Attention from weightloss

How does one deal with the attention from weightloss? I think I'm getting
in my way by thinking that I'll get lots of attention "being thin".

Julie

"skiur" wrote in
:

How does one deal with the attention from weightloss? I think I'm
getting in my way by thinking that I'll get lots of attention "being
thin".

I'm not sure what you mean. Are you worried about too much attention? I've
gone from 245 to 163. My co-workers have been saying things like "you're
starting to look gaunt," or the best one yet, "You look like a walking
corpse." They're used to seeing me as overweight. So I think they just need
to get used to the new me.

Phil M.

--
"I gotta go. You're killin' me."

If I'm understanding your question correctly, you're worried about
receiving unwanted attention from men. Women, I think, are
particularly susceptible to this one. I've experience this fear
myself. And it's sabotaged more than one of my previous weight loss
attempts. Others have posted about this before too. For me, the
breakthrough happened when I realized that it's a lot more complicated
than that. Not only have I feared getting unwanted attention from men,
I also have feared I WON'T get unwanted attention from men.

As women we absorb a lot of mixed messages about our sexuality. I
don't have any advice or suggestions for you on how to deal with this.
For me, psychotherapy helped (there were some childhood traumas that
needed to be put to rest). So has time.

Just know you aren't alone on this one. If it isn't so big that
counseling is in order, exploring the issue in a personal journal
might help. Saying more here might help. Or you might consider
corresponding with someone via e-mail about your particular concerns.

Peace.
--
Linda P


On Sat, 22 May 2004 09:47:37 -0500, "skiur"
wrote:

How does one deal with the attention from weightloss? I think I'm getting
in my way by thinking that I'll get lots of attention "being thin".

Julie

You know it kind of bothered me to get all that attention, but I can tell
you, NOBODY mentions it any more.

"skiur" wrote in message
...
How does one deal with the attention from weightloss? I think I'm getting
in my way by thinking that I'll get lots of attention "being thin".

Julie

This is why it's good to hear from others. I jumped to one conclusion.
You brought the conversation back to reality. My answer probably
missed the boat by a mile.

On Sat, 22 May 2004 18:08:56 GMT, "Lesanne"
wrote:

You know it kind of bothered me to get all that attention, but I can tell
you, NOBODY mentions it any more.

"skiur" wrote in message
...
How does one deal with the attention from weightloss? I think I'm getting
in my way by thinking that I'll get lots of attention "being thin".

Julie

skiur wrote:

How does one deal with the attention from weightloss? I think I'm getting
in my way by thinking that I'll get lots of attention "being thin".

Julie



The people who have commented have (so far, in my case) been very
complementary, which is great! A lot of them are old friends who knew
me in the 20" waist days (now, I KNOW I'm no longer in my teens and
early twenties and THAT will never happen again!), and they see me as
re-emerging from a cocoon... I feel better, look better, my family and
friends all like it and say so, and I try to encourage those who would
like to do so too in the gentlest and kindest way I can.

If you have always been over weight, and never had the complements in
the dim and distant past, the attention is an entirely new experience.
This makes it harder to get used to, I think. Accept complements and
congratulations gracefully, and freeze out the rude folk with a icy
glare! Or my best trick is to LOOK at them over the top of my specs and
fry them with my Basilisk glare! ;P

You must do this for yourself (whether the motivation is health or
merely looks), and in such circumstances, the outside world matters less
than the inner you. The new body image can take a LOOOOOONG time to get
used to! There's a lady at my WW meeting who lost over 70 lbs, and has
kept it off for 5 years. She's a small framed lady, and fits neatly
into a UK size 10; she STILL gets a surprise when she catches sight of
herself in a shop window or a mirror and realizes that the slender,
smart lady with the sharp haircut is really her!

Maybe you will get more attention when you are thinner than you did when
you were larger. Maybe you won't. Maybe it will just be different, or
focused on a different thing. Remember that being thinner won't make
you a different person, and won't, of itself, make you happier. BUT: if
you are slimmer, you will probably be healthier, and have more physical
and mental energy; you may find that as less of your attention is
focused on your body, you allow other aspects of your personality to
blossom, and discover hidden talents; you may feel more confident as you
realize that people are thinking of you as 'Julie who does
such-and-such' (or 'Kate who sews') rather than 'fat Julie' (or 'fat
Kate'). These things may make you a more relaxed and happier person,
and more fun to be with than Julie who was depressed by her weight, so
you may find your circle of friends blossoms and expands. It may be
that family and friends you already have will be happier around you
rather than depressed about your health and weight.

'Attention' can come in many forms. Learning to recognise and accept
with grace the 'good' attention (an admiring glance, a complement from a
friend, the congratulations of those you love) can be quite hard. So
can dealing briskly with the over familiar 'complement' from a less
desirable source! It takes time to get used to the different look, for
both you AND those around you.

--
Kate XXXXXX
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.diceyhome.free-online.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!

I appologize in advance for the ramble...I know I'll be going on one in a
sec.

I think for me it's more of one of the many voices saying that only people
who aren't shallow will want to get to know me and will like me regardless
of my size. I don't want to hear my grandmother telling me what I should
and shouldn't be eating-she's done that from day one, but if I start making
noticeable progress I don't know what she'll be doing. I've got this
bizarre unexplainable scenario in my head that for whatever reasons has me
afraid of finding out what it's like to be thin.

I'm not sure about unwanted attention from men...Most guys would talk to my
chest in my lighter days and disregard that I have a brain and am a good
person. hmmm, I'll have to explore that one at a later time.

"Prairie Roots" wrote in message
...
If I'm understanding your question correctly, you're worried about
receiving unwanted attention from men. Women, I think, are
particularly susceptible to this one. I've experience this fear
myself. And it's sabotaged more than one of my previous weight loss
attempts. Others have posted about this before too. For me, the
breakthrough happened when I realized that it's a lot more complicated
than that. Not only have I feared getting unwanted attention from men,
I also have feared I WON'T get unwanted attention from men.

As women we absorb a lot of mixed messages about our sexuality. I
don't have any advice or suggestions for you on how to deal with this.
For me, psychotherapy helped (there were some childhood traumas that
needed to be put to rest). So has time.

Just know you aren't alone on this one. If it isn't so big that
counseling is in order, exploring the issue in a personal journal
might help. Saying more here might help. Or you might consider
corresponding with someone via e-mail about your particular concerns.

Peace.
--
Linda P


On Sat, 22 May 2004 09:47:37 -0500, "skiur"
wrote:

How does one deal with the attention from weightloss? I think I'm
getting
in my way by thinking that I'll get lots of attention "being thin".

Julie

"skiur" wrote in message
...
I appologize in advance for the ramble...I know I'll be going on one in a
sec.

I think for me it's more of one of the many voices saying that only people
who aren't shallow will want to get to know me and will like me regardless
of my size. I don't want to hear my grandmother telling me what I should
and shouldn't be eating-she's done that from day one, but if I start
making
noticeable progress I don't know what she'll be doing. I've got this
bizarre unexplainable scenario in my head that for whatever reasons has me
afraid of finding out what it's like to be thin.

Trust me, the water's fine down here!! It sounds like you need to do some
more self-analysis to figure out what's really keeping you back. Don't
forget you're doing this for *you*, not for anyone else.

I'm not sure about unwanted attention from men...Most guys would talk to
my
chest in my lighter days and disregard that I have a brain and am a good
person. hmmm, I'll have to explore that one at a later time.

I have long, straight blonde hair and D-cup boobs, even at goal. Trust me,
I know about attention! Fortunately I, and the people closest to me, know
that I have a brain in my head. It's surprisingly easy to ignore those who
speak to the chest. I do admit though to using it to my advantage. I'm
currently running a series of workshops, and have been known to say when
someone says something I don't understand "can you explain that one more
time to the blonde up the front". It's guaranteed to get a laugh. Don't
take it seriously, and people will look at the person on the inside. Those
who don't are not worth your irritation.

--
Julie.
93.5/72.3/74 (WW)/72 (Personal) kg
205.7/159.0/162.8 (WW)/158 (Personal) lb

Here's our FAQ: http://www.didian.com/asdww/ and welcome notice:
http://www.geocities.com/welcomenotice/index.html

Fred wrote in
:

Phil pointed out one aspect. The negative or concerned attention
about your health. There is also the attention just created by
looking so different. And then there is the attention mentioned by
Prairie and Lesanne - don't worry about it. Get ready for some
positive and negative feedback.

Since I work in a hospital, the people that are giving me negative
feedback are nurses that are genuinely concerned about my health. They
see someone that has lost a lot of weight in a short time and that can
only mean something is wrong. Also, since I don't see everyone on a daily
basis, my change in appearance can be shocking to them. For the most
part, the comments are positive. It's hard to get the negative feeback
out of my head.

But most of all, you should focus on
doing this for you (and that may mean you want some attention but
don't be befuddled if you don't get that either).

You are 100% correct. Now, my best friend is my mirror. ;-)

Phil M.

--
"I gotta go. You're killin' me."

"Basilisk glare", how cute :-). I'm re-reading Harry Potter and the Chamber
of Secrets and looking forward to the third movie opening June 4.

I've always been heavy, but something happened in my early twenties and I
gained close to 80 pounds and have been near that weight for the last 10
years.

In my head, I'm not as big as the mirror image and it is a bit of a shock
when I see myself.

Julie


"Kate Dicey" wrote in message
...
skiur wrote:

How does one deal with the attention from weightloss? I think I'm
getting
in my way by thinking that I'll get lots of attention "being thin".

Julie



The people who have commented have (so far, in my case) been very
complementary, which is great! A lot of them are old friends who knew
me in the 20" waist days (now, I KNOW I'm no longer in my teens and
early twenties and THAT will never happen again!), and they see me as
re-emerging from a cocoon... I feel better, look better, my family and
friends all like it and say so, and I try to encourage those who would
like to do so too in the gentlest and kindest way I can.

If you have always been over weight, and never had the complements in
the dim and distant past, the attention is an entirely new experience.
This makes it harder to get used to, I think. Accept complements and
congratulations gracefully, and freeze out the rude folk with a icy
glare! Or my best trick is to LOOK at them over the top of my specs and
fry them with my Basilisk glare! ;P

You must do this for yourself (whether the motivation is health or
merely looks), and in such circumstances, the outside world matters less
than the inner you. The new body image can take a LOOOOOONG time to get
used to! There's a lady at my WW meeting who lost over 70 lbs, and has
kept it off for 5 years. She's a small framed lady, and fits neatly
into a UK size 10; she STILL gets a surprise when she catches sight of
herself in a shop window or a mirror and realizes that the slender,
smart lady with the sharp haircut is really her!

Maybe you will get more attention when you are thinner than you did when
you were larger. Maybe you won't. Maybe it will just be different, or
focused on a different thing. Remember that being thinner won't make
you a different person, and won't, of itself, make you happier. BUT: if
you are slimmer, you will probably be healthier, and have more physical
and mental energy; you may find that as less of your attention is
focused on your body, you allow other aspects of your personality to
blossom, and discover hidden talents; you may feel more confident as you
realize that people are thinking of you as 'Julie who does
such-and-such' (or 'Kate who sews') rather than 'fat Julie' (or 'fat
Kate'). These things may make you a more relaxed and happier person,
and more fun to be with than Julie who was depressed by her weight, so
you may find your circle of friends blossoms and expands. It may be
that family and friends you already have will be happier around you
rather than depressed about your health and weight.

'Attention' can come in many forms. Learning to recognise and accept
with grace the 'good' attention (an admiring glance, a complement from a
friend, the congratulations of those you love) can be quite hard. So
can dealing briskly with the over familiar 'complement' from a less
desirable source! It takes time to get used to the different look, for
both you AND those around you.

--
Kate XXXXXX
Lady Catherine, Wardrobe Mistress of the Chocolate Buttons
http://www.diceyhome.free-online.co.uk
Click on Kate's Pages and explore!