"Hidden Benefits of Body Size" (whoops, kind of long)

JMA wrote:

I second that it's an excellent book even though I haven't finished it
yet. Speaking of which, I would like to continue the discussion of the
Thin For Life book, I just haven't had the time lately to put together
a coherent thought with things all crazy around here. I plan on
following up soon, maybe tackling keys 2-5 right off the bat this
weekend for those still interested.

I bought the book because I was enjoying reading the discussion and have
been reading it. Now that I'm back from NY I can read more.

--
Walking on . . .
Laurie in Maine
207/110 60 inches of attitude!
Start: 2/02 Maintained since 2/03

"SnugBear" wrote in message
.4...
JMA wrote:

I second that it's an excellent book even though I haven't finished it
yet. Speaking of which, I would like to continue the discussion of the
Thin For Life book, I just haven't had the time lately to put together
a coherent thought with things all crazy around here. I plan on
following up soon, maybe tackling keys 2-5 right off the bat this
weekend for those still interested.

I bought the book because I was enjoying reading the discussion and have
been reading it. Now that I'm back from NY I can read more.


Super! Your insights are always worth reading I was able to get around
to the second chapter as you'll find when you catch up on posts

Jenn

On Thu, 9 Dec 2004 10:18:27 -0500, "Mary M/Ohio"
wrote:

I was intrigued with the idea when I first heard it a few years ago (from
Dr. Phil, I think) -- that we remain overweight for some "payoff" reason
that is usually unconscious. I had a hard time with that one, feeling as
though I would do anything to be thin, and hated being fat. Yet despite *22
years* of trying to get below 200, making more effort toward losing weight
than anyone else I knew, I couldn't do it. Now that I'm reading "The
Solution" by Laurel Mellin, I'm reminded of this concept because there's a
section in there called "The Hidden Benefits of Body Size." I found it
intriguing enough to quote here and hope it will spark some thought and
conversation:

"Maintaining a body size larger than our biologic comfort zone is how we
send wordless messages to others. Even if we spend years dieting and
sweating off pounds, this voice will express itself through a relentless
sabotage that results in weight staying rock solid.

"Little or none of this is conscious. We don't *purposely* sabotage our
healthy eating and scuttle our exercise plans to keep our weight high, *but
it may still be happening.* We seem to spontaneously regain the weight
without really knowing why.

"What is our challenge? To give that voice words and sound so that it can
speak directly and stop expressing itself through extra weight."

Then it goes on and gives examples of case studies of people who used their
weight to say, "I don't want you to know me. Stay away." or "I feel
powerless. Taking up space gives me power." or "Don't expect too much from
me." None of these reasons was realized consciously, and some of the people
were "aghast" to find out what they were using their weight to say.

There's also a box with many common messages people use:

"What does your weight say for you?

"Don't notice me.
I am not important.
I am powerful.
I feel powerless.
I am a good mother.
Feel sorry for me.
I don't want sex.
I am stable and dependable.
Don't mess with me.
Don't expect too much of me.
I am not perfect.
Stay away from me.
I feel angry.
I am afraid to be all I can be.
I am not worthy.
I have given up.
I am loyal to my family.
I don't want to grow up.
I don't want you to judge me.
I reject you.
I need space.
I need love."

I immediately recognized, "I don't want to grow up," and perhaps "I need
space," as well as "I need love" and a few more. I want to examine more of
these and see which apply -- indeed that's what the author suggests:

"Obviously, our weight speaks to the world in paragraphs, not just
sentences. If you maintain a slight distance ... saying to yourself, "I
wonder what my weight says for me now?" you'll probably come back to this
question over and over again, and come up with a different answer each time.
All the sentiments that your weight communicates for you can be brought to
your awareness and expressed verbally. Each time you use words, not your
weight, to express yourself, you'll *need* the extra weight less. Then it
becomes easier and easier to attain the weight you've determined is best for
your health and happiness."

If this rings a bell for any of you, I highly recommend borrowing this book
from the library. Again, it's "The Solution" by Laurel Mellin.

Mary M
325-163-145

Thanks for posting this Mary. I know there's something in the ideas
put forward here, but I've never been able to quite pin down how it
applies to me. I strongly suspect that there may be more than just
falling off the wagon for me, like you I've struggled to lose weight
(for 40 yearsin my case) and never quite got down to where I want to
be.

I can't relate consciously to any of the things on the list you've
quoted, but sometimes I do wonder if I get scared of drawing too much
attention to myself - I absolutely *hate* the comments that come when
I lose weight, and can feel myself dreading them. In some peverse
way, I want to lose weight but I don't want anyone else to notice.

Sounds an interesting book - I'm going to look out for it.

janice

On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 08:00:48 +0000, (janice) wrote:

I can't relate consciously to any of the things on the list you've
quoted, but sometimes I do wonder if I get scared of drawing too much
attention to myself - I absolutely *hate* the comments that come when
I lose weight, and can feel myself dreading them. In some peverse
way, I want to lose weight but I don't want anyone else to notice.

I know what you mean about this. I find myself rather dreading going
places where I'll see people whom I haven't seen in a year or two. I
know they mean to be flattering, but I find it really awkward and
uncomfortable. But usually they get over it after a while and then we
can enjoy each other again :-).

Chris

Leafing through alt.support.diet, I read Chris Braun's message of 16 Dec
2004:

On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 08:00:48 +0000, (janice) wrote:

I can't relate consciously to any of the things on the list you've
quoted, but sometimes I do wonder if I get scared of drawing too much
attention to myself - I absolutely *hate* the comments that come when
I lose weight, and can feel myself dreading them. In some peverse
way, I want to lose weight but I don't want anyone else to notice.

I know what you mean about this. I find myself rather dreading going
places where I'll see people whom I haven't seen in a year or two. I
know they mean to be flattering, but I find it really awkward and
uncomfortable. But usually they get over it after a while and then we
can enjoy each other again :-).

I get uncomfortable when they start wanting to know how I did it. "So what
did you do, go on Atkins?" "What motivated you?" They mean well, so I try
to be nice, but it gets old.

I've grown weary of trying to explain the concept of "caloric deficit."

Phil M.

--
"What counts in battle is what you do once the pain sets in." -John Short,
South African coach.

Leafing through alt.support.diet, I read Ignoramus5102's message of 16
Dec 2004:

I get uncomfortable when they start wanting to know how I did it. "So
what did you do, go on Atkins?" "What motivated you?" They mean well,
so I try to be nice, but it gets old.

I've grown weary of trying to explain the concept of "caloric
deficit."

I am not sure just what is so annoying about these questions. You can
always give a one line answer, like "I ate less and exercised".

That's what I do. But that sounds a little short, which could be construed
as rude. People want to know more than that. Some want to know every
detail. The odd thing about this is that I work in a hospital. Nurses and
even some doctors seem un-educated in this "eat less, exercise more" thing.

Phil M.

On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 14:34:20 GMT, "Phil M." wrote:

Leafing through alt.support.diet, I read Ignoramus5102's message of 16
Dec 2004:

I get uncomfortable when they start wanting to know how I did it. "So
what did you do, go on Atkins?" "What motivated you?" They mean well,
so I try to be nice, but it gets old.

I've grown weary of trying to explain the concept of "caloric
deficit."

I am not sure just what is so annoying about these questions. You can
always give a one line answer, like "I ate less and exercised".

That's what I do. But that sounds a little short, which could be construed
as rude. People want to know more than that. Some want to know every
detail. The odd thing about this is that I work in a hospital. Nurses and
even some doctors seem un-educated in this "eat less, exercise more" thing.

Phil M.

I think the truth is they're hoping you're going to tell them about
some miracle diet or other program that you've been on, that has
worked like magic for you and would do the same for them. If they
learn the truth, it doesn't seem so appealing.

janice

On Thu, 16 Dec 2004 14:34:20 GMT, "Phil M." wrote:

Leafing through alt.support.diet, I read Ignoramus5102's message of 16
Dec 2004:

I get uncomfortable when they start wanting to know how I did it. "So
what did you do, go on Atkins?" "What motivated you?" They mean well,
so I try to be nice, but it gets old.

I've grown weary of trying to explain the concept of "caloric
deficit."

I am not sure just what is so annoying about these questions. You can
always give a one line answer, like "I ate less and exercised".

That's what I do. But that sounds a little short, which could be construed
as rude. People want to know more than that. Some want to know every
detail. The odd thing about this is that I work in a hospital. Nurses and
even some doctors seem un-educated in this "eat less, exercise more" thing.

Phil M.

I think the truth is they're hoping you're going to tell them about
some miracle diet or other program that you've been on, that has
worked like magic for you and would do the same for them. If they
learn the truth, it doesn't seem so appealing.

janice

janice wrote:

I think the truth is they're hoping you're going to tell them about
some miracle diet or other program that you've been on, that has
worked like magic for you and would do the same for them. If they
learn the truth, it doesn't seem so appealing.

I love to see their eyes glaze over when I say "I walked eight miles a day
and ate half the amount of food I had been"

--
Walking on . . .
Laurie in Maine
207/110 60 inches of attitude!
Start: 2/02 Maintained since 2/03

janice wrote:

I think the truth is they're hoping you're going to tell them about
some miracle diet or other program that you've been on, that has
worked like magic for you and would do the same for them. If they
learn the truth, it doesn't seem so appealing.

I love to see their eyes glaze over when I say "I walked eight miles a day
and ate half the amount of food I had been"

--
Walking on . . .
Laurie in Maine
207/110 60 inches of attitude!
Start: 2/02 Maintained since 2/03