What is the nicest thing people have said about your losing weight ?

I'm a believer in the power of praise and a disbeliever in criticism
(in changing behavior). I think even minor negative comments can be
toxic and have a negative impact on people (even if well intentioned)
and I believe that positive comments can have a heck of a positive
impact -- helping us reach goals we never thought possible.

What is the best thing that you can remember people saying about your
losing? And what do you want to hear more of?

For me it's my wife's saying, "You're doing great!" as I continue to
lose weight, continue to follow my diet and exercise program.

What do you wish your friends, significant other, your physician, your
pets (if they could talk human), etc., would say to you?

I'm interested in putting together a list of such compliments and
posting them here on ASD and maybe people can download them and post
them in their kitchens, etc., to remind themselves of the progress
they're making, to cue others to compliment them for their efforts,
etc.

No one is going to say to me: "You look MAH-VELOUS!" but a positive
reaction every now and then from those around me goes a long way.

Thanks for your time on this!

Yours,

Caleb

"Caleb" wrote in message
ups.com...
I'm a believer in the power of praise and a disbeliever in criticism
(in changing behavior). I think even minor negative comments can be
toxic and have a negative impact on people (even if well intentioned)
and I believe that positive comments can have a heck of a positive
impact -- helping us reach goals we never thought possible.

What is the best thing that you can remember people saying about your
losing? And what do you want to hear more of?

For me it's my wife's saying, "You're doing great!" as I continue to
lose weight, continue to follow my diet and exercise program.

What do you wish your friends, significant other, your physician, your
pets (if they could talk human), etc., would say to you?

I'm interested in putting together a list of such compliments and
posting them here on ASD and maybe people can download them and post
them in their kitchens, etc., to remind themselves of the progress
they're making, to cue others to compliment them for their efforts,
etc.

No one is going to say to me: "You look MAH-VELOUS!" but a positive
reaction every now and then from those around me goes a long way.

Thanks for your time on this!

Yours,

Caleb

JMO, I'd rather people just leave the whole topic alone. When anyone
mentions my weight in what most would consider a positive way, it just
reminds me that more than likely they were thinking or even expressing
negative thoughts behind my back. My whole being and personal worth doesn't
depend on how much I weigh. I diet for my health, not to receive praise
from other people. Frankly, I don't think we should comment about anybody's
weight. JMO, but I think it is rude to comment one way or the other.

I'm sure other people have opinions much different than mine. I just hate it
when people start with the old, "how did you do it" and expect to hear about
some miracle cure.

I will encourage and support the efforts of anyone who is trying to make
changes towards living a healthier life. I won't stoop to heaping
complements on someone because their rear is now a few inches smaller. Too
much of our self-worth seems to center around weight and it is taking a
psychological toll on too many people including children. Dr. Phil had a
program yesterday where children as young as eight were talking about
killing themselves because they were too fat, too ugly, too thin, too
whatever. Too many people turn dropping weight into a vanity issue rather
than a health issue. None of these children were saying they wanted to die
because they weren't healthy. They just felt they didn't meet society's
standard of beauty. JMO, but we should do all we can to discourage dieting
to meet some artificial standard of beauty and stress the importance of
maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

I would do something more positive for a dieter by actively getting
involved in supporting their efforts rather than just handing out some
compliment. I'd take them out for a healthy lunch or dinner and decide
together what we were ordering, bring them a snack that fits into their diet
plan instead of offering junk, or invite them to join me while I went for a
walk. To me active support is much more helpful than mere compliments or
praise. I'm not trying to be negative, just saying some of us appreciate
active support rather than mere words of praise. As always, my best advice
is do whatever works for you. After all your diet is about Y-O-U!

Thanks for your views -- certainly seem valid to me.

I guess rather than focus on "beauty" I would emphasize positive
changes that people are making over time in their lives. Kind of
related to someone telling me that they walk every day, or jog or do
curves or whatever on a regular basis. Or people helping with Tsunami
relief or doing other positive things that require some effort.

I think an "attaboy!" or "attagirl!" can sure be useful to those
slogging about in the trenches (which sometimes seem endless and
inescapable).

And I sure like your emphasis on joining with others to help everyone
achieve their goals! Terrific insight, I think.

Yours,

Caleb

In article , Janie
wrote:

To me active support is much more helpful than mere compliments or
praise. I'm not trying to be negative, just saying some of us appreciate
active support rather than mere words of praise.

After my big weight loss of 86 pounds, I lived for compliments.

Now, five years later, I love that weight is not an issue, I only
discuss it here.

When I hear friends talking about diet I don't jump in with any
"superior" knowlege ( unless its about gastric illness) and no one I
know considers that I have or ever had a weight problem. Even those I
knew me before 2000 have forgotten how obese I was.

Yet I need feedback and support here when undertaking something like my
current "Dr. Phil Behavior Mod" effort.

--
Diva
*****
Discipline is Liberation

On Sat, 03 Sep 2005 14:50:16 -0400, Janie wrote:
from other people. Frankly, I don't think we should comment about anybody's
weight. JMO, but I think it is rude to comment one way or the other.

I'm in this camp too. We've grown into a society that is too invasive of
other people's bodies. I don't like having to give an "eating seminar"
wherever I go (unless they want to pay me haha), and I just want to live
the rest of my life.

Caleb,
I too like having positive praise. But at the same time one of the nicest
things people have said is when they have said nothing at all? As in my case
I weighed 120 when my husband and got married, After 24 years and 2 children
I dont weigh that now. I have dieted it seems our entire marriage. When I
have succeeded in take off some weight and feeling good about myself he
always tells me how beautiful he thinks I am, and that makes me good. But
what makes me feel even better is when I have been at my heaviest he has
never critizied me or mad me feel bad. He still tells me I'm beautiful. In
2000 I weighed 262 My heaviest ever. I joined WW and did well for awhile lost
down to 197. I kept it off till 2003 and then my father died and a lot of
legal battles started. So since 2003 I've gained back up to 217 and thats why
I'm here because I don't want to gain it all back and I would like loose more.


Once, when I have asked him if my weight bothers him and if he would like me
to lose weight, he said that he would love me no matter what I did and that
if I was going to lose weight it should be for myself not for him. So then I
asked him how he can tell me I'm beautiful no matter what I weigh, and again
he said the right thing. He finds me beautiful because he's still sees the 17
yr old he married and that I am beautiful on the outside but most importantly
I'm beautiful on the inside.

It was also nice when my 6 yr old grandson was 3 yrs old and just entered our
lives because my daught married his daddy. We are very active in his life,
and other people in his life from his real mom and her family and even my son
in laws family don't ever seem to have time with you. But I had taken him to
the park and ice cream and on the way back home he told me I was his bestest
grandma that he had ever had. He had only had me for about 3 mths.

So that the kinda of positive comments I enjoy. All the other stuff from
other people I could really care less.

God has blessed my life in so many ways that I can't praise him enough.
Lori

On Sat, 3 Sep 2005 14:50:16 -0400, "Janie"
wrote:

JMO, I'd rather people just leave the whole topic alone. When anyone
mentions my weight in what most would consider a positive way, it just
reminds me that more than likely they were thinking or even expressing
negative thoughts behind my back. My whole being and personal worth doesn't
depend on how much I weigh. I diet for my health, not to receive praise
from other people. Frankly, I don't think we should comment about anybody's
weight. JMO, but I think it is rude to comment one way or the other.

I'm sure other people have opinions much different than mine. I just hate it
when people start with the old, "how did you do it" and expect to hear about
some miracle cure.

I couldn't agree with you more Janie. I hate anyone to comment on my
weight loss for much the same reasons as you. Similarly I never
comment on anyone else's weight. I also hate the endless discussions
that go on at work and elsewhere about diets, weight loss etc. and I
never join in. Sometimes I have to physically get up and go somewhere
else to get away from the conversation.

I also agree with you about the miracle cure. People expect you to
recommend a named diet or product, but they don't realise that even if
you do most of it would depend on the effort they themselves have to
put in to make it work for them. They don't want to hear that bit

janice

Lori -- Isn't that a heck of a sweet thing for your grandson to say?
And also what a mature and grown-up view from your husband! That kind
of reminds me of that country and western song about loving someone
"forever and ever, ever and ever Amen!"

A stanza of the song is this:
"They say time takes its toll on a body
Makes a young girls brown hair turn gray
Well honey I don't care I ain't in love with your hair
And if it all fell out we'll I'd love you anyway."

Kind of reminds me what Molly Ivins said:
"We enter this world naked and helpless and most of us leave it the
same way. In the meantime we really on the kindness of others." (Not
exact quote, but close.)

Yours,

Caleb

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"Ignoramus14363" wrote in message
...
I have thin friends and fat friends, mostly thin. (some of these thin
friends used to be fat). We like to talk about dieting sometimes and
it is a fun topic for conversations. Just today we had about 20 people
over (counting kids) and spoke a bit about diets etc. Everyone could
choose what to eat and no one insisted that someone else should eat
something. I cannot see just what is terrible about talking about
dieting in a respectful manner, or commenting about weight loss of
others if prompted.

The important words here are "if prompted". Individual reactions vary. If
somebody wants to talk or seems to thrive on praise and compliments then
comment. Otherwise, perhaps it is best to keep quiet. Some of us like to
avoid this topic while others enjoy talking at length. It's like politics
or religion, some want to get into endless discussions while others want to
avoid the whole situation.

I certainly don't consider diets as a "fun" topic for conversations. I have
much more interesting things to discuss with people in my life. My personal
experience with diet discussions has been anything but fun. In some groups
people bring up diets as a opportunity to take cheap shots and make personal
remarks without speaking directly to heavier people who are present.
Frankly, I hate the people who are constantly talking about diets and only
concerned about five vanity pounds. I also dislike those who have lost
weight and continue to make it their favorite topic for the rest of their
lives, especially when they use it as a opportunity to put down those who
haven't been as successful with the dieting efforts or use it as a constant
excuse to seek endless praise and complements forever.

I only discuss dieting in a support group with people who struggle as I do
to maintain any weight loss while trying to get to an even healthier weight.
The problem is simply that so many people do not talk about dieting and
weight loss in a respectful manner. And please remember that what may seem
respectful to you may actually be hurtful to someone who would rather not
discuss the topic but is forced to be polite whenever it comes up in
conversation. I've smiled my way through diet conversations when I would
rather have rammed a doughnut down the throat of the speaker just to shut
them off. Thanks, but the size of my ass just isn't open for "fun"
conversations.