There's a short in my switch

Thanks Willow. It was great to read the list of accomplishments. Sometimes
I get so caught up in the junk, I really can't remember what I've done. I
have thought about not dropping to 20 points, but sticking with 22. But in
my Tilt-A-Whirl frame of mind, I couldn't think clearly enough to figure
out how many flex points that left me.

Until I get things sorted out, I'm going to rely on my old 12-step
experiences and commit to being willing to become willing. In other words,
I'm just going to keep starting over when I stumble and eventually, the
good days and the good habit will outnumber the bad days and the bad
habits. But I might just whine a lot along the way, freely sharing my
consternation.

The way I go on, you'd never know I'm a contributing member of society.

Thanks Hazell. During these days of Halloween and All Saints' rites, maybe
it's the ghost of my formerly fat person haunting me. Kidding aside, I'm
feeling challenged to remember that this way of life is for Life, in both
the sense of prolonging it and in the sense of permanent, lifelong change.

Thanks Hazell. During these days of Halloween and All Saints' rites, maybe
it's the ghost of my formerly fat person haunting me. Kidding aside, I'm
feeling challenged to remember that this way of life is for Life, in both
the sense of prolonging it and in the sense of permanent, lifelong change.

I agree with the others suggestion of you going back to 22 points. This is a
mind thing that you have to work through. All of us have
been-there-done-that in some form or another. You'll figure it out--you
always do. You've come so far and you are certainly not fat if you get 20
points. Maybe trying Core for a couple of weeks would give you some relief
from counting points. That might ease your anxiety. Hang in there.

"Prairie Roots" wrote in message
...
You know how sometimes we talk about the 'switch,' that indefinable
moment when weight loss became possible? Well, mine's got a short or
something's gone haywire with the circuitry. I did fine last week. But
since my WI, my eating's gone off the deepend. Don't know what set it
off, but I just can't seem to stop. Well, not entirely true.
Yesterday, I ate well under my points after 3 days of overeating. But
today, I ate over points again and my 35 flex points are long gone.
What's going on? For one, I think I have a mental block about 20 daily
target points. 22 points I can do, no problem. Something happens,
though, when I drop to 20 points: I think I'm going to starve, which
then sets off all sorts of cravings.

Another thing I'm battling is feeling fat. I take jeans and shirts and
underwear out of the dryer and wonder who I thought I was kidding when
I bought such small clothes, or i figure that maybe they've shrunk
because surely those things won't fit me. As I type this, it's
laughable. But when I'm standing in front of the dryer, I'm not
laughing. In fact, I'm close to tears because I truly do despair about
what I'm going to wear now that all my fat clothes have been donated.
I put my clothes anyway and when I get dressed in the morning,
everything fits. If I keep eating, though, that won't last.

I mentioned all this today to a friend at work, and she looked at me
like I was crazy and said "Where could you possibly feel fat! My gawd,
you are so skinny." Honestly, I just don't see it. My head still sees
me back at 232 and feeling bad about much I weigh. And then those
people inside my head start taunting me: since I'm fat and will always
be fat, I might as well eat.

So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm gonna keep fighting this because
the rational part of my brain is still functioning. And I do not want
to go back. This week, though, I'll consider it a victory just to go
to my WI. I'm going to try to go to the meeting early and talk to the
leader. Thanks for listening.
--
Linda P
232/148.8/10% goal: 138

I agree with the others suggestion of you going back to 22 points. This is a
mind thing that you have to work through. All of us have
been-there-done-that in some form or another. You'll figure it out--you
always do. You've come so far and you are certainly not fat if you get 20
points. Maybe trying Core for a couple of weeks would give you some relief
from counting points. That might ease your anxiety. Hang in there.

"Prairie Roots" wrote in message
...
You know how sometimes we talk about the 'switch,' that indefinable
moment when weight loss became possible? Well, mine's got a short or
something's gone haywire with the circuitry. I did fine last week. But
since my WI, my eating's gone off the deepend. Don't know what set it
off, but I just can't seem to stop. Well, not entirely true.
Yesterday, I ate well under my points after 3 days of overeating. But
today, I ate over points again and my 35 flex points are long gone.
What's going on? For one, I think I have a mental block about 20 daily
target points. 22 points I can do, no problem. Something happens,
though, when I drop to 20 points: I think I'm going to starve, which
then sets off all sorts of cravings.

Another thing I'm battling is feeling fat. I take jeans and shirts and
underwear out of the dryer and wonder who I thought I was kidding when
I bought such small clothes, or i figure that maybe they've shrunk
because surely those things won't fit me. As I type this, it's
laughable. But when I'm standing in front of the dryer, I'm not
laughing. In fact, I'm close to tears because I truly do despair about
what I'm going to wear now that all my fat clothes have been donated.
I put my clothes anyway and when I get dressed in the morning,
everything fits. If I keep eating, though, that won't last.

I mentioned all this today to a friend at work, and she looked at me
like I was crazy and said "Where could you possibly feel fat! My gawd,
you are so skinny." Honestly, I just don't see it. My head still sees
me back at 232 and feeling bad about much I weigh. And then those
people inside my head start taunting me: since I'm fat and will always
be fat, I might as well eat.

So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm gonna keep fighting this because
the rational part of my brain is still functioning. And I do not want
to go back. This week, though, I'll consider it a victory just to go
to my WI. I'm going to try to go to the meeting early and talk to the
leader. Thanks for listening.
--
Linda P
232/148.8/10% goal: 138

Thanks Laura. "Anxiety" is the right word. Going back to 22 points
seems to be the correct tactic for now. Tomorrow is my WI, and I fully
expect to have regained every lb I lost the week previous. But I get
to start over--correction, I get to start from wherever I am. As long
as keep trying, there's hope that I'll eventually get things figured
out. Core, hmm. I don't have any trouble with the idea of
"restricting" myself to foods on the Core list. But not counting
points? That would feel like walking over the edge of a cliff.
--
Linda P

On Tue, 02 Nov 2004 23:25:23 GMT, "Laura"
wrote:

I agree with the others suggestion of you going back to 22 points. This is a
mind thing that you have to work through. All of us have
been-there-done-that in some form or another. You'll figure it out--you
always do. You've come so far and you are certainly not fat if you get 20
points. Maybe trying Core for a couple of weeks would give you some relief
from counting points. That might ease your anxiety. Hang in there.

"Prairie Roots" wrote in message
.. .
You know how sometimes we talk about the 'switch,' that indefinable
moment when weight loss became possible? Well, mine's got a short or
something's gone haywire with the circuitry. I did fine last week. But
since my WI, my eating's gone off the deepend. Don't know what set it
off, but I just can't seem to stop. Well, not entirely true.
Yesterday, I ate well under my points after 3 days of overeating. But
today, I ate over points again and my 35 flex points are long gone.
What's going on? For one, I think I have a mental block about 20 daily
target points. 22 points I can do, no problem. Something happens,
though, when I drop to 20 points: I think I'm going to starve, which
then sets off all sorts of cravings.

Another thing I'm battling is feeling fat. I take jeans and shirts and
underwear out of the dryer and wonder who I thought I was kidding when
I bought such small clothes, or i figure that maybe they've shrunk
because surely those things won't fit me. As I type this, it's
laughable. But when I'm standing in front of the dryer, I'm not
laughing. In fact, I'm close to tears because I truly do despair about
what I'm going to wear now that all my fat clothes have been donated.
I put my clothes anyway and when I get dressed in the morning,
everything fits. If I keep eating, though, that won't last.

I mentioned all this today to a friend at work, and she looked at me
like I was crazy and said "Where could you possibly feel fat! My gawd,
you are so skinny." Honestly, I just don't see it. My head still sees
me back at 232 and feeling bad about much I weigh. And then those
people inside my head start taunting me: since I'm fat and will always
be fat, I might as well eat.

So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm gonna keep fighting this because
the rational part of my brain is still functioning. And I do not want
to go back. This week, though, I'll consider it a victory just to go
to my WI. I'm going to try to go to the meeting early and talk to the
leader. Thanks for listening.
--
Linda P
232/148.8/10% goal: 138

I am doing a combination of Flex and Core. I only eat according to the Core
program and officially only count point for the non-core items. I am
unofficially still journalling and tracking my points like I did under Flex.
This keeps my portions under control. I tried not counting for a few days
and found that my portions were getting bigger cuz there was nothing to stop
me from having more. My ability to know when I am satisfied has not been
developed enough. I am better off having the normal portions placed on my
plate and stopping there. If I am still hungry later I will have something
else. This does not happen very often because everything is high fiber. Gone
are my junk foods. I still have my frequent non-fat ice cream from the
local ice cream store but I get a small and it is only 2 points. Well 1.5+
but I count it as 2 and I use my WPAs for that. I do have to make sure that
I eat enough points though. There have been numerous days that I just was
not very hungry and ate only 20 points. My normal target is 24.

"Prairie Roots" wrote in message
...
Thanks Laura. "Anxiety" is the right word. Going back to 22 points
seems to be the correct tactic for now. Tomorrow is my WI, and I fully
expect to have regained every lb I lost the week previous. But I get
to start over--correction, I get to start from wherever I am. As long
as keep trying, there's hope that I'll eventually get things figured
out. Core, hmm. I don't have any trouble with the idea of
"restricting" myself to foods on the Core list. But not counting
points? That would feel like walking over the edge of a cliff.
--
Linda P

On Tue, 02 Nov 2004 23:25:23 GMT, "Laura"
wrote:

I agree with the others suggestion of you going back to 22 points. This
is a
mind thing that you have to work through. All of us have
been-there-done-that in some form or another. You'll figure it out--you
always do. You've come so far and you are certainly not fat if you get 20
points. Maybe trying Core for a couple of weeks would give you some
relief
from counting points. That might ease your anxiety. Hang in there.

"Prairie Roots" wrote in message
.. .
You know how sometimes we talk about the 'switch,' that indefinable
moment when weight loss became possible? Well, mine's got a short or
something's gone haywire with the circuitry. I did fine last week. But
since my WI, my eating's gone off the deepend. Don't know what set it
off, but I just can't seem to stop. Well, not entirely true.
Yesterday, I ate well under my points after 3 days of overeating. But
today, I ate over points again and my 35 flex points are long gone.
What's going on? For one, I think I have a mental block about 20 daily
target points. 22 points I can do, no problem. Something happens,
though, when I drop to 20 points: I think I'm going to starve, which
then sets off all sorts of cravings.

Another thing I'm battling is feeling fat. I take jeans and shirts and
underwear out of the dryer and wonder who I thought I was kidding when
I bought such small clothes, or i figure that maybe they've shrunk
because surely those things won't fit me. As I type this, it's
laughable. But when I'm standing in front of the dryer, I'm not
laughing. In fact, I'm close to tears because I truly do despair about
what I'm going to wear now that all my fat clothes have been donated.
I put my clothes anyway and when I get dressed in the morning,
everything fits. If I keep eating, though, that won't last.

I mentioned all this today to a friend at work, and she looked at me
like I was crazy and said "Where could you possibly feel fat! My gawd,
you are so skinny." Honestly, I just don't see it. My head still sees
me back at 232 and feeling bad about much I weigh. And then those
people inside my head start taunting me: since I'm fat and will always
be fat, I might as well eat.

So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm gonna keep fighting this because
the rational part of my brain is still functioning. And I do not want
to go back. This week, though, I'll consider it a victory just to go
to my WI. I'm going to try to go to the meeting early and talk to the
leader. Thanks for listening.
--
Linda P
232/148.8/10% goal: 138

I am doing a combination of Flex and Core. I only eat according to the Core
program and officially only count point for the non-core items. I am
unofficially still journalling and tracking my points like I did under Flex.
This keeps my portions under control. I tried not counting for a few days
and found that my portions were getting bigger cuz there was nothing to stop
me from having more. My ability to know when I am satisfied has not been
developed enough. I am better off having the normal portions placed on my
plate and stopping there. If I am still hungry later I will have something
else. This does not happen very often because everything is high fiber. Gone
are my junk foods. I still have my frequent non-fat ice cream from the
local ice cream store but I get a small and it is only 2 points. Well 1.5+
but I count it as 2 and I use my WPAs for that. I do have to make sure that
I eat enough points though. There have been numerous days that I just was
not very hungry and ate only 20 points. My normal target is 24.

"Prairie Roots" wrote in message
...
Thanks Laura. "Anxiety" is the right word. Going back to 22 points
seems to be the correct tactic for now. Tomorrow is my WI, and I fully
expect to have regained every lb I lost the week previous. But I get
to start over--correction, I get to start from wherever I am. As long
as keep trying, there's hope that I'll eventually get things figured
out. Core, hmm. I don't have any trouble with the idea of
"restricting" myself to foods on the Core list. But not counting
points? That would feel like walking over the edge of a cliff.
--
Linda P

On Tue, 02 Nov 2004 23:25:23 GMT, "Laura"
wrote:

I agree with the others suggestion of you going back to 22 points. This
is a
mind thing that you have to work through. All of us have
been-there-done-that in some form or another. You'll figure it out--you
always do. You've come so far and you are certainly not fat if you get 20
points. Maybe trying Core for a couple of weeks would give you some
relief
from counting points. That might ease your anxiety. Hang in there.

"Prairie Roots" wrote in message
.. .
You know how sometimes we talk about the 'switch,' that indefinable
moment when weight loss became possible? Well, mine's got a short or
something's gone haywire with the circuitry. I did fine last week. But
since my WI, my eating's gone off the deepend. Don't know what set it
off, but I just can't seem to stop. Well, not entirely true.
Yesterday, I ate well under my points after 3 days of overeating. But
today, I ate over points again and my 35 flex points are long gone.
What's going on? For one, I think I have a mental block about 20 daily
target points. 22 points I can do, no problem. Something happens,
though, when I drop to 20 points: I think I'm going to starve, which
then sets off all sorts of cravings.

Another thing I'm battling is feeling fat. I take jeans and shirts and
underwear out of the dryer and wonder who I thought I was kidding when
I bought such small clothes, or i figure that maybe they've shrunk
because surely those things won't fit me. As I type this, it's
laughable. But when I'm standing in front of the dryer, I'm not
laughing. In fact, I'm close to tears because I truly do despair about
what I'm going to wear now that all my fat clothes have been donated.
I put my clothes anyway and when I get dressed in the morning,
everything fits. If I keep eating, though, that won't last.

I mentioned all this today to a friend at work, and she looked at me
like I was crazy and said "Where could you possibly feel fat! My gawd,
you are so skinny." Honestly, I just don't see it. My head still sees
me back at 232 and feeling bad about much I weigh. And then those
people inside my head start taunting me: since I'm fat and will always
be fat, I might as well eat.

So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm gonna keep fighting this because
the rational part of my brain is still functioning. And I do not want
to go back. This week, though, I'll consider it a victory just to go
to my WI. I'm going to try to go to the meeting early and talk to the
leader. Thanks for listening.
--
Linda P
232/148.8/10% goal: 138

Thanks Lee. There's a lot of truth in what you wrote and I greatly
appreciate your perceptive insights. When I read through your listing
of the ways I've changed, I noticed one significant omission: that
I've recently signed up with an online matchmaking service. Of all the
scary things I've done, this is the scariest.

As I read through the descriptions of what people are looking for in a
partner, or what people say to describe themselves, I feel horribly
inadequate and wonder why I think I'm bothering. Once again, the Greek
chorus is chanting "Who am I kidding?" And then panic sets in. Seeking
a life companion is such an act of hope, yet I feel so hopeless. And
terrified. And vulnerable: I had to think long and hard about what and
how much I would say about this in a repy to you. But I am starting to
talk about it with a few of my friends. Thankfully, none of them are
laughing at me (at least not in front of me!), and all of them are
sincerely helpful about offering feedback and suggestions and
reassurances. So at least I've mostly stopped feeling stupid. And I'm
overcoming some of my self-consciousness.

By the way, just to put this into perspective, I've begun
corresponding with one person, but nothing offline. Imagine the
tailspin I'll go into if anything ever advances to that stage!!

Thanks for sparking my thinking Lee.
--
Linda P, who never made it past adolescence when it comes to affairs
of the heart


On Tue, 2 Nov 2004 05:03:58 -0800, "Miss Violette"
wrote:

first of all just go back to 22 points, there, see you aren't gonna starve.
Now let me tell you about last summer... I have seven nieces. they, the
older ones spend some time with me. I do the laundry and not being able to
see was very challenging because two of the nieces are around the size I am
now. As I pulled pants out of the dryer or washer to hang them I got very
frustrated and confused because I couldn't always tell their clothes from
mine. I realized that this was totally body image and I certainly could NOT
be the same size as a 15 year old. I had a great deal of difficulty with
this and then it dawned on me that maybe I didn't feel I deserve to be this
small and who was I kidding anyway, if I were that size I would be pretty
healthy and perhaps pretty attractive. I realized that this was my mind
self sabotaging my efforts. You could be going through the same things,
after all, you have redone your house, joined a bike club, gotten
advancement and recognition at your work, if you feel you are being
fraudulent and do not deserve these things because you are not worthy then
it has to be that you are really a fat person temporarily masquerading as a
thin one, and being basically honest you do not like the deception so
therefore if you are fat again then everyone will se you do not deserve
these great things you have accomplished.

I do sympathize but here is your kick in the rear**** you DO deserve all you
have accomplished and no amount of eating will quiet those voices, just turn
up the radio and go and exercise every time they start taunting you and
maybe you will make them tired enough they will shut up, I an so sorry you
have to go through this I know it is painful, Lee, who talks big but goes
through similar quite often
Prairie Roots wrote in message
.. .
You know how sometimes we talk about the 'switch,' that indefinable
moment when weight loss became possible? Well, mine's got a short or
something's gone haywire with the circuitry. I did fine last week. But
since my WI, my eating's gone off the deepend. Don't know what set it
off, but I just can't seem to stop. Well, not entirely true.
Yesterday, I ate well under my points after 3 days of overeating. But
today, I ate over points again and my 35 flex points are long gone.
What's going on? For one, I think I have a mental block about 20 daily
target points. 22 points I can do, no problem. Something happens,
though, when I drop to 20 points: I think I'm going to starve, which
then sets off all sorts of cravings.

Another thing I'm battling is feeling fat. I take jeans and shirts and
underwear out of the dryer and wonder who I thought I was kidding when
I bought such small clothes, or i figure that maybe they've shrunk
because surely those things won't fit me. As I type this, it's
laughable. But when I'm standing in front of the dryer, I'm not
laughing. In fact, I'm close to tears because I truly do despair about
what I'm going to wear now that all my fat clothes have been donated.
I put my clothes anyway and when I get dressed in the morning,
everything fits. If I keep eating, though, that won't last.

I mentioned all this today to a friend at work, and she looked at me
like I was crazy and said "Where could you possibly feel fat! My gawd,
you are so skinny." Honestly, I just don't see it. My head still sees
me back at 232 and feeling bad about much I weigh. And then those
people inside my head start taunting me: since I'm fat and will always
be fat, I might as well eat.

So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm gonna keep fighting this because
the rational part of my brain is still functioning. And I do not want
to go back. This week, though, I'll consider it a victory just to go
to my WI. I'm going to try to go to the meeting early and talk to the
leader. Thanks for listening.
--
Linda P
232/148.8/10% goal: 138

I wonder if this is causing some of your anxiety and not the number of daily
points. You could be subconsciously sabotaging yourself as a means of
protecting yourself from an unknown dating scene.

"Prairie Roots" wrote in message
...
Thanks Lee. There's a lot of truth in what you wrote and I greatly
appreciate your perceptive insights. When I read through your listing
of the ways I've changed, I noticed one significant omission: that
I've recently signed up with an online matchmaking service. Of all the
scary things I've done, this is the scariest.

As I read through the descriptions of what people are looking for in a
partner, or what people say to describe themselves, I feel horribly
inadequate and wonder why I think I'm bothering. Once again, the Greek
chorus is chanting "Who am I kidding?" And then panic sets in. Seeking
a life companion is such an act of hope, yet I feel so hopeless. And
terrified. And vulnerable: I had to think long and hard about what and
how much I would say about this in a repy to you. But I am starting to
talk about it with a few of my friends. Thankfully, none of them are
laughing at me (at least not in front of me!), and all of them are
sincerely helpful about offering feedback and suggestions and
reassurances. So at least I've mostly stopped feeling stupid. And I'm
overcoming some of my self-consciousness.

By the way, just to put this into perspective, I've begun
corresponding with one person, but nothing offline. Imagine the
tailspin I'll go into if anything ever advances to that stage!!

Thanks for sparking my thinking Lee.
--
Linda P, who never made it past adolescence when it comes to affairs
of the heart


On Tue, 2 Nov 2004 05:03:58 -0800, "Miss Violette"
wrote:

first of all just go back to 22 points, there, see you aren't gonna
starve.
Now let me tell you about last summer... I have seven nieces. they, the
older ones spend some time with me. I do the laundry and not being able
to
see was very challenging because two of the nieces are around the size I
am
now. As I pulled pants out of the dryer or washer to hang them I got
very
frustrated and confused because I couldn't always tell their clothes from
mine. I realized that this was totally body image and I certainly could
NOT
be the same size as a 15 year old. I had a great deal of difficulty with
this and then it dawned on me that maybe I didn't feel I deserve to be
this
small and who was I kidding anyway, if I were that size I would be pretty
healthy and perhaps pretty attractive. I realized that this was my mind
self sabotaging my efforts. You could be going through the same things,
after all, you have redone your house, joined a bike club, gotten
advancement and recognition at your work, if you feel you are being
fraudulent and do not deserve these things because you are not worthy
then
it has to be that you are really a fat person temporarily masquerading as
a
thin one, and being basically honest you do not like the deception so
therefore if you are fat again then everyone will se you do not deserve
these great things you have accomplished.

I do sympathize but here is your kick in the rear**** you DO deserve all
you
have accomplished and no amount of eating will quiet those voices, just
turn
up the radio and go and exercise every time they start taunting you and
maybe you will make them tired enough they will shut up, I an so sorry
you
have to go through this I know it is painful, Lee, who talks big but goes
through similar quite often
Prairie Roots wrote in message
.. .
You know how sometimes we talk about the 'switch,' that indefinable
moment when weight loss became possible? Well, mine's got a short or
something's gone haywire with the circuitry. I did fine last week. But
since my WI, my eating's gone off the deepend. Don't know what set it
off, but I just can't seem to stop. Well, not entirely true.
Yesterday, I ate well under my points after 3 days of overeating. But
today, I ate over points again and my 35 flex points are long gone.
What's going on? For one, I think I have a mental block about 20 daily
target points. 22 points I can do, no problem. Something happens,
though, when I drop to 20 points: I think I'm going to starve, which
then sets off all sorts of cravings.

Another thing I'm battling is feeling fat. I take jeans and shirts and
underwear out of the dryer and wonder who I thought I was kidding when
I bought such small clothes, or i figure that maybe they've shrunk
because surely those things won't fit me. As I type this, it's
laughable. But when I'm standing in front of the dryer, I'm not
laughing. In fact, I'm close to tears because I truly do despair about
what I'm going to wear now that all my fat clothes have been donated.
I put my clothes anyway and when I get dressed in the morning,
everything fits. If I keep eating, though, that won't last.

I mentioned all this today to a friend at work, and she looked at me
like I was crazy and said "Where could you possibly feel fat! My gawd,
you are so skinny." Honestly, I just don't see it. My head still sees
me back at 232 and feeling bad about much I weigh. And then those
people inside my head start taunting me: since I'm fat and will always
be fat, I might as well eat.

So that's what I'm dealing with. I'm gonna keep fighting this because
the rational part of my brain is still functioning. And I do not want
to go back. This week, though, I'll consider it a victory just to go
to my WI. I'm going to try to go to the meeting early and talk to the
leader. Thanks for listening.
--
Linda P
232/148.8/10% goal: 138