Should I invite an obese friend here?

byakee wrote:

One dark day on Usenet, owza (Jarkat2002) said:


A friend is morbidly obese. Super obese. 500 pound range is my guess.

IMO she needs psychological help, not a usenet NG. People don't get to be 500
pounds without serious psychological problems. She doesn't need 'support' she
needs professional help.


Hmm, that's a good point. My answer to Dally reflected my dealings
with my own situation, but there's a big difference between 275 and
500, beyond actual numbers.

When I guessed 500 I was reflecting that she was in the area involving
disability from the obesity. I really have no idea what the actual
number is. I honestly don't care, either, but I'm cringing with horror
that she's likely to see this and be upset if she only weighs 350 or
something.

Sending her here may very well send her over the edge
w/ the way that some ppl choose to be abusive. And picking on a fat chick
considering (or who has considered) weight loss surgery would just make their
day.

My guess is that she's been picked on for being fat before. It's not
like she hasn't noticed and she's thick-skinned enough to deal with it.

I'm not sure I agree with this -- maybe I'm just missing something,
but I've found just about everyone to be supportive, once one accepts
that they have a weight issue and need to do something about it...

I called her tonight and gave a thumbnail description of usenet -
needing flame-retardent underwear, newbie mistakes, spam and trolls...
she had a positive experience with another group once (sounded like a
yahoo group) and that should serve as an introduction in any case.

Dally

Amy wrote:



I'm in the process of updating my web site--hadn't
touched it in four years!
http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/ar18/Amy_Ross.html


Great pic of your dad, Amy. And Meg looks just like you!



--
Walking on . . .
Laurie in Maine
207/110 60 inches of attitude!
Start: 2/02 Maintained since 2/03

Amy wrote:



I'm in the process of updating my web site--hadn't
touched it in four years!
http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/ar18/Amy_Ross.html


Great pic of your dad, Amy. And Meg looks just like you!



--
Walking on . . .
Laurie in Maine
207/110 60 inches of attitude!
Start: 2/02 Maintained since 2/03

Ignoramus wrote:

tell her to lurk for one month...

I agree with Igor. If she's still interested after that long, it'll
probably be ok. Otherwise she can just slink off and nobody will know.

I think I lurked for at least 2 or 3 months - and I was already on
maintenance!

--
Walking on . . .
Laurie in Maine
207/110 60 inches of attitude!
Start: 2/02 Maintained since 2/03

Ignoramus wrote:

tell her to lurk for one month...

I agree with Igor. If she's still interested after that long, it'll
probably be ok. Otherwise she can just slink off and nobody will know.

I think I lurked for at least 2 or 3 months - and I was already on
maintenance!

--
Walking on . . .
Laurie in Maine
207/110 60 inches of attitude!
Start: 2/02 Maintained since 2/03

What I want to know, and the reason I'm posting this here is, do you
think I should approach her with advice?

Absolutely not.

This woman knows how much she weighs, she knows the health issues, she
knows the difficulty of life as a supermorbidly obese person.

When she is ready to try something other than surgery, she will.
Nothing you do or say will get her to that place any sooner.

If (and this is a big IF) this woman asks you how you lost weight, by
all means tell her what you found helpful, including this newsgroup.

But unless she asks you directly, MYOB.

As always, YMMV.

Kasey
365/257/???

What I want to know, and the reason I'm posting this here is, do you
think I should approach her with advice?

Absolutely not.

This woman knows how much she weighs, she knows the health issues, she
knows the difficulty of life as a supermorbidly obese person.

When she is ready to try something other than surgery, she will.
Nothing you do or say will get her to that place any sooner.

If (and this is a big IF) this woman asks you how you lost weight, by
all means tell her what you found helpful, including this newsgroup.

But unless she asks you directly, MYOB.

As always, YMMV.

Kasey
365/257/???

On Wed, 07 Jul 2004 15:07:58 -0400, Dally wrote:

A friend is morbidly obese. Super obese. 500 pound range is my guess.
She had been planning on having bariatric surgery last month but was
kicked out of the pre-op room for having absurdly high blood pressure.
She has since decided to abandon the surgery idea.

She's not a close friend, but someone in my small church community, our
husbands are pretty good friends, I hang out with her at church events,
invite them to parties at our house (and they come), and send christmas
cards to them; that sort of friend.

I knew about the pre-op problem, but her Mom (a client of mine) just
told me she has joined weight watchers and is giving up on the idea of
surgery.

What I want to know, and the reason I'm posting this here is, do you
think I should approach her with advice? This group is so strong, so
powerful, so knowledgeable, so supportive... should I get her in here?
I'm not one to proselytize. When she said she was having surgery I just
said "good luck" rather than tried to talk her out of it (and I've tried
hard to talk people out of it online before.)

She knows I've lost 65 pounds over the past two years, but a.) 65 pounds
in two years seems so slow it's not worth doing from her perspective and
b.) I was never morbidly obese so what would I know? She's never asked
me how I did it. I saw her eating cookies right before the surgery and
she laughed abashedly and said she had to get them while she could. (I
neither commented nor judged, except to think that she wasn't quite
ready to do this yet.)

Dally

I would recommend anyone to come here. Even if they don't seem to be
receptive to changing their ways now, they are more than likely to
learn quite a lot - I know I certainly have.

Personally, I wouldn't tell anyone I know IRL about asd as I want to
preserve my anonymity. Things I post here are not things I talk about
to anyone outside,, even (or perhaps especially) those close to me and
I would feel inhibited by having someone here who knew me.

janice

On Wed, 07 Jul 2004 15:07:58 -0400, Dally wrote:

A friend is morbidly obese. Super obese. 500 pound range is my guess.
She had been planning on having bariatric surgery last month but was
kicked out of the pre-op room for having absurdly high blood pressure.
She has since decided to abandon the surgery idea.

She's not a close friend, but someone in my small church community, our
husbands are pretty good friends, I hang out with her at church events,
invite them to parties at our house (and they come), and send christmas
cards to them; that sort of friend.

I knew about the pre-op problem, but her Mom (a client of mine) just
told me she has joined weight watchers and is giving up on the idea of
surgery.

What I want to know, and the reason I'm posting this here is, do you
think I should approach her with advice? This group is so strong, so
powerful, so knowledgeable, so supportive... should I get her in here?
I'm not one to proselytize. When she said she was having surgery I just
said "good luck" rather than tried to talk her out of it (and I've tried
hard to talk people out of it online before.)

She knows I've lost 65 pounds over the past two years, but a.) 65 pounds
in two years seems so slow it's not worth doing from her perspective and
b.) I was never morbidly obese so what would I know? She's never asked
me how I did it. I saw her eating cookies right before the surgery and
she laughed abashedly and said she had to get them while she could. (I
neither commented nor judged, except to think that she wasn't quite
ready to do this yet.)

Dally

I would recommend anyone to come here. Even if they don't seem to be
receptive to changing their ways now, they are more than likely to
learn quite a lot - I know I certainly have.

Personally, I wouldn't tell anyone I know IRL about asd as I want to
preserve my anonymity. Things I post here are not things I talk about
to anyone outside,, even (or perhaps especially) those close to me and
I would feel inhibited by having someone here who knew me.

janice

On Wed, 07 Jul 2004 16:12:23 -0400, A Ross
wrote:


I know I lurked for a good long time before I ever made
my first post here, so I was pretty familiar with
personalities and WOEs. I would suggest she do
something similar--if only to avoid the trolls and
know-it-alls.

Amy

That's a good point Amy - to lurk first. And I think if Dally does
tell her friend about the group it's reasonable to expect that she'll
have a read even if she doesn't contribute. If so that's fine, she
can still learn something.

I remember when I first came here, several years ago, I lurked for
several months and by the time I joined in already felt I "knew" the
regulars. I found I was expecting them to greet me as if I was an old
friend. I had to remind myself that no one here knew who I was and it
was a weird feeling.

janice