Bad night

Hi guys.

This is the worst night ever.

I suppose it all started yesterday when my daughter, otherwise always so
charming, kept throwing tantrums at me (she's really getting into the
Terrible Two's... with a vengance). I have a babysitter at home (I work at
home) every weekday but Thursdays, where I am alone with my two kids. And it
seems that no matter what I do, Mlle C (my daughter) has it in her head that
it's more fun to scream and cry when alone with mommy than with the
babysitter - who doesn't take that kind of s*. Anyway, I felt really low
last night, but I kept on the plan.

Today was different. I spent the day replying to stupid emails, and then
went shopping. Didn't find anything - or, I must admit, didn't want to find
anything; I seem to have a blocage from buying things for myself before I
get to goal, but this doesn't make sense: I must find new clothes, maternity
clothes just look bad on me now!

Anyway, I just ordered the ribs and chicken filet from the rotisserie, with
fries, and gobbled it all down. With two beers. Great. Over 40 points in one
meal. And I have a dinner at the restaurant planned for tomorrow, for which
I had saved my weekly bonus allowance.

I am thinking I can still make it OK at the restaurant, but I feel really
stupid for having indulged in a crappy meal. What's wrong with me? I was
doing sooo well.

Well, I know what's wrong with me. It's me eating my guilt over not being
able to have a nice day with my daughter, for not being "as good" as the
babysitter. Deep down inside I do know that her actions are normal, she's
testing her grounds, but on the other hand I find reason and emotions to be
sometimes so wide apart.
Mmm.. Well, that's better. Only writing helps realizing that first, I
shouldn't feel guilty over what happened yesterday, and second, knowing
that, I shouldn't feel guilty about my binge tonight - I can get right back
on track, I've been so good, I can be good again.


--
Isabelle
154.8/142/130