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hi,guess check out ,JOKE OF THE DAY.



 
 
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  #1  
Old May 19th, 2009, 11:05 PM posted to alt.support.diet
rafi1
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Posts: 2
Default hi,guess check out ,JOKE OF THE DAY.

Joke of the Day
Updated Tuesday, May 19, 2009


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Q. What is the definition of a perfect lover?
A. A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.


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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother
and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to
another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with
profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why
did you have to die?” The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I
don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do
you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?” The mourner took a moment to
collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”


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A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf
course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light
on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer
magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to
investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The
young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes Officer?"

"What are you doing?" the policeman asked. "What does it look like?"
answered the young man. "I'm reading this magazine." Pointing towards
the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is
she doing?" The young man looked over his shoulder and replied, "What
does it look like? She's knitting."

"And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man. "I'm
nineteen," he replied. "And how old is she?" asked the officer. The
young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes
she'll be sixteen."


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10 Office Rules:

10. Never walk without a document -- People with documents look like
hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with
nothing in their hands look like they're headed for the cafeteria.
People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're headed for the
toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at
night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours
than you really do.

9. Use computers to look busy -- Any time you use a computer, it looks
like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal
e-mail, chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related
to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the
proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about, but
they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you
will get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching
yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

8. Messy desk -- only top management can get away with a clean desk.
For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build
huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last
year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts.
Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your
cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing
stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

7. Voice mail -- Never answer your phone if you have voice mail.
People don't call you just because they want to give you something for
nothing -- they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's
no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody
leaves a message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond
during lunch hour when you know they're not there -- it looks like
you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a
devious weasel.

6. Look impatient and annoyed -- According to George Costanza, one
should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give off the
impression that you're always busy.

5. Leave the office late -- Always leave the office late, especially
when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks
that you always wanted to read. Make sure you walk past the boss' room
on your way out. Send important e-mails at unearthly hours (i.e.
9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.

4. Creative sighing for effect -- Sigh loudly when there are many
people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme
pressure.

3. Stacking strategy -- It is not enough to pile lots of documents on
the table. Put lots of books on the floor, etc. (thick computer
manuals are the best).

2. Build vocabulary -- Read up on some computer magazines and pick out
all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in
conversation with bosses. Remember, they don't have to understand what
you say, but you sure sound impressive.

1. MOST IMPORTANT -- DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!

  #2  
Old May 26th, 2009, 10:56 PM posted to alt.support.diet
Kaz Kylheku
external usenet poster
 
Posts: 347
Default hi,guess check out ,JOKE OF THE DAY.

On 2009-05-26, 212 Articles wrote:

Q. What do you call two fat men having a chat?
A. A heavy discussion.


Lame punchline. Go back to troll school.

How about:

A. Miserable. Each can pause for a bite only when the other is speaking.

A. Improbable. Such two have to be at the same place, at the same time, and
both not have their mouth full of something.

A. An exercise in ``one chubmanship''.

A. An earful of ``wide'' tales.

A. A long-distance call.

A. A fat loss techniques seminar.

A. A stark warning to ``le chien'' to make himself scarce.

Have we bled this dry? Anyone?
 




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