My family is making this hard

"diva ex machina" wrote in
:

"Cox SMTP east" :

snip

The middle child, who could stand to lose about 15-20 lbs is adamant
that she is fine (she is at that touchy 14 year old stage where
really, no
matter
what I say it is taken the wrong way), the 18 year old is really very
heavy.
He works with a trainer 2 days per week but sabotages his progress
with
his
eating habits and his refusal to do any cardio on his own.
ARRRGH...I
have
enough trouble with this on my own without constantly battling these
two kids on this issue.

I took the advice offered last week on how to deal with the
temptation issues and acted on Chris's comment about why do I have
food in my house I shouldn't be eating (not any more!). But, I know
I am going to be
screaming
and banging my head on a wall by the end of the week over this change
in what I am stocking in the pantry issue. Any suggestions on
dealing with recalcitrant kids would be taken gratefully - I will not
cook two
different
ways so that is not the issue. Good Grief, they are lucky I cook one
way
I
dislike it so much! Oh, by the way...Stuart is going along with this
quite willingly since he loves the idea of getting faster and
stronger..in both sports! Elise.

I want to say something from the perspective of having been a slightly
chubby teenage girl with parents who used to nag me about my weight,
and who ended up being 125kg.

My parents used to give me a lot of hassle about being overweight when
I was a teen. They made me so self concious about my weight, unhappy
and filled with self-loathing, that I developed a thoroughly perverse
relationship with food. Basically, my self esteem took a nose dive
due to being the 'fat one in the family' and I ate to make myself feel
better. As soon as I left home and no longer had their watchful eye
trained on me all day I'd stuff myself with junk, eventually
ballooning to what I was a few months ago. I'm now 109kg and
struggling.

The irony is, I look at photographs of myself in my early teens and
realise that I WASN'T that fat! I wasn't skinny, but I really wasn't
fat. Just fat in comparison to two very athletic brothers. I can't
help feeling that if my folks hadn't constantly shamed me about my
body and my eating habits I would never have developed an eating
disorder in the first place (I know they thought they were acting in
my best interests, but "shaming" was how it felt from my perspective).
Well, it's entirely theoretical now and of course I can't blame them
for my continuing to be fat. It's entirely under my control now.

LOL

Sounds like you were reading my autobiography.

Just wanted you to know that someone else went through the exact same
thing. Except that I wasn't even overweight in comparison to my two
brothers; I had just entered puberty and I was eating to bulk up. Had I
not had their "help" with being "fat" I probably would've been a quite
svelte individual rather than the corpulent mess I find myself to be.

Oh, and I still do blame them. See, it gives me a reason to not be
serious. "My parents did this to me, waah waah waaah." How nice and
convenient, eh? LOL

Your kids undoubtedly KNOW they are overweight.

Unless they're not.

If they want to lose
weight they will. Stock the kinds of food you think they should eat
and if they don't like it make them buy and cook their own. Be firm
about that.

Just serve what you normally do. Don't make an issue out of the food
you're preparing.

But please don't make an issue out of their weight.

OR their weight either.

"Cox SMTP east" :
I am totally with you on this one...I don't nag about the weight( OK...the
older one I do when he rips through an entire bag of chips as a snack)
because I know from experience they won't lose until they "own" the
problem.
Plus, with my daughter, I don't want her to feel forced into an eating
disorder! Maybe I didn't make it clear....all I really did was announce
that they were going to eat parallel ( not sure if that is the right word)
to the guidlines set up for Stuart...I really doubt that the nutritionist
is
going to put an 11 year old who is about to grow up (literally) on a real
low calorie diet, plus when the two older ones are at school they really
can
buy anything they want for lunch. I am just frustrated that they are
fighting me on this before they even are presented with it. They need
healthier eating habits and need to start making healthier choices. At
least by what I buy, I can ensure they won't eat the junk at home.Elise

Sorry, I didn't mean to make out that you are a villain. It's good that
you're conscious of healthy foods and I'm glad you're aware of your kids
feelings. Keep up the good work!

Rowena.
273 / 236 / 150 (I think I got the conversion from kg to pounds right: 123 /
106 / 67.5)

"diva ex machina" wrote in message
...
"Cox SMTP east" :

snip

The middle child, who could stand to lose about 15-20 lbs is adamant
that
she is fine (she is at that touchy 14 year old stage where really, no
matter
what I say it is taken the wrong way), the 18 year old is really very
heavy.
He works with a trainer 2 days per week but sabotages his progress
with
his
eating habits and his refusal to do any cardio on his own. ARRRGH...I
have
enough trouble with this on my own without constantly battling these
two
kids on this issue.

I took the advice offered last week on how to deal with the temptation
issues and acted on Chris's comment about why do I have food in my
house
I
shouldn't be eating (not any more!). But, I know I am going to be
screaming
and banging my head on a wall by the end of the week over this change
in
what I am stocking in the pantry issue. Any suggestions on dealing
with
recalcitrant kids would be taken gratefully - I will not cook two
different
ways so that is not the issue. Good Grief, they are lucky I cook one
way
I
dislike it so much! Oh, by the way...Stuart is going along with this
quite
willingly since he loves the idea of getting faster and stronger..in
both
sports! Elise.

I want to say something from the perspective of having been a slightly
chubby teenage girl with parents who used to nag me about my weight, and
who
ended up being 125kg.

My parents used to give me a lot of hassle about being overweight when I
was
a teen. They made me so self concious about my weight, unhappy and
filled
with self-loathing, that I developed a thoroughly perverse relationship
with
food. Basically, my self esteem took a nose dive due to being the 'fat
one
in the family' and I ate to make myself feel better. As soon as I left
home
and no longer had their watchful eye trained on me all day I'd stuff
myself
with junk, eventually ballooning to what I was a few months ago. I'm
now
109kg and struggling.

The irony is, I look at photographs of myself in my early teens and
realise
that I WASN'T that fat! I wasn't skinny, but I really wasn't fat. Just
fat
in comparison to two very athletic brothers. I can't help feeling that
if
my folks hadn't constantly shamed me about my body and my eating habits
I
would never have developed an eating disorder in the first place (I know
they thought they were acting in my best interests, but "shaming" was
how
it
felt from my perspective). Well, it's entirely theoretical now and of
course I can't blame them for my continuing to be fat. It's entirely
under
my control now.

Your kids undoubtedly KNOW they are overweight. If they want to lose
weight
they will. Stock the kinds of food you think they should eat and if
they
don't like it make them buy and cook their own. Be firm about that.
But
please don't make an issue out of their weight.

Rowena.