Look at you, Damsel!

Teeb wrote:

I hate feeling like I have to be the food-cop around here.

So don't.

Your husband is an adult, treating him like a child allows him to act
like a child.

You can't do it. You end up being viewed as a nag and a bitch and your
efforts are not successful anyway.

No one can take responsibility for managing his diabetes but him.

The *only* thing that might improve the situation is giving the
responsibility back to him. He has no motivation to change, he can
behave badly and leave the responsibility to you.

I know that's easier said than done, when you care deeply for someone's
well-being and they act irresponsibly, it's hard not to fall into the
role of "cop."

Believe me, been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I have a 20 year
old daughter who spent a hell of a lot of years not listening to me -
and she didn't show any evidence of responsibility for herself at all
until I shut up and let her run her own life. It was *hard* - and she
amde some poor decisions and suffered consequences I'd have moved heaven
and earth to prevent. But she eventually picked up the responsibility
herself and quit acting like an idjit once I quit protecting her.

You just have to decide to let them deal with it themselves.

--
As you accelerate your food, it takes exponentially more and more energy
to increase its velocity, until you hit a limit at C. This energy has
to come from somewhere; in this case, from the food's nutritional value.
Thus, the faster the food is, the worse it gets.
-- Mark Hughes, comprehending the taste of fast food

"Damsel in dis Dress" wrote

It's a helluva way to live, isn't it? I forget which website I was
looking
for when I just change windows on my computer. Unless I have time to
formulate sentences in writing, I'm a total disaster. I can't remember
simples words, including once, my own daughter's name. This kind of thing
makes me cry a lot.

My hyperactivity is mostly manifested by constantly bouncing my legs, and
by scurrying all over the house for various reasons, frequently not
remembering why by the time I get somewhere.

Boy does this all sound familiar! I'd never change my ADD for anything,
'cause it really has some huge benefits and mine seems to be relatively
mild. Plus, it's just part of *me*... lol. I have always had that
forgetfulness thing, and it is the one thing that most drives me nuts!
Embarrassing sometimes! And yes, my kid's names come slowly occasionally.
I'll never know if I start getting Alzheimers.

You know, I always considered that I was free of the "H" part of ADHD, but
now that you mention it I have always had a 'very' hard time keeping my legs
still when I sit, a major fidgeter. And I do find myself jumping up and
having to roam around the house or office a lot. Part of it is the typical
ADD impulsiveness.

Hyperfocus rulz, though, so I hope you have that particular 'symptom'. I
love ADD people, though, almost always wicked sense of humor, typically also
smarter than average. Loquacious... lol.

HG

On Sat, 29 May 2004 09:57:13 -0400, "Hannah Gruen"
wrote:

I'd never change my ADD for anything,
'cause it really has some huge benefits and mine seems to be relatively
mild. Plus, it's just part of *me*... lol. I have always had that
forgetfulness thing, and it is the one thing that most drives me nuts!
Embarrassing sometimes! And yes, my kid's names come slowly occasionally.
I'll never know if I start getting Alzheimers.

Same here. Scares the hell out of me.

You know, I always considered that I was free of the "H" part of ADHD, but
now that you mention it I have always had a 'very' hard time keeping my legs
still when I sit, a major fidgeter. And I do find myself jumping up and
having to roam around the house or office a lot. Part of it is the typical
ADD impulsiveness.

We sound like twins! Do you spend money impulsively, as well?

Hyperfocus rulz, though, so I hope you have that particular 'symptom'.

I used to have hyperfocus. Now I've become very scattered.

I love ADD people, though, almost always wicked sense of humor, typically also
smarter than average.

Why am I suddenly thinking of Yogi Bear?

Loquacious... lol.

OH NO! A plague of loquaciouses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Carol, who can't be held accountable for the above, because I just woke up
--
Fasting BG 150
227/223/150 (official weigh-day: Thursday)
Bernstein 5/25/2004
Diabetes Dx 5/15/2001
Diet, Exercise, Oral Medication

I try and I try.. and of course it's always *my fault* that he *just can't
do it* because *I* do the grocery shopping. I know I need to make it his
responsibility... I end up feeling mean for keeping things around that *I*
like and that *I* can eat, even when I don't eat in front of him. I got into
the habit a long time ago of making threats about things when he wouldn't do
what he should, like go to the Dr.. before he was diagnosed 10+ years ago, I
KNEW he had diabetes.. all the symptoms were just too classic but he just
thought it was so neat he was losing weight so fast.. course there was all
the bitching about the rest of it. I finally printed out a list of all the
horrid things that could happen from uncontrolled diabetes and said "look..
here it is. This is what you are going to let happen if you don't go to the
Dr. If you don't go, and you end up vegetating in a nursing home blind and
missing half your limbs drooling out the corner of your mouth because of
something YOU COULD HAVE TAKEN CARE of, then *I* am not going to stick
around to wipe your ass." He made an appointment the very next day. And that
is what I continue to do ever since when he needs to do something to take
care of himself. HE says.. hey what about "in sickness and in health" I said
"Well it DOESN'T SAY IN STUPIDITY!!!"
At this point, the diabetes is very well under control. But he had been
doing so well losing weight before going on the insulin that I hate to see
him gain it all back because he felt so good about himself for it.. I am
tired of the bitching about it and did tell him this morning after he got on
the scale and whined yet again... "If you are not going to even try then I
don't want to listen to any more of it." Maybe I need to find a picutre of
some fat flabby hairy old man and stick it on the fridge...

Teeb


"Jackie Patti" wrote in message
...
Teeb wrote:

I hate feeling like I have to be the food-cop around here.

So don't.

Your husband is an adult, treating him like a child allows him to act
like a child.

You can't do it. You end up being viewed as a nag and a bitch and your
efforts are not successful anyway.

No one can take responsibility for managing his diabetes but him.

The *only* thing that might improve the situation is giving the
responsibility back to him. He has no motivation to change, he can
behave badly and leave the responsibility to you.

I know that's easier said than done, when you care deeply for someone's
well-being and they act irresponsibly, it's hard not to fall into the
role of "cop."

Believe me, been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I have a 20 year
old daughter who spent a hell of a lot of years not listening to me -
and she didn't show any evidence of responsibility for herself at all
until I shut up and let her run her own life. It was *hard* - and she
amde some poor decisions and suffered consequences I'd have moved heaven
and earth to prevent. But she eventually picked up the responsibility
herself and quit acting like an idjit once I quit protecting her.

You just have to decide to let them deal with it themselves.

--
As you accelerate your food, it takes exponentially more and more energy
to increase its velocity, until you hit a limit at C. This energy has
to come from somewhere; in this case, from the food's nutritional value.
Thus, the faster the food is, the worse it gets.
-- Mark Hughes, comprehending the taste of fast food