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Bad night
Hi guys.
This is the worst night ever. I suppose it all started yesterday when my daughter, otherwise always so charming, kept throwing tantrums at me (she's really getting into the Terrible Two's... with a vengance). I have a babysitter at home (I work at home) every weekday but Thursdays, where I am alone with my two kids. And it seems that no matter what I do, Mlle C (my daughter) has it in her head that it's more fun to scream and cry when alone with mommy than with the babysitter - who doesn't take that kind of s*. Anyway, I felt really low last night, but I kept on the plan. Today was different. I spent the day replying to stupid emails, and then went shopping. Didn't find anything - or, I must admit, didn't want to find anything; I seem to have a blocage from buying things for myself before I get to goal, but this doesn't make sense: I must find new clothes, maternity clothes just look bad on me now! Anyway, I just ordered the ribs and chicken filet from the rotisserie, with fries, and gobbled it all down. With two beers. Great. Over 40 points in one meal. And I have a dinner at the restaurant planned for tomorrow, for which I had saved my weekly bonus allowance. I am thinking I can still make it OK at the restaurant, but I feel really stupid for having indulged in a crappy meal. What's wrong with me? I was doing sooo well. Well, I know what's wrong with me. It's me eating my guilt over not being able to have a nice day with my daughter, for not being "as good" as the babysitter. Deep down inside I do know that her actions are normal, she's testing her grounds, but on the other hand I find reason and emotions to be sometimes so wide apart. Mmm.. Well, that's better. Only writing helps realizing that first, I shouldn't feel guilty over what happened yesterday, and second, knowing that, I shouldn't feel guilty about my binge tonight - I can get right back on track, I've been so good, I can be good again. -- Isabelle 154.8/142/130 |
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