Overweight Child

Your points are well taken, and appreciated. Thank you. Unlike you, I
wanted to lose weight when I was younger. I felt like an outcast as an
overweight child. When I became a young adult, I took charge and
changed my life----and I resented my mother for not giving the whole
family better options when it came to food and exercise.

I don't think I'm trying to make the kid feel shame though. I
don't do that. I'm trying to impress upon her the importance of a
healthy diet, making the right food choices and the value of physical
activity. I have told her that she needs to pay attention to these
issues, so that moving forward she won't have to struggle with her
weight her whole life.

And to be completely honest, I do find it horrendous that the kid
can't do simple, sustained physical activity that she should do with
ease as a young teenager. I'm sorry, but a kid that age shouldn't
have a rotund belly that sticks out over her pants. I do find it
extremely unattractive----I do admit that. Kids are not supposed to be
like that. I don't expect the kid to have steel abs, but I would
like to see her more healthy. To me, healthy means going light on
sugar, fat, etc. Your body just plain feels better when you put good
things in it and when you are physically active. Once you get used to
that end of things, when you put bad things in your body and neglect
physical activity, your demeanor is not as good.

My work out schedule is not obsessive. I get regular work-outs doing
strenuous activities, which is not obsessive. That's what you're
supposed to do to keep in shape and have a healthy heart. Get physical
activity at least 3 times per week. Is it hard? Of course it is, with
the rest of life being so busy. But this is an investment in the
bodies that are supposed to last us for decades. My mind is clearer,
my attitude is better and it helps in managing stress.

All I'm looking to "treat" at this point is getting the kid to do
physical activity 3 times a week, getting all the junk food out of the
house and strongly encouraging the consumption of fruits & veggies, and
foods prepared in a healthy way in healthy portions--the way WW
suggests. Nothing wrong with that-----but it takes work and sometimes
it takes more than just a subtle suggestion.

"Lisa M" wrote in message
ups.com...
Your points are well taken, and appreciated. Thank you. Unlike you, I
wanted to lose weight when I was younger. I felt like an outcast as
an
overweight child. When I became a young adult, I took charge and
changed my life----and I resented my mother for not giving the whole
family better options when it came to food and exercise.

I don't think I'm trying to make the kid feel shame though. I
don't do that. I'm trying to impress upon her the importance of a
healthy diet, making the right food choices and the value of physical
activity. I have told her that she needs to pay attention to these
issues, so that moving forward she won't have to struggle with her
weight her whole life.

And to be completely honest, I do find it horrendous that the kid
can't do simple, sustained physical activity that she should do with
ease as a young teenager. I'm sorry, but a kid that age shouldn't
have a rotund belly that sticks out over her pants. I do find it
extremely unattractive----I do admit that. Kids are not supposed to
be
like that. I don't expect the kid to have steel abs, but I would
like to see her more healthy. To me, healthy means going light on
sugar, fat, etc. Your body just plain feels better when you put good
things in it and when you are physically active. Once you get used to
that end of things, when you put bad things in your body and neglect
physical activity, your demeanor is not as good.

My work out schedule is not obsessive. I get regular work-outs doing
strenuous activities, which is not obsessive. That's what you're
supposed to do to keep in shape and have a healthy heart. Get
physical
activity at least 3 times per week. Is it hard? Of course it is,
with
the rest of life being so busy. But this is an investment in the
bodies that are supposed to last us for decades. My mind is clearer,
my attitude is better and it helps in managing stress.

All I'm looking to "treat" at this point is getting the kid to do
physical activity 3 times a week, getting all the junk food out of the
house and strongly encouraging the consumption of fruits & veggies,
and
foods prepared in a healthy way in healthy portions--the way WW
suggests. Nothing wrong with that-----but it takes work and
sometimes
it takes more than just a subtle suggestion.


Lisa, I think your heart is in the right place. Is there any kind of
physical activity she likes? My student began to lose by playing
basketball with his buddies. I like to walk and know that gentle hiking
and even walking around the neighborhood are good ways for me to lose
weight. You could never force me into a gym. I am totally
uncoordinated and embarrassed. I am going to take a gentle stretching
class beginning the 23rd through the local adult school and I bought a
basic yoga tape at Target. I tried yoga last year and liked it but
again, I don't like group exercise. Does she have physical education at
school?

There are yummy lower cal treats she may like such as salsa mixed with
plain yogurt or nf cottage cheese and veggies as dippers. You can make
your own healthy pizzas. If you are in charge of buying the groceries
and planning the meals, you can help her a lot. There will still be
sneaking and going off the program but if she sees a weight loss, she'll
know it's a good plan for anyone.

Audrey

Thanks for your support.

She seems to like the walking & hiking at the moment, so I think
that's an option. In the warmer months she has walked to school (a
mile) but the cold weather seems to have made this option not as
palatable for her. Our pool is closed for the winter, but we do have
the opportunity to join a local program for "family swim" at a pool
later this month. While I think doing laps would be of the greatest
benefit, I'll take them to splash around while I do laps. It's
better than sitting around watching TV. (Laps is boring for adults,
let alone a kid.) I'm looking at having a physical activity 3 times
per week, so swimming, walking and some other activity would work. The
winter weather has presented some challenge in this area.

We have the kids 5 days a week, and their mother has them 2 ½ days.
That adds to our challenge, since there they are eating pizza, ice
cream and the like when they're there. Your suggestion of salsa is a
great one, and I like having a home made salsa on hand at all times to
add to whatever the meat course is for dinner, or piled atop a salad.
It is really refreshing, and it gets the veggies in.

Thanks again!

I think it is critically important to not have "junk" in the house. For
normal weight people as well as others. The diet of the US in general is
disgusting. I am in no way advocating that anyone eat a poor diet.

Here is the odd thing. I too "wanted" desperately to be slim. That is
irrelevant. Kids ALL want to lose weight today, the normal weight ones want
it out front and will discuss it ad nauseum with all their normal weight
friends. The shame I speak of is already being piled onto this child by that
same television that advertises super sizing the burgers, not to mention all
of her peer group. Fat kids don't talk about it because it is too painful.
When I was 11 I was just about the size of the child you describe. Nothing
like what I was at my worst when I weighed in at WW once and the scale went
CLANG at 350, and stayed firmly stuck with the metal bar on the top of the
little box, unable to weigh me at all. We guessed 365 back then in 1981. So
that is what I use for my top weight.

I exercise too. The thing that triggered that comment for me is that you
gained when you couldn't . I know I am being offensive, but this is
indicative of an emotional eating problem as well. When I have something
that interferes with my exercise program today, and heck, life happens... I
alter my intake to correspond.

And I am human, sometimes I get into my "red" zone, and have to lose 3 or 4
pounds. I have been at lifetime for 29 months now and probably have had to
lose that 3 or 4 a good 30 times over that period. Since I did in fact work
on my emotional issues however, if I can't exercise I know it is a problem
and I adjust my food. I am admittedly still over involved with food.

The thing that is so very important here is not the size of the child, it is
the acceptance and love she gets at home. It is absolutely the best thing to
eat what you want her to eat, Everyone in the house, and to be aware that a
growing child needs more calories in total than you do. And to not spread
the shame. It is way more important to her eventual health that she feel
loved unconditionally.



--
Lesanne
"Lisa M" wrote in message
ups.com...
Your points are well taken, and appreciated. Thank you. Unlike you, I
wanted to lose weight when I was younger. I felt like an outcast as an
overweight child. When I became a young adult, I took charge and
changed my life----and I resented my mother for not giving the whole
family better options when it came to food and exercise.

I don't think I'm trying to make the kid feel shame though. I
don't do that. I'm trying to impress upon her the importance of a
healthy diet, making the right food choices and the value of physical
activity. I have told her that she needs to pay attention to these
issues, so that moving forward she won't have to struggle with her
weight her whole life.

And to be completely honest, I do find it horrendous that the kid
can't do simple, sustained physical activity that she should do with
ease as a young teenager. I'm sorry, but a kid that age shouldn't
have a rotund belly that sticks out over her pants. I do find it
extremely unattractive----I do admit that. Kids are not supposed to be
like that. I don't expect the kid to have steel abs, but I would
like to see her more healthy. To me, healthy means going light on
sugar, fat, etc. Your body just plain feels better when you put good
things in it and when you are physically active. Once you get used to
that end of things, when you put bad things in your body and neglect
physical activity, your demeanor is not as good.

My work out schedule is not obsessive. I get regular work-outs doing
strenuous activities, which is not obsessive. That's what you're
supposed to do to keep in shape and have a healthy heart. Get physical
activity at least 3 times per week. Is it hard? Of course it is, with
the rest of life being so busy. But this is an investment in the
bodies that are supposed to last us for decades. My mind is clearer,
my attitude is better and it helps in managing stress.

All I'm looking to "treat" at this point is getting the kid to do
physical activity 3 times a week, getting all the junk food out of the
house and strongly encouraging the consumption of fruits & veggies, and
foods prepared in a healthy way in healthy portions--the way WW
suggests. Nothing wrong with that-----but it takes work and sometimes
it takes more than just a subtle suggestion.

Regarding exercise, the kids really seem to like those dance things. Wish I
knew what they were called, they put a mat on the floor and a video comes
with it - their kind of music. Bicycle? I know it's hard in the cold. I use
an IPOD with my music to turn many activities into exercise. I will ask
again Does Dad do any activity that he could include his children in?

food, make dessert but sneak fruit into everything. Like apple crumble
with oatmeal topping, pumpkin pie made with skim evap. milk and splenda. Get
some of the Blue Bunny sugar free lowfat ice cream. If you have time, maybe
even make some low sugar low fat oatmeal cookies. Make her aware that she
can eat well without making all the high calorie choices. The important
thing is to not mention it when negative stuff comes to your attention.
Eliminate the rebellion factor. If this is impossible for you check out some
help with it for yourself. Learn how to project unconditional love. And then
set a good example.

You could look at the weekend where she eats whatever as a refeed period if
she is getting enough activity in .

--
Lesanne
"Lisa M" wrote in message
ups.com...
Thanks for your support.

She seems to like the walking & hiking at the moment, so I think
that's an option. In the warmer months she has walked to school (a
mile) but the cold weather seems to have made this option not as
palatable for her. Our pool is closed for the winter, but we do have
the opportunity to join a local program for "family swim" at a pool
later this month. While I think doing laps would be of the greatest
benefit, I'll take them to splash around while I do laps. It's
better than sitting around watching TV. (Laps is boring for adults,
let alone a kid.) I'm looking at having a physical activity 3 times
per week, so swimming, walking and some other activity would work. The
winter weather has presented some challenge in this area.

We have the kids 5 days a week, and their mother has them 2 ½ days.
That adds to our challenge, since there they are eating pizza, ice
cream and the like when they're there. Your suggestion of salsa is a
great one, and I like having a home made salsa on hand at all times to
add to whatever the meat course is for dinner, or piled atop a salad.
It is really refreshing, and it gets the veggies in.

Thanks again!

I'm not sure what's going on with her as far as her body image.
When she got busted sneaking the left over Halloween candy in her
father's closet that she snooped to find, she claimed that she's
not concerned with her weight "right now" and that it is her
"right" to have that candy that she worked hard to get ("work"
= trick-or-treating). Of course, he should have dumped it months
ago...But I found it interesting that she said that she doesn't care
about that "right now". She's wanted "belly shirts" in the
past, and thinks nothing of putting on the shortest skort for school
(which has since been tossed.) Part of my dilemma is that she SAYS she
doesn't care, and acts like she doesn't care. Her particular peer
group don't seem very interested in make-up, clothes or weight.

The reality is that her father and I give her nurturing, which we do in
many ways. I just can't support watching the kid abuse her body and
demand that we support this by handing over the garbage she would
rather eat than the healthy food I'm trying hard to get these kids to
even try.

We've graduated to spinach salads, which even though it takes the
kids a long time to get into them at the dinner table, we are getting
that food into them. I've gotten them to try a couple of new things
which have become part of their food vocabulary. "Core" turkey
stew is another one of these things, which I love. And believe me,
this has been and continues to be a struggle...getting them to even try
something new.

I think I'm forcing the issue because of how painful it was to be an
overweight kid myself, and how I need to work hard to maintain a
healthy weight for myself. Honestly, I believe that part of the
struggle to lose weight is for people to cultivate a positive self
image that was so sorely lacking as kids grew up into overweight
adults, along with learning new eating habits. In concert with giving
her the emotional support she needs, I do believe that offering a
positive role model and better choices is the way to go. Don't we
all need that??

On 2 Jan 2006 12:00:24 -0800, "Lisa M" wrote:

Your points are well taken, and appreciated. Thank you. Unlike you, I
wanted to lose weight when I was younger. I felt like an outcast as an
overweight child. When I became a young adult, I took charge and
changed my life----and I resented my mother for not giving the whole
family better options when it came to food and exercise.

Do you still resent your mother?

I don't think I'm trying to make the kid feel shame though. I
don't do that. I'm trying to impress upon her the importance of a
healthy diet, making the right food choices and the value of physical
activity. I have told her that she needs to pay attention to these
issues, so that moving forward she won't have to struggle with her
weight her whole life.

"The kid?" Wow, I'm feeling the love.
SHE IS TWELVE YEARS OLD!
Why not just give her a break? Does she live with you or her fat slob
mother? Isn't this really what it's about?

And to be completely honest, I do find it horrendous that the kid
can't do simple, sustained physical activity that she should do with
ease as a young teenager. I'm sorry, but a kid that age shouldn't
have a rotund belly that sticks out over her pants. I do find it
extremely unattractive----I do admit that. Kids are not supposed to be
like that. I don't expect the kid to have steel abs, but I would
like to see her more healthy. To me, healthy means going light on
sugar, fat, etc. Your body just plain feels better when you put good
things in it and when you are physically active. Once you get used to
that end of things, when you put bad things in your body and neglect
physical activity, your demeanor is not as good.

You need sensitivity training and some therapy. Your resentment is
obvious and I think you are dangerous to this child, or kid, as you so
lovingly call her. Her father should tell you to mind your business.

My work out schedule is not obsessive. I get regular work-outs doing
strenuous activities, which is not obsessive. That's what you're
supposed to do to keep in shape and have a healthy heart. Get physical
activity at least 3 times per week. Is it hard? Of course it is, with
the rest of life being so busy. But this is an investment in the
bodies that are supposed to last us for decades. My mind is clearer,
my attitude is better and it helps in managing stress.

My grandmother never excersized a day in her life and she is 97.

All I'm looking to "treat" at this point is getting the kid to do
physical activity 3 times a week, getting all the junk food out of the
house and strongly encouraging the consumption of fruits & veggies, and
foods prepared in a healthy way in healthy portions--the way WW
suggests. Nothing wrong with that-----but it takes work and sometimes
it takes more than just a subtle suggestion.

You are not subtle. You are going to be the cause of an eating
disorder. Is that what you want? That poor child.

Dad is an avid cyclist, and the kids have joined him in that at times.
Personally, I'm not convinced this is the best physical activity for
girls that age, since it takes more than just tooling around the block
to have some affect. The little one (10 year old), Dad and I bought a
belly dancing DVD. The three of us did it in the den, and we had a
great time! The older one wanted no part of it, which I think is
partially due to my involvement, her kid sister's involvement and the
fact that she thinks that now that she's 13 she gets to be a princess
(which she has mentioned specifically a number of times.)

I like the idea of healthier snacks, but I'm against any of the
artificial sweeteners in anything. If I look, I'm sure I can find
some WW core recipes that offer good dessert options without too much
artificial ingredients.

Thanks for the suggestions.

I have a question...I'm seeing lots of posts mentioning unconditional
love & giving love. Would anyone care to expand on this? (The kids'
mother for the most part abandoned them, and MY father left us at an
early age-which coincided with my childhood weight-gain...) I'd
like to hear other peoples' accounts on how they believe parental
love or spousal love plays into our eating behaviors.

"Lisa M" wrote in message
ups.com...
Dad is an avid cyclist, and the kids have joined him in that at times.
Personally, I'm not convinced this is the best physical activity for
girls that age, since it takes more than just tooling around the block
to have some affect. The little one (10 year old), Dad and I bought a
belly dancing DVD. The three of us did it in the den, and we had a
great time! The older one wanted no part of it, which I think is
partially due to my involvement, her kid sister's involvement and the
fact that she thinks that now that she's 13 she gets to be a princess
(which she has mentioned specifically a number of times.)

I like the idea of healthier snacks, but I'm against any of the
artificial sweeteners in anything. If I look, I'm sure I can find
some WW core recipes that offer good dessert options without too much
artificial ingredients.

Thanks for the suggestions.

I have a question...I'm seeing lots of posts mentioning unconditional
love & giving love. Would anyone care to expand on this? (The kids'
mother for the most part abandoned them, and MY father left us at an
early age-which coincided with my childhood weight-gain...) I'd
like to hear other peoples' accounts on how they believe parental
love or spousal love plays into our eating behaviors.

Lisa, the cycling is awesome especially since it is an activity she'll
do with her father. Put aside your views on it. If I were a teen, you
would never ever see me belly dancing with the family. Perhaps I would
behind the locked door in my bedroom.Yes, she is a princess at thirteen
and hopefully she will enjoy ever minute of her pre-teen years and not
hate them as most kids do. They mostly all think they are fat and ugly
no matter what. I was a high school counselor and still teach high
school kids and those pre-teen years are horrible. Riding a bike with
her dad and other siblings is a lot easier than belly dancing with the
family. Trust me.

I've used artificail sweetners for 46 years and I am just fine

Audrey

Jangchub wrote:
On 2 Jan 2006 12:00:24 -0800, "Lisa M" wrote:

Your points are well taken, and appreciated. Thank you. Unlike you, I
wanted to lose weight when I was younger. I felt like an outcast as an
overweight child. When I became a young adult, I took charge and
changed my life----and I resented my mother for not giving the whole
family better options when it came to food and exercise.

Do you still resent your mother?

No--but I'm starting to resent you. Do you have anything at all
positive to add to the discussion?


I don't think I'm trying to make the kid feel shame though. I
don't do that. I'm trying to impress upon her the importance of a
healthy diet, making the right food choices and the value of physical
activity. I have told her that she needs to pay attention to these
issues, so that moving forward she won't have to struggle with her
weight her whole life.

"The kid?" Wow, I'm feeling the love.
SHE IS TWELVE YEARS OLD!
Why not just give her a break? Does she live with you or her fat slob
mother? Isn't this really what it's about?

No--this is about healthy weight management. "Kid", "child" --what's
the difference? I'm not getting anything positive out of what you're
saying here.


And to be completely honest, I do find it horrendous that the kid
can't do simple, sustained physical activity that she should do with
ease as a young teenager. I'm sorry, but a kid that age shouldn't
have a rotund belly that sticks out over her pants. I do find it
extremely unattractive----I do admit that. Kids are not supposed to be
like that. I don't expect the kid to have steel abs, but I would
like to see her more healthy. To me, healthy means going light on
sugar, fat, etc. Your body just plain feels better when you put good
things in it and when you are physically active. Once you get used to
that end of things, when you put bad things in your body and neglect
physical activity, your demeanor is not as good.

You need sensitivity training and some therapy. Your resentment is
obvious and I think you are dangerous to this child, or kid, as you so
lovingly call her. Her father should tell you to mind your business.

My work out schedule is not obsessive. I get regular work-outs doing
strenuous activities, which is not obsessive. That's what you're
supposed to do to keep in shape and have a healthy heart. Get physical
activity at least 3 times per week. Is it hard? Of course it is, with
the rest of life being so busy. But this is an investment in the
bodies that are supposed to last us for decades. My mind is clearer,
my attitude is better and it helps in managing stress.

My grandmother never excersized a day in her life and she is 97.

And your point is?


All I'm looking to "treat" at this point is getting the kid to do
physical activity 3 times a week, getting all the junk food out of the
house and strongly encouraging the consumption of fruits & veggies, and
foods prepared in a healthy way in healthy portions--the way WW
suggests. Nothing wrong with that-----but it takes work and sometimes
it takes more than just a subtle suggestion.

You are not subtle. You are going to be the cause of an eating
disorder. Is that what you want? That poor child.

You're very negative.