Worried about my girlfriend (Any way to encourage an obese person to want to lose weight)

Trouble is I think she doesn't think she has enough time in the day to do
anything like swimming since she has a full time job so exercising apart
from taking the dog for a walk which we already do is out of the question.

Also we eat pretty healthily only we do eat quite a lot so I cant think
that
she'll be thinking theres much she can do about her weight.

I just wish I could get her to go to the gym or something because I know
when I used to do it my life changed in the way that I enjoyed it as a new
hobby. I have told her shed enjoy it but she wont have it. I think she
thinks ( even though ive told her otherwise ) that the gym is full of
tanned
skinny girls so shed feel embarassed. Maybe.

I find it very encouraging to see overweight people on a treadmill. Any
little bit of activity is better than none.

MadJock
204/196/165

Dan B wrote:

Trouble is I think she doesn't think she has enough time in the day to do
anything like swimming since she has a full time job so exercising apart
from taking the dog for a walk which we already do is out of the question.

i work full time and go to school part time and i still manage to find
time to exercise.

making excuses for her to fail before she even starts isn't going to
help her lose weight.

I find it very encouraging to see overweight people on a treadmill. Any
little bit of activity is better than none.

MadJock
204/196/165



I think i've said this to her before but I totally agree. When I used to go
to the gym you get into a mentality that youre all there to get fit and
*anyone* in there doing their little bit earns admiration from the rest of
the group.

I've made my girlfriend out to be a little bit larger than she really is
maybe but in the gym there was always a few VERY large people. She wouldnt
have to worry about being the largest at all.

Its just persuading her that thats all......

Dan

making excuses for her to fail before she even starts isn't going to
help her lose weight.


Dont get me wrong there, i should have said

Trouble is I think she doesn't think she has enough time in the day to do
anything like swimming since she has a full time job so exercising apart
from taking the dog for a walk which we already do is "out of the question"

If not her words, words along the lines she would say.

I'm trying to get her to do these exercises remember..

Dan

On Wed, 1 Oct 2003 14:04:27 +0100, "Dan B"
wrote:

Trouble is I think she doesn't think she has enough time in the day to do
anything like swimming since she has a full time job so exercising apart
from taking the dog for a walk which we already do is out of the question.

That's an excuse. One that many people who aren't ready to make the
commitment, make. I know I did for a long time. But let me tell
you, I work full time plus. I also have a commute to work. I also
have a 9.5yr old son and I'm still technically a single mom. I also
have a relationship with my BF, and we have a cat and a dog.

I manage to find time. I can work 50+ hrs a week, spend 8+ hrs a
week in the car commuting, Get my son to soccer practice, take the
dog for a walk twice a day (at least 1 mile each time) and spend time
with the BF AND still manage to workout.

But - I enjoy working out. That's the key. I had to find something
I enjoyed before I could make that commitment. For me, the first joy
was bicycling. Low impact, didn't hurt my knees, and once I found my
pace and comfort zone, it was great. Swimming in another activity I
enjoy. Don't get to do it often, but I do enjoy it. Now that I
found this bootcamp class at the Y, I'm loving it. Totally my style
of workout.



Also we eat pretty healthily only we do eat quite a lot so I cant think that
she'll be thinking theres much she can do about her weight.

Volume is usually the problem for alot of people. Its the amount of
food you put in. You can get fat on salads if you use alot of high
fat dressing and calorie laiden ingredents.

Think of it this way. A serving of meat is about the size of a deck
of cards (or would lay in the palm of your hand, excluding fingers).
A serving of veggies is about the size of a balled up fist. Next time
you eat, take a quick judgement of how much is on your plate. If
your piece of meat (or pieces) is larger than a deck of cards - that's
too much. If your serving of rice or potatoes is larger than a
balled up fist, or a baseball - too much. Same for veggies.

The other key to the food - what its cooked in. Do you have lots of
butter on your veggies? What about sauces, cheeses, etc? Those add
up.

Bread is another downfall for alot of people. Once again, the serving
size for a piece of bread is about the size of a deck of cards.


I just wish I could get her to go to the gym or something because I know
when I used to do it my life changed in the way that I enjoyed it as a new
hobby. I have told her shed enjoy it but she wont have it. I think she
thinks ( even though ive told her otherwise ) that the gym is full of tanned
skinny girls so shed feel embarassed. Maybe.

You say "used to"... why don't you go now too? If you want to
change your gf's lifestyle, then change yours. She'll adapt from
there. Change your eating habits to eat less. Change your workout
habits to do more. And maybe find out her interests in some sort of
outdoor activity. team sports, or something. Find out what might
interest her that she won't consider "exercise" but that will be an
activty to get her moving.

You say "used to"... why don't you go now too? If you want to
change your gf's lifestyle, then change yours. She'll adapt from
there. Change your eating habits to eat less. Change your workout
habits to do more. And maybe find out her interests in some sort of
outdoor activity. team sports, or something. Find out what might
interest her that she won't consider "exercise" but that will be an
activty to get her moving.




I used to when I was at college but after leaving college It was too
expensive (i got it half price while i was studying there)

I'd love to go to the gym again now we have money but I'm pretty sure she
wouldnt come with me...

I'm definately going to cook less though but if were still hungry ( which i
imagine we will be until we get used to less food ) we're likely to eat
arent we? Oh the willpower needed here!

Still half the battle here is persuading her that its a good thing. I'm sure
deep down she knows this but just cant see a way to lose the weight.

Shes a very clever girl academically and is pretty wise when it comes to
most other things so im not sure why shes like this when it comes to her
weight.

She maybe had a hard time of it when she was younger but like I said i cant
really ask her without an arguement happening. Its a shame really because
having something in the relationship that we simply *cant* talk about is
definately not good.

Dan

"Dan B" wrote in message
...
Dont get me wrong there, i should have said

Trouble is I think she doesn't think she has enough time in the day to
do
anything like swimming since she has a full time job so exercising apart
from taking the dog for a walk which we already do is "out of the
question"

If not her words, words along the lines she would say.

I'm trying to get her to do these exercises remember..

Dan

What about getting an exercise bike? Most people watch the tv at least a
little every day, a bike can easily be used during that time. I work full
time and go to school and I still fit that in to my schedule quite easily.

The real problem is that you can't push her if she isn't ready. I spent
years being overweight and no amount of talking to me would have done
anything except make me mad. The only thing that got me going was my own
internal motivation.

in article , Dan B at
wrote on 10/1/03 9:29 AM:

I've made my girlfriend out to be a little bit larger than she really is
maybe but in the gym there was always a few VERY large people. She wouldnt
have to worry about being the largest at all.

Its just persuading her that thats all......

Dan
----

If she weighs as much as you indicated and is only 5 ft. 2" ...she's very
heavy.

As for "persuading" ...nothing happens until SHE decides it will.

Eliminate the junk from your diet and (if you live together) from the home.
Move more...walk and invite her along. You will both feel better.

In the nicest quietest way... tell her that you are concerned about her
health and the danger she is in.

Tell her you care for her and don't want to lose her.

The very best you can do is lead by example.

Patricia

Dan B wrote:

making excuses for her to fail before she even starts isn't going to
help her lose weight.


Dont get me wrong there, i should have said

Trouble is I think she doesn't think she has enough time in the day to do
anything like swimming since she has a full time job so exercising apart
from taking the dog for a walk which we already do is "out of the question"

If not her words, words along the lines she would say.

I'm trying to get her to do these exercises remember..

uh huh. you've said twice now that it's "out of the question" due to
time constraints. other people have time constraints. they find time
to exercise because it's important to them.

you can't make someone lose weight. she'll do it on her own or not at
all.

I just read through the list of responses and found most of them to cover
everything I might have said.

I didn't see too much about cooking and food, though. If you were to take
some responsibility for cooking really good food loaded with veggies and
good fats, perhaps she would learn to enjoy healthier foods.

Also, environment plays a big role. Some folks love the gym. It takes too
much time out of my day. I end up spending more time driving and dressing
and showering than I do exercising. My solution was to buy a treadmill and
weights for the house. Now, before I get dressed, I exercise and it
involves no travel time. I am also sort of messy If you walked into my
living room right now, you would find some ten pound weights next to my
chair where I watch TV. Without thinking, I will often pick them up and
work with them while watching the tube.

If you are in front of the TV doing a workout tape or if you are in the
kitchen peeling and paring veggies, the total environment will change for
her. She may be inspired.

Telling her that she needs to lose weight is like telling her the sky is
blue. She knows this. Let it be. If she loves you the way that most women
love the men in their lives, she will take cues from you. If your free time
is spent exercising and she wants to be with you, she will exercise, too.

Also, be mindful of problems with depression. Chronic pain can cause
depression and there is nothing like the serotonin release from a high carb
meal to temporarily put a Band-Aid on it.

j
"Dan B" wrote in message
...
Hello,

I've been looking at this newsgroup for a while now and have finally
decided
to post.

Basically I have a girlfriend who is very overweight, A size 24 in UK
terms,
not sure what that is elsewhere. Not a clue what her weight is because she
wont allow us to have scales in the house but I would say she is around 18
stone at 5"2.

The trouble is that I can't approach her on the subject because the first
time i mention it she will change the subject quickly and if i mention it
again then im "going on" and we end up having an arguement and not
speaking
for the rest of the day. She says that the more i mention it the more she
is
likely to eat or get upset so I say nothing but I dearly love her and am
VERY concerned. I'm worried she will go on to get diabetes (which
ultimately
killed my father) or heart disease but with her the urgency isnt there
since
she would probably not get these things until she's "older".

I realise that she isnt ever going to be stick thin, and I dont want her
to
be, but we both know that at the moment she is very overweight. If she
could
manage to go down a few sizes (or weight if i could convince her to get
some
scales) i know she would be far healthier.

Is there anything I can do to encourage her to lose weight or do i just
sit
back and watch my lovely baby getting more and more at risk of disease.

Thankyou for whatever thoughts you can offer.

Dan