Help

I have been off and on at this group over the past two years.

I have been over weight all my life, but I now fear that I have turned my
problem over to my son.

He has been working out and dieting for around a year now. He extremely
thin and does not seem to be able to see it. He is 21 years old 5 feet 8
inches and weights 136 pounds on a medium build.

I don't know how to help him, he logs everything that goes into his mouth.
He will not eat spices because they have calories. He is totatlly obsessed
about his food.

He only eats about 1800 calories a day and refuses to go higher. He lies
about the fact that he is not eating enough and lies about his weight.

He exercises allot, runs about 40 miles a week and lifts weights 5 times a
week.

Does anyone have any suggestions, for a desperate mother.

you need to seek professional help, best of luck, Lee
Brown wrote in message
...
I have been off and on at this group over the past two years.

I have been over weight all my life, but I now fear that I have turned my
problem over to my son.

He has been working out and dieting for around a year now. He extremely
thin and does not seem to be able to see it. He is 21 years old 5 feet 8
inches and weights 136 pounds on a medium build.

I don't know how to help him, he logs everything that goes into his mouth.
He will not eat spices because they have calories. He is totatlly
obsessed
about his food.

He only eats about 1800 calories a day and refuses to go higher. He lies
about the fact that he is not eating enough and lies about his weight.

He exercises allot, runs about 40 miles a week and lifts weights 5 times a
week.

Does anyone have any suggestions, for a desperate mother.

Stormmee wrote:
you need to seek professional help, best of luck, Lee
Brown wrote in message
...
I have been off and on at this group over the past two years.

I have been over weight all my life, but I now fear that I have turned my
problem over to my son.

He has been working out and dieting for around a year now. He extremely
thin and does not seem to be able to see it. He is 21 years old 5 feet 8
inches and weights 136 pounds on a medium build.

I don't know how to help him, he logs everything that goes into his mouth.
He will not eat spices because they have calories. He is totatlly
obsessed
about his food.

He only eats about 1800 calories a day and refuses to go higher. He lies
about the fact that he is not eating enough and lies about his weight.

He exercises allot, runs about 40 miles a week and lifts weights 5 times a
week.

Does anyone have any suggestions, for a desperate mother.

He's an adult now, and must make his own choices. But you can help him
to see clearly by having all the information available for him if he's
willing to read it.

Yes, like all foods, spices do have calories: BUT you use so little of
them that the calorific value per serving of food is negligable. If you
put enough spice in something to make a difference to the calorific
value of the dish, it would be inedible!

1800 calories per day is not enough to maintain the level of fitness he
seems to require of himself. You could point out that he faces heart,
liver, and skeletal damage by eating so little, as well as depriving his
brain of essential nutrients, thus spoiling his concentration and adding
to his mental and physical stress, but you cannot make him eat or make
him alter his diet. You can only offer support for when he does. Try
not to nag him: he'll only resent it. And don't feel guilty: we all
have a choice and we all make our own way in the world. You have not
tied him to a treadmill and a set of weights and only fed him lean foods
and not enough of them. Try to emphasise that *being within the healthy
weight range for his height* is the true goal, not continuous
unrealistic weight loss.
--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

Thank you for your advice.

It is hard not to blame myself, I am over weight and have fed into his food
obsession by being that way. It is so hard to not feel guilty, he is my
child and I am supposed to be able to protect him.

He says he know he is hurting us and himself and he does not like how he
looks either but his head keeps telling him to cut calories. I don't know,
I am just sick about it.

Lorna
"Kate XXXXXX" wrote in message
...
Stormmee wrote:
you need to seek professional help, best of luck, Lee
Brown wrote in message
...
I have been off and on at this group over the past two years.

I have been over weight all my life, but I now fear that I have turned
my
problem over to my son.

He has been working out and dieting for around a year now. He extremely
thin and does not seem to be able to see it. He is 21 years old 5 feet
8
inches and weights 136 pounds on a medium build.

I don't know how to help him, he logs everything that goes into his
mouth.
He will not eat spices because they have calories. He is totatlly
obsessed
about his food.

He only eats about 1800 calories a day and refuses to go higher. He
lies
about the fact that he is not eating enough and lies about his weight.

He exercises allot, runs about 40 miles a week and lifts weights 5 times
a
week.

Does anyone have any suggestions, for a desperate mother.

He's an adult now, and must make his own choices. But you can help him to
see clearly by having all the information available for him if he's
willing to read it.

Yes, like all foods, spices do have calories: BUT you use so little of
them that the calorific value per serving of food is negligable. If you
put enough spice in something to make a difference to the calorific value
of the dish, it would be inedible!

1800 calories per day is not enough to maintain the level of fitness he
seems to require of himself. You could point out that he faces heart,
liver, and skeletal damage by eating so little, as well as depriving his
brain of essential nutrients, thus spoiling his concentration and adding
to his mental and physical stress, but you cannot make him eat or make him
alter his diet. You can only offer support for when he does. Try not to
nag him: he'll only resent it. And don't feel guilty: we all have a
choice and we all make our own way in the world. You have not tied him to
a treadmill and a set of weights and only fed him lean foods and not
enough of them. Try to emphasise that *being within the healthy weight
range for his height* is the true goal, not continuous unrealistic weight
loss.
--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

Brown wrote:
Thank you for your advice.

It is hard not to blame myself, I am over weight and have fed into his food
obsession by being that way. It is so hard to not feel guilty, he is my
child and I am supposed to be able to protect him.

I was skinny into my early 20's, but let myself get fat and was over
weight for many years. Laziness and greed, on my part. I've only ever
followed Weight Watchers, and as it has worked for me, I'm sticking with
it. I also have a son who is interested in food. Luckily, like me, he
likes food and cooking, rather than obsessing about it. He's 12 though,
so any tendency to get it wrong is mitigated by me pouring cold water on
daft ideas!

Yes, I do understand the need to protect, but you have now done your bit
and got him to adulthood. Though it can be hard to let go, especially
when one seems determined to harm himself, you must. Try talking to him
about his obsession with food, without either of you apportioning or
taking 'blame'. Try to see if he knows what kicked him off: it may have
very little to do with your dieting on and off through the years.

He says he know he is hurting us and himself and he does not like how he
looks either but his head keeps telling him to cut calories. I don't know,
I am just sick about it.

This seems to fit the little I know of anorexia. He needs to break the
cycle, but only he can do this. It's rather like being an alcoholic:
he'll get help when he's ready, and meantime all you can offer is
support and love.

And any time you need support, we are here.
--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

I am sorry this is painful for you and your family, as Kate said you can't
make him do anything, but you can get some help for yourself and that might
encourage him to seek help as well, Lee
Brown wrote in message
...
Thank you for your advice.

It is hard not to blame myself, I am over weight and have fed into his
food
obsession by being that way. It is so hard to not feel guilty, he is my
child and I am supposed to be able to protect him.

He says he know he is hurting us and himself and he does not like how he
looks either but his head keeps telling him to cut calories. I don't
know,
I am just sick about it.

Lorna
"Kate XXXXXX" wrote in message
...
Stormmee wrote:
you need to seek professional help, best of luck, Lee
Brown wrote in message
...
I have been off and on at this group over the past two years.

I have been over weight all my life, but I now fear that I have turned
my
problem over to my son.

He has been working out and dieting for around a year now. He
extremely
thin and does not seem to be able to see it. He is 21 years old 5
feet
8
inches and weights 136 pounds on a medium build.

I don't know how to help him, he logs everything that goes into his
mouth.
He will not eat spices because they have calories. He is totatlly
obsessed
about his food.

He only eats about 1800 calories a day and refuses to go higher. He
lies
about the fact that he is not eating enough and lies about his weight.

He exercises allot, runs about 40 miles a week and lifts weights 5
times
a
week.

Does anyone have any suggestions, for a desperate mother.

He's an adult now, and must make his own choices. But you can help him
to
see clearly by having all the information available for him if he's
willing to read it.

Yes, like all foods, spices do have calories: BUT you use so little of
them that the calorific value per serving of food is negligable. If you
put enough spice in something to make a difference to the calorific
value
of the dish, it would be inedible!

1800 calories per day is not enough to maintain the level of fitness he
seems to require of himself. You could point out that he faces heart,
liver, and skeletal damage by eating so little, as well as depriving his
brain of essential nutrients, thus spoiling his concentration and adding
to his mental and physical stress, but you cannot make him eat or make
him
alter his diet. You can only offer support for when he does. Try not
to
nag him: he'll only resent it. And don't feel guilty: we all have a
choice and we all make our own way in the world. You have not tied him
to
a treadmill and a set of weights and only fed him lean foods and not
enough of them. Try to emphasise that *being within the healthy weight
range for his height* is the true goal, not continuous unrealistic
weight
loss.
--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

Thank you guys, I really need your support right now and I am so thankful
you are here, you have no idea how much it means to me.

He ate more today and feels kind of sick from it, but he knows this
something he has to do. He is going to make an appointment to see a
dietician. He is afraid to gain weight and has no idea what he should be
eating. I think if a nutritionist tells him it may help. He realizes he
has an obsessive personality. I think we may be at a starting point and
just pray that it grows from here.

Lorna
"Stormmee" wrote in message
...
I am sorry this is painful for you and your family, as Kate said you can't
make him do anything, but you can get some help for yourself and that
might
encourage him to seek help as well, Lee
Brown wrote in message
...
Thank you for your advice.

It is hard not to blame myself, I am over weight and have fed into his
food
obsession by being that way. It is so hard to not feel guilty, he is my
child and I am supposed to be able to protect him.

He says he know he is hurting us and himself and he does not like how he
looks either but his head keeps telling him to cut calories. I don't
know,
I am just sick about it.

Lorna
"Kate XXXXXX" wrote in message
...
Stormmee wrote:
you need to seek professional help, best of luck, Lee
Brown wrote in message
...
I have been off and on at this group over the past two years.

I have been over weight all my life, but I now fear that I have
turned
my
problem over to my son.

He has been working out and dieting for around a year now. He
extremely
thin and does not seem to be able to see it. He is 21 years old 5
feet
8
inches and weights 136 pounds on a medium build.

I don't know how to help him, he logs everything that goes into his
mouth.
He will not eat spices because they have calories. He is totatlly
obsessed
about his food.

He only eats about 1800 calories a day and refuses to go higher. He
lies
about the fact that he is not eating enough and lies about his
weight.

He exercises allot, runs about 40 miles a week and lifts weights 5
times
a
week.

Does anyone have any suggestions, for a desperate mother.

He's an adult now, and must make his own choices. But you can help him
to
see clearly by having all the information available for him if he's
willing to read it.

Yes, like all foods, spices do have calories: BUT you use so little of
them that the calorific value per serving of food is negligable. If
you
put enough spice in something to make a difference to the calorific
value
of the dish, it would be inedible!

1800 calories per day is not enough to maintain the level of fitness he
seems to require of himself. You could point out that he faces heart,
liver, and skeletal damage by eating so little, as well as depriving
his
brain of essential nutrients, thus spoiling his concentration and
adding
to his mental and physical stress, but you cannot make him eat or make
him
alter his diet. You can only offer support for when he does. Try not
to
nag him: he'll only resent it. And don't feel guilty: we all have a
choice and we all make our own way in the world. You have not tied him
to
a treadmill and a set of weights and only fed him lean foods and not
enough of them. Try to emphasise that *being within the healthy weight
range for his height* is the true goal, not continuous unrealistic
weight
loss.
--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

Find a licensed dietitian or nutritionist, one you can trust who can
help you both. A person with good training will help him and he will be
less obsessive with help.

Audrey
"Brown" wrote in message
...
Thank you guys, I really need your support right now and I am so
thankful you are here, you have no idea how much it means to me.

He ate more today and feels kind of sick from it, but he knows this
something he has to do. He is going to make an appointment to see a
dietician. He is afraid to gain weight and has no idea what he should
be eating. I think if a nutritionist tells him it may help. He
realizes he has an obsessive personality. I think we may be at a
starting point and just pray that it grows from here.

Lorna
"Stormmee" wrote in message
...
I am sorry this is painful for you and your family, as Kate said you
can't
make him do anything, but you can get some help for yourself and that
might
encourage him to seek help as well, Lee
Brown wrote in message
...
Thank you for your advice.

It is hard not to blame myself, I am over weight and have fed into
his
food
obsession by being that way. It is so hard to not feel guilty, he
is my
child and I am supposed to be able to protect him.

He says he know he is hurting us and himself and he does not like
how he
looks either but his head keeps telling him to cut calories. I
don't
know,
I am just sick about it.

Lorna
"Kate XXXXXX" wrote in message
...
Stormmee wrote:
you need to seek professional help, best of luck, Lee
Brown wrote in message
...
I have been off and on at this group over the past two years.

I have been over weight all my life, but I now fear that I have
turned
my
problem over to my son.

He has been working out and dieting for around a year now. He
extremely
thin and does not seem to be able to see it. He is 21 years old
5
feet
8
inches and weights 136 pounds on a medium build.

I don't know how to help him, he logs everything that goes into
his
mouth.
He will not eat spices because they have calories. He is
totatlly
obsessed
about his food.

He only eats about 1800 calories a day and refuses to go higher.
He
lies
about the fact that he is not eating enough and lies about his
weight.

He exercises allot, runs about 40 miles a week and lifts weights
5
times
a
week.

Does anyone have any suggestions, for a desperate mother.

He's an adult now, and must make his own choices. But you can
help him
to
see clearly by having all the information available for him if
he's
willing to read it.

Yes, like all foods, spices do have calories: BUT you use so
little of
them that the calorific value per serving of food is negligable.
If you
put enough spice in something to make a difference to the
calorific
value
of the dish, it would be inedible!

1800 calories per day is not enough to maintain the level of
fitness he
seems to require of himself. You could point out that he faces
heart,
liver, and skeletal damage by eating so little, as well as
depriving his
brain of essential nutrients, thus spoiling his concentration and
adding
to his mental and physical stress, but you cannot make him eat or
make
him
alter his diet. You can only offer support for when he does. Try
not
to
nag him: he'll only resent it. And don't feel guilty: we all have
a
choice and we all make our own way in the world. You have not
tied him
to
a treadmill and a set of weights and only fed him lean foods and
not
enough of them. Try to emphasise that *being within the healthy
weight
range for his height* is the true goal, not continuous unrealistic
weight
loss.
--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

Brown wrote:
Thank you guys, I really need your support right now and I am so thankful
you are here, you have no idea how much it means to me.

He ate more today and feels kind of sick from it, but he knows this
something he has to do. He is going to make an appointment to see a
dietician. He is afraid to gain weight and has no idea what he should be
eating. I think if a nutritionist tells him it may help. He realizes he
has an obsessive personality. I think we may be at a starting point and
just pray that it grows from here.

While he may always be obsessive about his food in some way, with the
professional help of a dietician and your support, he can mitigate a lot
of the damage he might otherwise do. Some psychiatric help may also be
in order. That he recognises he has a problem is a HUGE step forward,
and from here it will be baby steps all the way, with a fair few
back-cats (just like proper weight loss for the over weight), so don't
be discouraged when this happens. Tomorrow is a new day, and every day
is a new start.

--
Kate XXXXXX R.C.T.Q Madame Chef des Trolls
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.katedicey.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!