY! (G)

*****Oh yeah. my friends who are couples have to make all kinds of
adjustments. I don't think I would want to make those. I too am spoiled,
and selfish (in the best possible way). (G)


I am munching Meringues as I type - mini-mint. But my fear is that if
the exercise lessens, I will not be able to indulge these "snacks!"
Can I find a substitute for foods if I have to??

Yeah. Some other kind of exercise works pretty well. Yoga is good. As a
food substitute.

I will definitely need to reinforce in my own mind that this is normal
eating with ACTIVITY. And normal eating has to be adjusted based on
the circumstances.

clipped, weighing......

I am doing it, too. Neurotic in some books but healthy fact gathering
in mine.

*** since the only judgement I make is in the way I eat for that day, I
don't see it as a problem. If I was looking at the scale and saying Oh My I
am up a pound I may as well just eat I am a total failure, it would be
counterproductive...

Lesanne,

You should make an appointment with the wonderful therapist and get to the
bottom of why you think you are not the woman of some mans dreams. You
don't need or want to be alone for the rest of your life. I agree that a
man quite older than yourself is not a good thing. I have had an ad online
on various sites for almost 3 years now. I have dated a few of the men and
made some great friends along the way. I have not found the one yet, but I
have enjoyed the journey. I too am severely overweight. I started my
current weight loss at 319.4 when my ex walked out on me, I placed an ad
about 6 weeks after that and have not looked back. There are men out there
that just want a genuine woman with a heart and someone that can carry on a
conversation, go to a movie or share a dinner with. They want companionship
and that is what all relationships start out as. You are worth it, but you
have to tell yourself that.

I know when my ex walked out on me I continued to see the counselor that we
were seeing for marriage counseling. She did a great job getting me to
think that I was worth it and that I was desirable. I am sure your
therapist can do the same with you. The one thing that my counselor had
asked me was about my daughters, I told her they were beautiful girls and
they looked just like me. Funny thing is I never considered myself
beautiful in any way, shape, or form. She told me to listen to myself when
I spoke about my daughters, that they were beautiful and looked just like
me, so I must be beautiful too. I have since accepted that I don't look
that bad even though I am overweight. I am comfortable with myself and that
is what counts most.

Debbie

"Lesanne" wrote in message
.. .
Well, yeah, been there and done that, or I would have NEVER been able to
make the changes that I have. Actually multiple times. Once with a
psychiatrist that was a disaster, once with a disaster therapist that
still
caused a majorly beneficial change to happen, and once with a wonderful
therapist. A couple of totally neutral experiences were tossed in there
in
various places as well. This is why I can look in the mirror and be
delighted with what I see, but I still think that my physical self is not
"marketable".

Probably this is a pretty realistic assumption actually, considering that
I
am 55, have yo yoed for 30 years, and would be choosing from a very
slender
pool of men who all profess to want a woman who looks good in a bikini.
Now
if I go for the men in their 70's, that is another thing entirely, and I
make judgements about them that leave them not desireable. Not from
physical appearance, but .. never mind..... Why would I want a 70 year
old
man?
Even a fit one is going to wear out before I do probably. I really don't
need another nursing job.

I just think this issue is not at all about weight any more, and I need to
set my head to making a different goal other than losing more.

"Brynda" wrote in message
news
Therapy. Really, it helps give you a new perspective on life. And if
you
have a really good therapist, she/he can make you see things about
yourself
that you never thought of before. Or help you stop yourself from having
these thoughts because you think about them in a different light.

I have been talking to a therapist for about 6 months now (while I've
been
doing WW) and boy! has it made a difference. Everyone around me says
I'm
a
new person, both physically and personality-wise.

So think about it! I think with the huge amount of weight you've lost,
that
there has to be some kinda of mental status change that goes with that.

HTH!

Brynda
210/179/140ish


"Lesanne" wrote in message
...
I have been turning over this whole subject in my mind, because of my
desire
to set a lower place to stop, when I am already officially 4 below
goal
at
my meetings.

See if this makes any sense at all. I am not sure that I am Ever
going
to
be "satisfied" with my weight/size/body. I am very single. But I
don't
necessarily like that completely. At the same time I kind of resigned
myself to being single after the second divorce... At that time I was
huge.
No other way to describe it. It was a great excuse to not even think
of
being in a relationship. Off and on over the years I have browsed
various
singles ads and things and said to myself "oh, even if I wanted to
answer
that, they want someone thin" or at least normal weight. How does
this
relate? The other day I was browsing again, and still telling myself
that
my physical shape would not "measure up" to standards set by those men
in
those ads.

I don't think this is a body thing at all, I think it is a head thing.
I
am
really happy with my physical self, but I still don't believe that I
am
"acceptable" I don't think 4 more pounds off is going to do it. I
don't
think 50 would do it. I would just be too "thin" in my head instead
of
too
"fat". I don't want to give up the idea of a lower goal, even though
I
don't want to eat at the level that it would take to maintain a lower
goal.
I like the way I eat now. It keeps me right around 160. It is
Already
less
than I want, many days of each week.

How does one shift these gears?

Lesanne
(365)247/160/164