[OT][RANT][LONG] Very depressing day today

Hi everyone, Smokey here.

Sorry to go so far off topic, but something happened that's bothering the
hell out of me, and the only person that I can unconditionally dump on is
going through some major stuff herself. I feel closer to you old timers than
most of my local acquaintances, so I hope you don't mind if I grab a
shoulder to cry on.

I've been checking local news sources for something I can quote here, but I
can't seem to find a mention of it anywhere, so I'll just have to tell you
the information I got at work as it came in.

The 13 year old daughter of our warehouse manager was killed while crossing
the street last night. She was struck in the crosswalk, and the driver of
the vehicle claims that he stopped for the stop sign, yet her injuries
indicated a high speed impact. I haven't heard yet if there were any
witnesses, but we're told that the police got him, and in the usual
incompetent law enforcement of the Chicago Police Department, they dutifully
ignored all charges of manslaughter or any other action a real cop would
make in a case where a life was taken, wrote him a traffic ticket and sent
him on his way.

Once again, this is coming in scattered phone reports to the entire office
and warehouse staffs clustered around one speaker phone, but the injuries
that we know of for sure that led to her death involved shattered ribs, some
kind of damage to her lungs and a punctured liver.

And the part that I'm sure drove my co worker off the deep end, and had me
tearing up all day follows.

He was called to and arrived to the scene when the ambulance crew was still
working on her. When they informed him of her condition, he wanted to kiss
her goodbye, but they were still working on her and wouldn't let him near,
nor would they allow him to ride with. The same thing happened at the
hospital, they wouldn't let him see her. Her heart stopped 3 or 4 times, and
just before it stopped the final time, she told everyone in the room "Tell
my daddy I love him." then passed away. They never even got to say goodbye
to each other.

Now considering that he just lost his wife to cancer 5 years ago, the fact
that he's been blind drunk and suicidal since he got home can be very easily
understood. He lost his family in a span of 5 years. We all chipped in and
sent flowers, but he and I are the only to Polish people in the building, so
that sort of makes us related. There HAS to be something more I can do.
There has to be.

This has changed my outlook on one thing. I don't want to have a family
anymore. If this is the kind of pain it brings, I'll stay a loner.

Sorry for going on like this, but I just needed to vent somewhere, and with
my temper, nobody's safe.

Smokey,
An eye for an eye
a tooth for a tooth
a life for a life

Extremely ****ed!

"NeoSmokey" wrote in message thlink.net...
Hi everyone, Smokey here.

He was called to and arrived to the scene when the ambulance crew was still
working on her. When they informed him of her condition, he wanted to kiss
her goodbye, but they were still working on her and wouldn't let him near,
nor would they allow him to ride with. The same thing happened at the
hospital, they wouldn't let him see her. Her heart stopped 3 or 4 times, and
just before it stopped the final time, she told everyone in the room "Tell
my daddy I love him." then passed away. They never even got to say goodbye
to each other.

Now considering that he just lost his wife to cancer 5 years ago, the fact
that he's been blind drunk and suicidal since he got home can be very easily
understood. He lost his family in a span of 5 years. We all chipped in and
sent flowers, but he and I are the only to Polish people in the building, so
that sort of makes us related. There HAS to be something more I can do.
There has to be.

This has changed my outlook on one thing. I don't want to have a family
anymore. If this is the kind of pain it brings, I'll stay a loner.

Each one of us has to find our own answers about death and the loss of
loved ones. We have to find it ourselves, even if we finally come to
agree with the answers that others have also come up with, because it
is such a personal and lonely journey. We all die alone, at least it
seems so from this side of the veil, which makes it one of the most
personal attributes of life.

Yes, these two deaths have brought great grief to your friend. And
there is risk in life: but life is not meant to be hidden from. When
you say that you will choose to be a loner because of the risk that
family will bring pain, you perhaps should really consider if, in
doing so, you are not also going to be giving up the chance for some
of the greatest joys in life; because of the risk that grief might
also come along with the package at some point.

What I find most interesting and outrageous is that medical workers
denied this father the right to be near his greivously injured
daughter. That is the outrage here. Death is part of life, but this
kind of control by bureaucratic robots is not necessary as part of
life. This is evidence of what I have thought for a long time: that
Americans are too much just so many sheep. Too many Americans are too
intimidated by authority. I am not being critical of your friend,
because of course I was not there -- and his state of mind was
certainly confused -- but let us all stop standing for this kind of
treatment by "authority"! Let's all start standing up for ourselves.
Lets all stop bowing and being humble to questionable authority.

Rules and law do not necessarily equal moral obligation. Rules and
laws are not automatically ethical obligations! If you are given a
piece of ruled notebook paper, at least CONSIDER writing in the other
direction. Consider coloring outside the lines. Consider facing down
"authority"!

On Sat, 05 Jun 2004 06:14:00 GMT, "NeoSmokey"
wrote:

This has changed my outlook on one thing. I don't want to have a family
anymore. If this is the kind of pain it brings, I'll stay a loner.

Hi Smokey,

The venting is fine, it's good to get things that bother you off your
chest. But I hope you don't really mean what you said above.

The joy of loving other people, far outweighs the pain of losing them.
I would have missed out on a lot if I had not loved Marty, even though
there was significant pain in watching him die in a pretty bad way. I
miss him more than words could ever express.

You can never experience real happiness or grow as a human if you're
not willing to take real risks.

I'll always consider myself enriched for having known Marty even
though I didn't get to be with him as long as I would have liked. I
bet if you ask your friend the same question about his wife and
daughter, you will get the same answer.

Barbara

Barbara Hirsch, Publisher
OBESITY MEDS AND RESEARCH NEWS
The latest in obesity research and weight loss drug development
http://www.obesity-news.com/

It's so hard to know what to say. You're hurt and angry for your friend and
that's understandable. You and your friend are in my prayers. This is one
of the situations where only time and God's love will make it easier to
bear.

Tonia

"NeoSmokey" wrote in message
hlink.net...
Hi everyone, Smokey here.

Sorry to go so far off topic, but something happened that's bothering the
hell out of me, and the only person that I can unconditionally dump on is
going through some major stuff herself. I feel closer to you old timers
than
most of my local acquaintances, so I hope you don't mind if I grab a
shoulder to cry on.

I've been checking local news sources for something I can quote here, but
I
can't seem to find a mention of it anywhere, so I'll just have to tell you
the information I got at work as it came in.

The 13 year old daughter of our warehouse manager was killed while
crossing
the street last night. She was struck in the crosswalk, and the driver of
the vehicle claims that he stopped for the stop sign, yet her injuries
indicated a high speed impact. I haven't heard yet if there were any
witnesses, but we're told that the police got him, and in the usual
incompetent law enforcement of the Chicago Police Department, they
dutifully
ignored all charges of manslaughter or any other action a real cop would
make in a case where a life was taken, wrote him a traffic ticket and sent
him on his way.

Once again, this is coming in scattered phone reports to the entire office
and warehouse staffs clustered around one speaker phone, but the injuries
that we know of for sure that led to her death involved shattered ribs,
some
kind of damage to her lungs and a punctured liver.

And the part that I'm sure drove my co worker off the deep end, and had me
tearing up all day follows.

He was called to and arrived to the scene when the ambulance crew was
still
working on her. When they informed him of her condition, he wanted to kiss
her goodbye, but they were still working on her and wouldn't let him near,
nor would they allow him to ride with. The same thing happened at the
hospital, they wouldn't let him see her. Her heart stopped 3 or 4 times,
and
just before it stopped the final time, she told everyone in the room "Tell
my daddy I love him." then passed away. They never even got to say goodbye
to each other.

Now considering that he just lost his wife to cancer 5 years ago, the fact
that he's been blind drunk and suicidal since he got home can be very
easily
understood. He lost his family in a span of 5 years. We all chipped in and
sent flowers, but he and I are the only to Polish people in the building,
so
that sort of makes us related. There HAS to be something more I can do.
There has to be.

This has changed my outlook on one thing. I don't want to have a family
anymore. If this is the kind of pain it brings, I'll stay a loner.

Sorry for going on like this, but I just needed to vent somewhere, and
with
my temper, nobody's safe.

Smokey,
An eye for an eye
a tooth for a tooth
a life for a life

Extremely ****ed!

What a tragedy, Smokey. Your friend is going to need you more than ever,
especially in the upcoming months.

I have a friend who lost two children years ago. She lost a daughter to
cancer at age 12 and a son to meningitis when he was an infant. It's been
30 years but we still talk about the children and wonder how they would have
been as adults. As someone else said, take your cue from him and be a good
listener.

Don't let this turn you against a family of your own.

Beverly
"NeoSmokey" wrote in message
hlink.net...
Hi everyone, Smokey here.

Sorry to go so far off topic, but something happened that's bothering the
hell out of me, and the only person that I can unconditionally dump on is
going through some major stuff herself. I feel closer to you old timers
than
most of my local acquaintances, so I hope you don't mind if I grab a
shoulder to cry on.

I've been checking local news sources for something I can quote here, but
I
can't seem to find a mention of it anywhere, so I'll just have to tell you
the information I got at work as it came in.

The 13 year old daughter of our warehouse manager was killed while
crossing
the street last night. She was struck in the crosswalk, and the driver of
the vehicle claims that he stopped for the stop sign, yet her injuries
indicated a high speed impact. I haven't heard yet if there were any
witnesses, but we're told that the police got him, and in the usual
incompetent law enforcement of the Chicago Police Department, they
dutifully
ignored all charges of manslaughter or any other action a real cop would
make in a case where a life was taken, wrote him a traffic ticket and sent
him on his way.

Once again, this is coming in scattered phone reports to the entire office
and warehouse staffs clustered around one speaker phone, but the injuries
that we know of for sure that led to her death involved shattered ribs,
some
kind of damage to her lungs and a punctured liver.

And the part that I'm sure drove my co worker off the deep end, and had me
tearing up all day follows.

He was called to and arrived to the scene when the ambulance crew was
still
working on her. When they informed him of her condition, he wanted to kiss
her goodbye, but they were still working on her and wouldn't let him near,
nor would they allow him to ride with. The same thing happened at the
hospital, they wouldn't let him see her. Her heart stopped 3 or 4 times,
and
just before it stopped the final time, she told everyone in the room "Tell
my daddy I love him." then passed away. They never even got to say goodbye
to each other.

Now considering that he just lost his wife to cancer 5 years ago, the fact
that he's been blind drunk and suicidal since he got home can be very
easily
understood. He lost his family in a span of 5 years. We all chipped in and
sent flowers, but he and I are the only to Polish people in the building,
so
that sort of makes us related. There HAS to be something more I can do.
There has to be.

This has changed my outlook on one thing. I don't want to have a family
anymore. If this is the kind of pain it brings, I'll stay a loner.

Sorry for going on like this, but I just needed to vent somewhere, and
with
my temper, nobody's safe.

Smokey,
An eye for an eye
a tooth for a tooth
a life for a life

Extremely ****ed!

Smokey, this is a horrible thing to happen and I'm not surprised you
are feeling outraged. All you can do is be there for your co-worker
and offer to listen and be of any support he needs, although he's
probably beyond consolation just now.

The bevaviour of the medical staff seems brutal in the extreme. As
for the driver, it may not have been his fault but surely there will
be an inquest and a court hearing to establish this? Here, anyone
involved in an accident resulting in death or injury would be
brethalysed and the police would carry out a full investigation of the
accident scene and inform the driver some days later whether or not
they had found grounds for prosecution - it wouldn't be decided there
and then. Maybe it's different where you are.

I'm glad you find it helpful to share this here, and do let us know
how things go.

Finally, as others have already said, do remember that every time we
give our love to any person, or even to a pet animal, we set ouselves
up for all sorts of possible heartbreak, including the agony of final
separation, but I think most people would say that's not a reason for
not giving and receiving love in the first place.

janice


"NeoSmokey" wrote in message
thlink.net...
Hi everyone, Smokey here.

Sorry to go so far off topic, but something happened that's bothering the
hell out of me, and the only person that I can unconditionally dump on is
going through some major stuff herself. I feel closer to you old timers
than
most of my local acquaintances, so I hope you don't mind if I grab a
shoulder to cry on.

"janice" wrote in message
...
Smokey, this is a horrible thing to happen and I'm not surprised you
are feeling outraged. All you can do is be there for your co-worker
and offer to listen and be of any support he needs, although he's
probably beyond consolation just now.


I don't even know if he's going to be at the wake today. I'm anticipating
plenty of the usual awkwardness associated with these sort of things either
way.

The bevaviour of the medical staff seems brutal in the extreme.

In all honesty, I can fully understand the reasons that the paramedics and
hospital staffs kept them apart. I've worked in the pain and suffering
business long enough to know how these things work. Although it seems cruel,
letting a family member be present while they're working can be a deadly
hazard. They'll insist on being right next to the patient, blocking access
of the medical staff, and usually make so much noise that communication
becomes very difficult. Letting them get too close to the action can
actually do much more harm than good.

One thing that I DO believe should have been done differently by the ER
staff is that once it became evident that her heart wasn't going to be able
to keep going, they should have let him in then to say goodbye and hold her
as she passed.

As
for the driver, it may not have been his fault but surely there will
be an inquest and a court hearing to establish this? Here, anyone
involved in an accident resulting in death or injury would be
brethalysed and the police would carry out a full investigation of the
accident scene and inform the driver some days later whether or not
they had found grounds for prosecution - it wouldn't be decided there
and then. Maybe it's different where you are.


Keep in mind that we're talking about the Chicago PD here. A force of
arrogant, sadistic bullies so incompetent that the only time they make the
news is when they get themselves killed or arrested for their own greed
(you'd be shocked at how many do this while driving drunk, both on duty and
off, but still in uniform). This is a police force that takes 20 minutes to
respond to a "shots fired" call, can't be bothered pulling over a hit and
run driver, even if the victim is following them in while in touch with the
911 operator on the cell phone, and hold so much contempt toward the
handicapped community that they not only find any excuse they can to avoid
writing tickets for cars illegally parked in handicapped spaces, but are
frequently the offenders themselves. These are all based on personal
experience, not just opinion.

I don't see any justice being done here. Not with these cops.

I'm glad you find it helpful to share this here, and do let us know
how things go.


Thanks.

Finally, as others have already said, do remember that every time we
give our love to any person, or even to a pet animal, we set ouselves
up for all sorts of possible heartbreak, including the agony of final
separation, but I think most people would say that's not a reason for
not giving and receiving love in the first place.


I still have a LOT of thinking to do on that one.

"Beverly" wrote in message
...
What a tragedy, Smokey. Your friend is going to need you more than ever,
especially in the upcoming months.

I have a friend who lost two children years ago. She lost a daughter to
cancer at age 12 and a son to meningitis when he was an infant. It's been
30 years but we still talk about the children and wonder how they would
have
been as adults. As someone else said, take your cue from him and be a
good
listener.

Don't let this turn you against a family of your own.

Beverly

I echo beverly. I think the best thing you can do for him right now and
perhaps the only thing you can do is to be a shoulder to cry on and a good,
non judgemental ear to listen. So many times it's just about getting if off
your chest and feel like you're being heard.




"NeoSmokey" wrote in message
hlink.net...
Hi everyone, Smokey here.

Sorry to go so far off topic, but something happened that's bothering
the
hell out of me, and the only person that I can unconditionally dump on
is
going through some major stuff herself. I feel closer to you old timers
than
most of my local acquaintances, so I hope you don't mind if I grab a
shoulder to cry on.

I've been checking local news sources for something I can quote here,
but
I
can't seem to find a mention of it anywhere, so I'll just have to tell
you
the information I got at work as it came in.

The 13 year old daughter of our warehouse manager was killed while
crossing
the street last night. She was struck in the crosswalk, and the driver
of
the vehicle claims that he stopped for the stop sign, yet her injuries
indicated a high speed impact. I haven't heard yet if there were any
witnesses, but we're told that the police got him, and in the usual
incompetent law enforcement of the Chicago Police Department, they
dutifully
ignored all charges of manslaughter or any other action a real cop would
make in a case where a life was taken, wrote him a traffic ticket and
sent
him on his way.

Once again, this is coming in scattered phone reports to the entire
office
and warehouse staffs clustered around one speaker phone, but the
injuries
that we know of for sure that led to her death involved shattered ribs,
some
kind of damage to her lungs and a punctured liver.

And the part that I'm sure drove my co worker off the deep end, and had
me
tearing up all day follows.

He was called to and arrived to the scene when the ambulance crew was
still
working on her. When they informed him of her condition, he wanted to
kiss
her goodbye, but they were still working on her and wouldn't let him
near,
nor would they allow him to ride with. The same thing happened at the
hospital, they wouldn't let him see her. Her heart stopped 3 or 4 times,
and
just before it stopped the final time, she told everyone in the room
"Tell
my daddy I love him." then passed away. They never even got to say
goodbye
to each other.

Now considering that he just lost his wife to cancer 5 years ago, the
fact
that he's been blind drunk and suicidal since he got home can be very
easily
understood. He lost his family in a span of 5 years. We all chipped in
and
sent flowers, but he and I are the only to Polish people in the
building,
so
that sort of makes us related. There HAS to be something more I can do.
There has to be.

This has changed my outlook on one thing. I don't want to have a family
anymore. If this is the kind of pain it brings, I'll stay a loner.

Sorry for going on like this, but I just needed to vent somewhere, and
with
my temper, nobody's safe.

Smokey,
An eye for an eye
a tooth for a tooth
a life for a life

Extremely ****ed!

On Sun, 06 Jun 2004 13:35:23 GMT, "NeoSmokey"
wrote:


I still have a LOT of thinking to do on that one.

That's good Smokey. Isolation is not the answer to avoiding the
possible pain of losing a loved one.

Hang in there.
Barbara

Barbara Hirsch, Publisher
OBESITY MEDS AND RESEARCH NEWS
The latest in obesity research and weight loss drug development
http://www.obesity-news.com/

Cry on my shoulder anytime!
I'm so so sorry for your grief ! Please know that you have people who
care!!

HUGS

glo