"You must feel GREAT!"

On 1 Oct 2003 14:18:15 -0400, Wendy wrote:

I just ran into a friend at the gym and she exclaimed, "don't you just
feel great now that you've lost all this weight?"

other good stuff snipped

I get this sort of comment too -- almost every day. I tend to feel
self-conscious talking about my weight loss to people I barely know,
so I don't have much to say in response. And, like you, I didn't feel
bad when I was fat. But honestly, I do feel there are more positives
now than you seem to be feeling, at least today:

1. While it's true that a lot of my clothes don't fit at any one
time, I'm enjoying shopping for new ones. It really turns me on to go
into a store -- in the normal size section, pick up a bunch of things
to take into the fitting room, and have most of them fit and look
nice.

2. I also find exercise tiring, but I enjoy my friends at the gym.
And, partly because many of them are younger than I, I feel much
younger than I did 10 years ago.

3. I very much like the added speed and flexibility I've attained. I
feel able to do lots of things that were awkward for me before. And
my Olympic lifting is much helped by these things.

4. It really turns me on to think of myself as a runner :-).

5. I used to feel that the first impression anyone had of me was "fat
woman". Now I feel my looks are well within the normal range and so
I'll be judged on other criteria. I was never particularly
self-conscious about my weight, but I like the idea that people will
see other things about me more readily.

6. Perhaps as much as anything else, I like the feeling of being able
to succeed at this significant challenge. This feeling of success
enhances my self-esteem more than my changed appearance does.

So what should you say to friends and family? I don't have a good
answer. If people say to me, "You must feel great.", I just smile and
say "Yes.". I don't figure most of them really want a lecture on all
the pluses and minuses :-).

Chris
262/177/???

On Wed, 01 Oct 2003 17:35:20 -0300, Crafting Mom
wrote:

I feel good physically, I just think all the gushing is way overblown.
I've lost weight, and still, I am about 30ish pounds overweight. Are
people going to build freakin' statues in my honor when I reach
goal? LOL

Nope. What happens after a few years is that everyone forgets you were
ever fat and treats you like everyone else.

When I first lost weight there was this "door tender" at a local
restaurant that constantly told me how great I looked. Then after
around a year he kept warning me to "keep it off".

Now that it's been almost 6 years, no one remembers anymore. And
that's just fine with me.

Hell, if I haven't gained it back after the last two years, I'm never
going to. G


Barbara Hirsch, Publisher
OBESITY MEDS AND RESEARCH NEWS
The latest in obesity research and weight loss drug development
http://www.obesity-news.com/

On 1 Oct 2003 20:24:03 GMT, Ignoramus28710
wrote:

I meant wendy... but if men like to look at me, why can it be bad for
me even though I a proud, unbowed heterosexual?

Your bad. You forgot the first rule, never answer a "Mu" post. G
Yeah, the little creep creeps out the kill filter every week or so,
but he's easy to pop back in.

But we women promise to stop by your web site and "drool" over you
once in a while.


Barbara Hirsch, Publisher
OBESITY MEDS AND RESEARCH NEWS
The latest in obesity research and weight loss drug development
http://www.obesity-news.com/

Barbara Hirsch wrote:

On Wed, 01 Oct 2003 17:35:20 -0300, Crafting Mom
wrote:

I feel good physically, I just think all the gushing is way overblown.
I've lost weight, and still, I am about 30ish pounds overweight. Are
people going to build freakin' statues in my honor when I reach
goal? LOL

Nope. What happens after a few years is that everyone forgets you were
ever fat and treats you like everyone else.

In which case I will celebrate

Hell, if I haven't gained it back after the last two years, I'm never
going to. G

That's cool!

Crafting Mom
http://ca.photos.yahoo.com/craftingmom2001
Modified WOL since spring '02 || Weight at start: over 250 lb
Today's weight: 180.5 lb || Goal/Maintenance: 140 lb

In article , Ignoramus28710
wrote:

Oh, I see. Just a word of caution. If you have any kind of inlaw
problems of any serious degree, DO NOT GET MARRIED. They will become
much worse once you do get married. It is not so bad to be single
JayJay, especially if you are in IT and probably make a living wage.
I do not mean to butt in your life and please feel free to ignore my
post. I just feel that it is my duty to warn you.

I think Jay jay has the geographic advantage of only seeing her
prospective MIL one or two times a year.

In article , Barbara Hirsch
wrote:

On Wed, 01 Oct 2003 17:35:20 -0300, Crafting Mom
wrote:

I feel good physically, I just think all the gushing is way overblown.
I've lost weight, and still, I am about 30ish pounds overweight. Are
people going to build freakin' statues in my honor when I reach
goal? LOL

Nope. What happens after a few years is that everyone forgets you were
ever fat and treats you like everyone else.


Absolutely my experience too.

--
Diva
*************
The Best Man for the Job is a Woman

On 1 Oct 2003 14:18:15 -0400, Wendy wrote:

First of all, I didn't feel bad when I was fat. I was strong and active
and not suffering from any illnesses. Second of all, I still feel exactly
like me. I look better, but don't really care that much about my looks
(aside from my cuticles.) :-)

We're going to have to look into that cuticle thing. Some kind of a
fetish? G

From the list snipped below, it does sound like you felt bad when
you were fat, but it sounds like you're "romanticizing" it because
you're burned out from your diet and exercise routine.

Thirdly, I'm actually a bit tired from all this exercise and trying to
shoe-horn it into my life whether it fits or not (and even after a solid
year of it I sometimes just can't fit it in easily) and I'm also a bit
resentful of never being able to eat unrestrainedly for entertainment.

Maybe you need to try to find some alternatives. Since you're an
accountant, you'll have times of the year when it's going to be hard.
But if you invest in an elliptical cross trainer, or some other "at
home" type exercise equipment, it should be easier to fit it in. I was
going to say a very early morning walk, but then realized you probably
wouldn't do that in January in Mt. Holyoke.

Also if you don't suffer from "burn out" you'll be more motivated to
do the exercise. That's why I started skating, it's something that I
can always improve on and do better at. And it's a nice social thing
where I have friends I talk to. Even though we rarely meet outside the
rink, it's almost like having another family.

If you can find a sport you like, or a new activity, that may be the
thing to keep you motivated.

There are going to be some times that you just can't do it all. I
don't always do my entire exercise routine. Even Krista takes a break
from weight lifting some times. We all do it. When I take a break, or
slow down, usually my body will get me back to it after a few days
anyway, because I don't feel as good when I don't exercise

As far as the "eating unrestrainedly" goes, I'm not exactly sure what
you're talking about here. Do you mean not being able to sit in front
of the TV with a pint of Hagen Daaz and a bag of chips? Or not being
able to go to a nice restaurant, eat a steak (lobster, fish,
whatever), share a bottle of wine, and have dessert?

The former will probably have to be gone forever if you want keep the
weight off, but you can certainly do the restaurant thing. Just plan
it for once a month or so, and it shouldn't be a problem. Losing
weight means you can't do what you used to do, but you can do some
things some times. It's just getting back the whole idea about certain
foods being a "treat".

Wendy, it's a happy medium, not "all nor nothing".

I'm trying to figure out what losing all this weight has gotten
me. Because right now it's a pain in the ass: I have a vanishingly small
wardrobe of things that fit, for example, and my skin is literally striped
from the stretch marks compacting.

Well, that will give you an excuse to go shopping, or do what I do and
let your mouse go a clicking on the web. For the stretch marks, try a
lotion with vitamin E, or if you have bad ones, break E capsules and
apply directly. This is rather messy, but if you do it in the evening
before putting on sweats it shouldn't matter.

Or failing that, can you come up with the things for me to say when I see
my family this next week-end (I've lost 25 pounds since they last saw
me) and THEY exclaim how happy I must be?

Tell them your deliriously happy, and then change the subject to
something else.


Barbara Hirsch, Publisher
OBESITY MEDS AND RESEARCH NEWS
The latest in obesity research and weight loss drug development
http://www.obesity-news.com/

Barbara Hirsch wrote:
On 1 Oct 2003 20:24:03 GMT, Ignoramus28710
wrote:

I meant wendy... but if men like to look at me, why can it be bad for
me even though I a proud, unbowed heterosexual?

Igor, I always counted getting to skip being the object of lust one of the
BENEFITS of being fat. I've never been attracted to people who will only
talk to me if I'm cute, and I don't enjoy having to interact with them NOW
any more than I would have when they were being scornful of me for being
fat.

But we women promise to stop by your web site and "drool" over you
once in a while.

I did pop over. Very nice. I think you did a nice job. But how would
you feel if people started being nice to you because you're slim that used
to be mean to you when you were fat? Would you be pleased that you
finally belong, or would you recognize them for the shallow creeps that
they are?

Wendy

Barbara Hirsch wrote:
We're going to have to look into that cuticle thing. Some kind of a
fetish? G

Yup. I was just thinking they were looking a bit thick. :-)

From the list snipped below, it does sound like you felt bad when
you were fat, but it sounds like you're "romanticizing" it because
you're burned out from your diet and exercise routine.

Maybe. I was eating my 10000th salad and chicken as I wrote it and trying
to decide whether to do work for a client or get to the gym. I blew off
work AGAIN and went to the gym. This is turning out to be a bad move for
my career.

Maybe you need to try to find some alternatives. Since you're an
accountant, you'll have times of the year when it's going to be hard.
But if you invest in an elliptical cross trainer, or some other "at
home" type exercise equipment, it should be easier to fit it in. I was
going to say a very early morning walk, but then realized you probably
wouldn't do that in January in Mt. Holyoke.

No, but I have cross-country skis and live next to some groomed trails. I
also go running with my dog (now that her joints are better) and I have a
NordicTrack indoor skier. I also like going to the gym. I don't mind the
exercise, I just mind the time it takes.

As far as the "eating unrestrainedly" goes, I'm not exactly sure what
you're talking about here. Do you mean not being able to sit in front
of the TV with a pint of Hagen Daaz and a bag of chips?

Yes, THAT! We were watching a movie this week-end and the kids all had
heaping hot fudge sundaes from Friendly's. I had a glass of water. Damn
it, I wanted 2000 calories of saturated fat and I wanted it NOW!

Or not being
able to go to a nice restaurant, eat a steak (lobster, fish,
whatever), share a bottle of wine, and have dessert?

No, that part is fine. I have "refeed days" where I just eat whatever I
want... but a hot fudge sundae is just over the top. I can't even look at
one now without thinking of how unwise a choice it is.

Tell them your deliriously happy, and then change the subject to
something else.

Yeah, Jay Jay's point about it really being about her MIL makes me think
that a good answer might be, "Yes, it's fun, but what's new with you?"

Wendy

"Jayjay" wrote in message
...
On 1 Oct 2003 19:36:23 GMT, Ignoramus28710
wrote:

Oh, I see. Just a word of caution. If you have any kind of inlaw
problems of any serious degree, DO NOT GET MARRIED. They will become
much worse once you do get married. It is not so bad to be single
JayJay, especially if you are in IT and probably make a living wage.
I do not mean to butt in your life and please feel free to ignore my
post. I just feel that it is my duty to warn you.


My problems with the inlaws are not w/ my BF and would not affect my
marriage. Matter of fact - BF has alot of the same issues, but has
this inate ability to tuneout and ignore his mom when she gets her
way. Actually - its the adjustment to their family life vs. what I'm
used to. I definately come from a family w/ little communication.
No news is good news is the belief. We call if something is wrong,
someone needs something (usually money) and the occasional
birthday/holiday call (if remembered).

The inlaws are close nit, speak to each other at least once a month or
more. and calls and cards for every celebration. They do the large
family get togethers, and it most certainly is food centered. For
me, it all becomes overwhelming. Especially when visiting them for
things, since there is also a slight language barrier to deal with
too.

Its a different lifestyle. ANd one thing I've found with my MIL is
that she is food and weight obsessed and she also has extremely low
self esteem and is constantly fishing for compliments and looking to
be the center of attention and going for the "one up-manship" thing.
(I don't understand why, she's never been overweight and she doesn't
have a problem in the looks department)

(for instance - we flew up on Sat, which meant waking at 3:30am to
catch the plane. We arrived at SIL's house in the morning, and early
afternoon the parents arrived after a 3hr drive down from their home.
SIL mentions to MIL that we'd gotten up at 3:30am to catch the plane
so we were probably exhausted. MIL's immediate response was that she
got up at 3:00am to get ready. (had to pack and get coolers ready)
yet they left the house at 9am to hit the bank before the drive down.
One up.

On the other hand - on my last birthday - who was the only one to send
me a card - my MIL. (my mom sends e-cards). She certainly has her
positive sides. The fact that they've accepted me and my son, into
their family already and treat me very well is something that is
really nice.

But being around someone who has such poor self esteem issues and is
so attention needy is hard. I know I can handle a little bit of it -
but when they come to visit and stay for a while, the intrusion into
my very independant lifestyle gets very trying.

As for the career - I do better than "just making a living" thank you
very much. Not overly compensated to the point of having money
coming out my ears, but I'm not complaining.

So, frankly - there is my response to me basically ignoring your post.
:-)

You did much better than I would have. I would have told him to butt the
**** out of my life. I found ignoramus' post rude in the extreme. Thank god
not many follow his advice.

Martha