How would you respond?

I have this female friend who inspired me to join WW. I don't see her
very often, but I knew from her blog that she'd been working hard at
the program and losing weight, and that's what made me decide to join.
Last week, I saw her for the first time in 5 months, since before I
joined WW. I'd lost 40 pounds (and it shows), but she looked heavier
than I've ever seen her. She said to me, "Wow, you look great!" I
said, "Thanks! 40 pounds gone, hopefully for good." There were a
couple other women in the room, too. Anyway, I felt really bad because
I wanted to say, "You look great, too," but I couldn't bring myself to
lie on the fly. And there was this awkward moment where I felt like I
should have complimented her back. I am not known for my tact, but at
least this time I kept my mouth shut and changed the subject as quickly
as I could. I mean, she had to know I noticed that she'd regressed in
her weight loss (she hadn't been posting much about it on her blog,
lately, either). My fiance says I should have just said she looks
great, too. What would you have said? And what would you do (if
anything) to encourage a casual friend to get back into the program?
She was my inspiration, and I really want her to succeed. How will she
feel if I, who started WW several months after her, and for the first
time (compared to her four or five times), get down to my goal weight
while she remains obese? If it were me, I'd be devastated and
discouraged and disgusted with myself, and I really don't want to visit
that on her. I realize we all make our own choices in life, but I
really wish there was something I could to encourage her to succeed. I
know how bad she wants this.

On 29 Oct 2005 04:46:33 -0700, "ArchitectofSleep"
wrote:

My fiance says I should have just said she looks
great, too. What would you have said?

"How about you? How are you feeling with your health these days? Is
Weight Watchers still a good thing in your life?"

And what would you do (if anything) to encourage a casual friend to get back into the program?

Nothing, except ask and listen.

She was my inspiration, and I really want her to succeed. How will she
feel if I, who started WW several months after her, and for the first
time (compared to her four or five times), get down to my goal weight
while she remains obese? If it were me, I'd be devastated and
discouraged and disgusted with myself, and I really don't want to visit
that on her.

You don't have the power to visit that on her. Just remember that you
were once frustrated with your health and weight, and you WILL be
again, and let her be where she is without needing to "fix" it.

When I say you will be frustrated again, I don't mean that you will
regain the weight you lost. But you will encounter rough spots,
plateaus, times when you're not soaring along on a lose-every-week
high. That's gonna happen. And if you can step away from judging her
now, you'll be a LOT better prepared to not beat yourself up and
sabotage yourself when your own rough spots come. You are smart enough
to know this already -- you're clear that your discomfort with talking
to her is tied to your own feelings about yourself.

Give both of you a break. ;-)

--
Kristen
343/251/135

great loss, sorry I don't have any answer for your question, good luck, Lee
ArchitectofSleep wrote in message
oups.com...
I have this female friend who inspired me to join WW. I don't see her
very often, but I knew from her blog that she'd been working hard at
the program and losing weight, and that's what made me decide to join.
Last week, I saw her for the first time in 5 months, since before I
joined WW. I'd lost 40 pounds (and it shows), but she looked heavier
than I've ever seen her. She said to me, "Wow, you look great!" I
said, "Thanks! 40 pounds gone, hopefully for good." There were a
couple other women in the room, too. Anyway, I felt really bad because
I wanted to say, "You look great, too," but I couldn't bring myself to
lie on the fly. And there was this awkward moment where I felt like I
should have complimented her back. I am not known for my tact, but at
least this time I kept my mouth shut and changed the subject as quickly
as I could. I mean, she had to know I noticed that she'd regressed in
her weight loss (she hadn't been posting much about it on her blog,
lately, either). My fiance says I should have just said she looks
great, too. What would you have said? And what would you do (if
anything) to encourage a casual friend to get back into the program?
She was my inspiration, and I really want her to succeed. How will she
feel if I, who started WW several months after her, and for the first
time (compared to her four or five times), get down to my goal weight
while she remains obese? If it were me, I'd be devastated and
discouraged and disgusted with myself, and I really don't want to visit
that on her. I realize we all make our own choices in life, but I
really wish there was something I could to encourage her to succeed. I
know how bad she wants this.

It's funny, but here in Japan people seem a lot less reticent about saying
things like "you look like you put on some weight" - being quite frank about
it. So when somebody says "you look like you lost some weight" you know they
are being honest about it.

doug



On 10/29/05 10:12 PM, in article , "Miss
Violette" wrote:

great loss, sorry I don't have any answer for your question, good luck, Lee
ArchitectofSleep wrote in message
oups.com...
I have this female friend who inspired me to join WW. I don't see her
very often, but I knew from her blog that she'd been working hard at
the program and losing weight, and that's what made me decide to join.
Last week, I saw her for the first time in 5 months, since before I
joined WW. I'd lost 40 pounds (and it shows), but she looked heavier
than I've ever seen her. She said to me, "Wow, you look great!" I
said, "Thanks! 40 pounds gone, hopefully for good." There were a
couple other women in the room, too. Anyway, I felt really bad because
I wanted to say, "You look great, too," but I couldn't bring myself to
lie on the fly. And there was this awkward moment where I felt like I
should have complimented her back. I am not known for my tact, but at
least this time I kept my mouth shut and changed the subject as quickly
as I could. I mean, she had to know I noticed that she'd regressed in
her weight loss (she hadn't been posting much about it on her blog,
lately, either). My fiance says I should have just said she looks
great, too. What would you have said? And what would you do (if
anything) to encourage a casual friend to get back into the program?
She was my inspiration, and I really want her to succeed. How will she
feel if I, who started WW several months after her, and for the first
time (compared to her four or five times), get down to my goal weight
while she remains obese? If it were me, I'd be devastated and
discouraged and disgusted with myself, and I really don't want to visit
that on her. I realize we all make our own choices in life, but I
really wish there was something I could to encourage her to succeed. I
know how bad she wants this.

Great answer !

--
Will~

"... so that's how liberty ends, in a round of applause."

Queen Amidala, The revenge of the Syth.


"kmd" wrote in message
news
On 29 Oct 2005 04:46:33 -0700, "ArchitectofSleep"
wrote:

My fiance says I should have just said she looks
great, too. What would you have said?

"How about you? How are you feeling with your health these days? Is
Weight Watchers still a good thing in your life?"

And what would you do (if anything) to encourage a casual friend to get
back into the program?

Nothing, except ask and listen.

She was my inspiration, and I really want her to succeed. How will she
feel if I, who started WW several months after her, and for the first
time (compared to her four or five times), get down to my goal weight
while she remains obese? If it were me, I'd be devastated and
discouraged and disgusted with myself, and I really don't want to visit
that on her.

You don't have the power to visit that on her. Just remember that you
were once frustrated with your health and weight, and you WILL be
again, and let her be where she is without needing to "fix" it.

When I say you will be frustrated again, I don't mean that you will
regain the weight you lost. But you will encounter rough spots,
plateaus, times when you're not soaring along on a lose-every-week
high. That's gonna happen. And if you can step away from judging her
now, you'll be a LOT better prepared to not beat yourself up and
sabotage yourself when your own rough spots come. You are smart enough
to know this already -- you're clear that your discomfort with talking
to her is tied to your own feelings about yourself.

Give both of you a break. ;-)

--
Kristen
343/251/135

that would be refreshing, Lee
Doug Lerner wrote in message
...
It's funny, but here in Japan people seem a lot less reticent about saying
things like "you look like you put on some weight" - being quite frank
about
it. So when somebody says "you look like you lost some weight" you know
they
are being honest about it.

doug



On 10/29/05 10:12 PM, in article , "Miss
Violette" wrote:

great loss, sorry I don't have any answer for your question, good luck,
Lee
ArchitectofSleep wrote in message
oups.com...
I have this female friend who inspired me to join WW. I don't see her
very often, but I knew from her blog that she'd been working hard at
the program and losing weight, and that's what made me decide to join.
Last week, I saw her for the first time in 5 months, since before I
joined WW. I'd lost 40 pounds (and it shows), but she looked heavier
than I've ever seen her. She said to me, "Wow, you look great!" I
said, "Thanks! 40 pounds gone, hopefully for good." There were a
couple other women in the room, too. Anyway, I felt really bad because
I wanted to say, "You look great, too," but I couldn't bring myself to
lie on the fly. And there was this awkward moment where I felt like I
should have complimented her back. I am not known for my tact, but at
least this time I kept my mouth shut and changed the subject as quickly
as I could. I mean, she had to know I noticed that she'd regressed in
her weight loss (she hadn't been posting much about it on her blog,
lately, either). My fiance says I should have just said she looks
great, too. What would you have said? And what would you do (if
anything) to encourage a casual friend to get back into the program?
She was my inspiration, and I really want her to succeed. How will she
feel if I, who started WW several months after her, and for the first
time (compared to her four or five times), get down to my goal weight
while she remains obese? If it were me, I'd be devastated and
discouraged and disgusted with myself, and I really don't want to visit
that on her. I realize we all make our own choices in life, but I
really wish there was something I could to encourage her to succeed. I
know how bad she wants this.