REC: South Park Salty Balls

I've been interested in something like a cookie lately, but the store-
bought lowcarb ones are full of maltitol and they always have a sort
of pressed milkcarton consistency. I really didn't have much to lose
trying to make my own, but I can't really cook. I basically employ
the sandcastle technique in the kitchen and come up with disasters of
various proportions ranging from minor to epic.

Sometimes the disaster is edible, sometimes it ends up in the garbage
disposal, which is what happened last week with a chemically
undefinable substance that used to be peanut butter and baker's
chocolate.

This week though, I got this idea:

Two cups of vanilla whey protein
1/2 cup of peanut butter
2 eggs
a couple tablespoons of butter
1/2 cup of almond meal
splenda.

I mushed all this up together til I got something that resembled
cookie dough. I didn't want to mess with baking soda or baking powder
because I've actually made things explode before with that stuff.

I dropped clumps of the batter on a buttered baking sheet and had it
in the oven at 325 for twenty minutes. Came out okay, although instead
of flattening and spreading they came out less like "cookies" and more
like "snack balls".

This is almost as horrible as it sounds but they had potential. They
were truly no worse-tasting than those Carbolite cookies that used to
be around. They needed a little manual flattening to seem like a
cookies, a little sweetening and possibly some maple flavoring. Or, if
you just preferred the salty balls flavor you could put them in muffin
tins and get that great Carbolite muffin experience of yore.

Object: To produce a cookielike object using feasible ingredients.
Method: c allowed in kitchen for one hour with no supervision and only
blunt utensils
Result: South Park Salty Balls
Conclusion: At least there were no explosions.


c
Where there are cheesy puffs there gotta be snack balls.

writes:

Two cups of vanilla whey protein
1/2 cup of peanut butter
2 eggs
a couple tablespoons of butter
1/2 cup of almond meal
splenda.

Came out okay, although instead of flattening and spreading they
came out less like "cookies" and more like "snack balls".

If you get a chance to catch Alton Brown's cookie episode, it might
help with this. For starters, try more butter - it melts, which is
what you want the ball of dough to do.

Where there are cheesy puffs there gotta be snack balls.

That explains the cheesy puff and snack ball isle at the mega mart.

On Oct 26, 9:33?pm, DJ Delorie wrote:
writes:
Two cups of vanilla whey protein
1/2 cup of peanut butter
2 eggs
a couple tablespoons of butter
1/2 cup of almond meal
splenda.

Came out okay, although instead of flattening and spreading they
came out less like "cookies" and more like "snack balls".

If you get a chance to catch Alton Brown's cookie episode, it might
help with this. For starters, try more butter - it melts, which is
what you want the ball of dough to do.

Hm. Well, I suppose more butter could be the final link between myself
and culinary genius and fame. Itt's somewhat of a longshot, though,
DJ.

c
South Park Salty Buttered Balls?

On Oct 26, 10:06 pm, wrote:
I've been interested in something like a cookie lately, but the store-
bought lowcarb ones are full of maltitol and they always have a sort
of pressed milkcarton consistency. I really didn't have much to lose
trying to make my own, but I can't really cook. I basically employ
the sandcastle technique in the kitchen and come up with disasters of
various proportions ranging from minor to epic.

Sometimes the disaster is edible, sometimes it ends up in the garbage
disposal, which is what happened last week with a chemically
undefinable substance that used to be peanut butter and baker's
chocolate.

This week though, I got this idea:

Two cups of vanilla whey protein
1/2 cup of peanut butter
2 eggs
a couple tablespoons of butter
1/2 cup of almond meal
splenda.

I mushed all this up together til I got something that resembled
cookie dough. I didn't want to mess with baking soda or baking powder
because I've actually made things explode before with that stuff.

I dropped clumps of the batter on a buttered baking sheet and had it
in the oven at 325 for twenty minutes. Came out okay, although instead
of flattening and spreading they came out less like "cookies" and more
like "snack balls".

This is almost as horrible as it sounds but they had potential. They
were truly no worse-tasting than those Carbolite cookies that used to
be around. They needed a little manual flattening to seem like a
cookies, a little sweetening and possibly some maple flavoring. Or, if
you just preferred the salty balls flavor you could put them in muffin
tins and get that great Carbolite muffin experience of yore.

Object: To produce a cookielike object using feasible ingredients.
Method: c allowed in kitchen for one hour with no supervision and only
blunt utensils
Result: South Park Salty Balls

Uhm, no

2 tablespoons of cinnamon
2-3 egg whites
half stick of butter (melted)
1 cup flour (I guess we'd use almond flour? Carbquik?)
1/4 cup of unsweetened chocolate
1/2 cup brandy
1-2 bags sugar (Splenda? I dunno)
1 pinch vanilla (hell, throw in all the seeds from 1 pod)

Stir with wooden spoon in a bowl
Bake at 350.
No timing is given, so use your judgement.

-Hollywood
"grease up that cookie sheet, cause I hate when my balls stick"

On Oct 28, 10:17?am, Hollywood wrote:
On Oct 26, 10:06 pm, wrote:





I've been interested in something like a cookie lately, but the store-
bought lowcarb ones are full of maltitol and they always have a sort
of pressed milkcarton consistency. I really didn't have much to lose
trying to make my own, but I can't really cook. I basically employ
the sandcastle technique in the kitchen and come up with disasters of
various proportions ranging from minor to epic.

Sometimes the disaster is edible, sometimes it ends up in the garbage
disposal, which is what happened last week with a chemically
undefinable substance that used to be peanut butter and baker's
chocolate.

This week though, I got this idea:

Two cups of vanilla whey protein
1/2 cup of peanut butter
2 eggs
a couple tablespoons of butter
1/2 cup of almond meal
splenda.

I mushed all this up together til I got something that resembled
cookie dough. I didn't want to mess with baking soda or baking powder
because I've actually made things explode before with that stuff.

I dropped clumps of the batter on a buttered baking sheet and had it
in the oven at 325 for twenty minutes. Came out okay, although instead
of flattening and spreading they came out less like "cookies" and more
like "snack balls".

This is almost as horrible as it sounds but they had potential. They
were truly no worse-tasting than those Carbolite cookies that used to
be around. They needed a little manual flattening to seem like a
cookies, a little sweetening and possibly some maple flavoring. Or, if
you just preferred the salty balls flavor you could put them in muffin
tins and get that great Carbolite muffin experience of yore.

Object: To produce a cookielike object using feasible ingredients.
Method: c allowed in kitchen for one hour with no supervision and only
blunt utensils
Result: South Park Salty Balls

Uhm, no

2 tablespoons of cinnamon
2-3 egg whites
half stick of butter (melted)
1 cup flour (I guess we'd use almond flour? Carbquik?)
1/4 cup of unsweetened chocolate
1/2 cup brandy
1-2 bags sugar (Splenda? I dunno)
1 pinch vanilla (hell, throw in all the seeds from 1 pod)

Stir with wooden spoon in a bowl
Bake at 350.
No timing is given, so use your judgement.

Really? You realize what you've said here, right?

-Hollywood
"grease up that cookie sheet, cause I hate when my balls stick"- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Okay I'll try with the egg whites. I never got the thing about the egg
whites but apparently all the Hollywood people recommend them...

c
egg whites: one more thing to get confused about

On Oct 28, 12:25 pm, wrote:
On Oct 28, 10:17?am, Hollywood wrote:





On Oct 26, 10:06 pm, wrote:

I've been interested in something like a cookie lately, but the store-
bought lowcarb ones are full of maltitol and they always have a sort
of pressed milkcarton consistency. I really didn't have much to lose
trying to make my own, but I can't really cook. I basically employ
the sandcastle technique in the kitchen and come up with disasters of
various proportions ranging from minor to epic.

Sometimes the disaster is edible, sometimes it ends up in the garbage
disposal, which is what happened last week with a chemically
undefinable substance that used to be peanut butter and baker's
chocolate.

This week though, I got this idea:

Two cups of vanilla whey protein
1/2 cup of peanut butter
2 eggs
a couple tablespoons of butter
1/2 cup of almond meal
splenda.

I mushed all this up together til I got something that resembled
cookie dough. I didn't want to mess with baking soda or baking powder
because I've actually made things explode before with that stuff.

I dropped clumps of the batter on a buttered baking sheet and had it
in the oven at 325 for twenty minutes. Came out okay, although instead
of flattening and spreading they came out less like "cookies" and more
like "snack balls".

This is almost as horrible as it sounds but they had potential. They
were truly no worse-tasting than those Carbolite cookies that used to
be around. They needed a little manual flattening to seem like a
cookies, a little sweetening and possibly some maple flavoring. Or, if
you just preferred the salty balls flavor you could put them in muffin
tins and get that great Carbolite muffin experience of yore.

Object: To produce a cookielike object using feasible ingredients.
Method: c allowed in kitchen for one hour with no supervision and only
blunt utensils
Result: South Park Salty Balls

Uhm, no

2 tablespoons of cinnamon
2-3 egg whites
half stick of butter (melted)
1 cup flour (I guess we'd use almond flour? Carbquik?)
1/4 cup of unsweetened chocolate
1/2 cup brandy
1-2 bags sugar (Splenda? I dunno)
1 pinch vanilla (hell, throw in all the seeds from 1 pod)

Stir with wooden spoon in a bowl
Bake at 350.
No timing is given, so use your judgement.

Really? You realize what you've said here, right?



-Hollywood
"grease up that cookie sheet, cause I hate when my balls stick"- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

Okay I'll try with the egg whites. I never got the thing about the egg
whites but apparently all the Hollywood people recommend them...

c
egg whites: one more thing to get confused about- Hide quoted text -

If you're gonna call it Chocolate Salty Balls, it's gotta be based on
the
recipe at some point.

I understand that your judgement is, well, not quite ready for a
recipe
without a firm time in it.

Hollywood
"If you ever need a quick pick me up, just put my balls in your mouth"
-Chef, "Chocolate Salty Balls"