Weird Repression

I've got something really weird going on. It turns out I can swim. I
not only can swim, I'm a good swimmer. I have good form on five
different strokes and can do lap after lap. The teacher is wondering
why I signed up for adult swimming lessons.

I'm wondering how I could have repressed this. I recall taking a lot of
swimming lessons as a child, and I recall how much I hated being blind
in the pool, and how hard it was to do a front crawl with water always
splashing into my mouth... what I didn't recall until a few days ago is
that I took the Red Cross Life Saving course as a teen-ager. I totally
forgot that I DID learn! I was only recalling how hard it was to learn.

Then yesterday I'm driving home and my mind is wandering and I recalled
out of absolutely no where that I swam in college. I did it in a PE
class but I talked about going out for the team.

How could I have totally forgotten this? I mean, it was so deeply
buried that I paid $40 for an adult swimming lesson class.

I must have some weird horrible experience involving water that is
trying to protect me or something.

It's kind of weird when you spot this sort of gap in your own mind.
I've also got a gap the year my grandfather died and my parents split up
and my baby brother was born and we moved houses, but that was a
particularly good year to forget and I never minded losing that one.

Anyone else have this sort of lack of awareness?

This makes me think about how seriously I was in denial about why I was
fat. (Because I ate too much and exercised too little, but I assure you
that wasn't the answer I would have given you.) Am I just particularly
dense?

Dally

Dally wrote:

Am I just particularly dense?

Clearly not. If you were particularly dense you'd sink.

--
Paul (who wanted to be first with that)

"Paul Turner" wrote in message
...
Dally wrote:

Am I just particularly dense?

Clearly not. If you were particularly dense you'd sink.

--
Paul (who wanted to be first with that)

LOL! Thanks for the chuckle, Paul!

Heidi

"Paul Turner" wrote in message
...
Dally wrote:

Am I just particularly dense?

Clearly not. If you were particularly dense you'd sink.

--
Paul (who wanted to be first with that)

LOL! Thanks for the chuckle, Paul!

Heidi

"Dally" wrote in message
...
I've got something really weird going on. It turns out I can swim. I
not only can swim, I'm a good swimmer. I have good form on five
different strokes and can do lap after lap. The teacher is wondering
why I signed up for adult swimming lessons.

I'm wondering how I could have repressed this. I recall taking a lot of
swimming lessons as a child, and I recall how much I hated being blind
in the pool, and how hard it was to do a front crawl with water always
splashing into my mouth... what I didn't recall until a few days ago is
that I took the Red Cross Life Saving course as a teen-ager. I totally
forgot that I DID learn! I was only recalling how hard it was to learn.

Then yesterday I'm driving home and my mind is wandering and I recalled
out of absolutely no where that I swam in college. I did it in a PE
class but I talked about going out for the team.

How could I have totally forgotten this? I mean, it was so deeply
buried that I paid $40 for an adult swimming lesson class.

I must have some weird horrible experience involving water that is
trying to protect me or something.

It's kind of weird when you spot this sort of gap in your own mind.
I've also got a gap the year my grandfather died and my parents split up
and my baby brother was born and we moved houses, but that was a
particularly good year to forget and I never minded losing that one.

Anyone else have this sort of lack of awareness?

This makes me think about how seriously I was in denial about why I was
fat. (Because I ate too much and exercised too little, but I assure you
that wasn't the answer I would have given you.) Am I just particularly
dense?

Dally


It doesn't seem dense to me, or particularly weird! Perhaps it wasn't
something bad that happened, but something about how you FELT related to
swimming/fitness?

Either way, I'm sure you're grateful simply to have re-discovered yourself
in the water! Have fun!

Heidi

"Dally" wrote in message
...
I've got something really weird going on. It turns out I can swim.
I'm wondering how I could have repressed this.
Then yesterday I'm driving home and my mind is wandering and I recalled
out of absolutely no where that I swam in college. I did it in a PE class
but I talked about going out for the team.

How could I have totally forgotten this? I mean, it was so deeply buried
that I paid $40 for an adult swimming lesson class.


Dally


Did you suffer any kind of accident or serious illness or other trauma that
year? I ask because I was hit by a car when I was 6 years old. I was
thrown completely up above the car that hit me and landed on the sidewalk,
but I was not injured -- just one little scratch and "the wind knocked out
of me" (or possibly actually unconscious for a few minutes). I still have a
crystal-clear memory of the events leading up to the accident, of starting
across the street, and and of looking up from the sidewalk to see people
gathered around me. But I have never been able to recall the accident
itself (and I have tried over the years, but can never bring forth any type
of recollection). I wonder if something like this could have caused your
memory lapse (although I admit that there is a significant difference
between my loss of a few minutes and your loss of an entire sequence of
events).

MaryL

"Dally" wrote in message
...
I've got something really weird going on. It turns out I can swim.
I'm wondering how I could have repressed this.
Then yesterday I'm driving home and my mind is wandering and I recalled
out of absolutely no where that I swam in college. I did it in a PE class
but I talked about going out for the team.

How could I have totally forgotten this? I mean, it was so deeply buried
that I paid $40 for an adult swimming lesson class.


Dally


Did you suffer any kind of accident or serious illness or other trauma that
year? I ask because I was hit by a car when I was 6 years old. I was
thrown completely up above the car that hit me and landed on the sidewalk,
but I was not injured -- just one little scratch and "the wind knocked out
of me" (or possibly actually unconscious for a few minutes). I still have a
crystal-clear memory of the events leading up to the accident, of starting
across the street, and and of looking up from the sidewalk to see people
gathered around me. But I have never been able to recall the accident
itself (and I have tried over the years, but can never bring forth any type
of recollection). I wonder if something like this could have caused your
memory lapse (although I admit that there is a significant difference
between my loss of a few minutes and your loss of an entire sequence of
events).

MaryL

On Sat, 06 Nov 2004 10:45:50 -0500, Dally wrote:

I've got something really weird going on. It turns out I can swim. I
not only can swim, I'm a good swimmer. I have good form on five
different strokes and can do lap after lap. The teacher is wondering
why I signed up for adult swimming lessons.

I'm wondering how I could have repressed this. I recall taking a lot of
swimming lessons as a child, and I recall how much I hated being blind
in the pool, and how hard it was to do a front crawl with water always
splashing into my mouth... what I didn't recall until a few days ago is
that I took the Red Cross Life Saving course as a teen-ager. I totally
forgot that I DID learn! I was only recalling how hard it was to learn.

Then yesterday I'm driving home and my mind is wandering and I recalled
out of absolutely no where that I swam in college. I did it in a PE
class but I talked about going out for the team.

How could I have totally forgotten this? I mean, it was so deeply
buried that I paid $40 for an adult swimming lesson class.

I must have some weird horrible experience involving water that is
trying to protect me or something.

Yowza! That is weird!

I learned to swim really young... and I wanted to and loved it. Can't
imagine forgetting that I know how, even as much as my memory slips
lately. G


It's kind of weird when you spot this sort of gap in your own mind.
I've also got a gap the year my grandfather died and my parents split up
and my baby brother was born and we moved houses, but that was a
particularly good year to forget and I never minded losing that one.

Anyone else have this sort of lack of awareness?


Not really, no. Though I have a different sort... if something affects
me badly, I may get to where I can't stand that particular thing
anymore. Ever.

I had one, and only one blackout after drinking in college... and was
really sick feeling the next day. I found that I can't STAND the smell
or taste of Jack Daniels any more. Period. That's it.

The same thing happened when I was really young. I asked my father for
a cigarette (He smoked then.) and he let me puff on one. I coughed ALL
NIGHT... and never touched another. Ever.

Mind you... these are not bad things...

I also won't drink and then eat something with a lot of sugar because
of an episode in college where I got really sick.



This makes me think about how seriously I was in denial about why I was
fat. (Because I ate too much and exercised too little, but I assure you
that wasn't the answer I would have given you.) Am I just particularly
dense?


If you've got a total blank on the swimming thing... is there family
you could ask as to whether you ever had a really bad experience
involving water?

Cynthia
262/247.5/225

On Sat, 06 Nov 2004 10:45:50 -0500, Dally wrote:

I've got something really weird going on. It turns out I can swim. I
not only can swim, I'm a good swimmer. I have good form on five
different strokes and can do lap after lap. The teacher is wondering
why I signed up for adult swimming lessons.

I'm wondering how I could have repressed this. I recall taking a lot of
swimming lessons as a child, and I recall how much I hated being blind
in the pool, and how hard it was to do a front crawl with water always
splashing into my mouth... what I didn't recall until a few days ago is
that I took the Red Cross Life Saving course as a teen-ager. I totally
forgot that I DID learn! I was only recalling how hard it was to learn.

That is spooky, Dally! I've heard about people repressing memories of
things like abuse, although I've never really understood how one can
do that, but to forget something like this is strange. I guess
perhaps something unfortunate did happen that you don't remember.

I've kept a diary since I was a child, and I have recently been
reading back over them for the first time in years (if not ever), and
the biggest things I find I don't remember are something like
individuals who didn't figure in my life for very long, such as a
co-worker, but nothing as big as your swimming.

Does it make you wonder what else you don't recall?

janice

"Dally" wrote in message
...
I've got something really weird going on. It turns out I can swim. I not
only can swim, I'm a good swimmer. I have good form on five different
strokes and can do lap after lap. The teacher is wondering why I signed
up for adult swimming lessons.

I'm wondering how I could have repressed this. I recall taking a lot of
swimming lessons as a child, and I recall how much I hated being blind in
the pool, and how hard it was to do a front crawl with water always
splashing into my mouth... what I didn't recall until a few days ago is
that I took the Red Cross Life Saving course as a teen-ager. I totally
forgot that I DID learn! I was only recalling how hard it was to learn.

Then yesterday I'm driving home and my mind is wandering and I recalled
out of absolutely no where that I swam in college. I did it in a PE class
but I talked about going out for the team.

How could I have totally forgotten this? I mean, it was so deeply buried
that I paid $40 for an adult swimming lesson class.

I must have some weird horrible experience involving water that is trying
to protect me or something.

It's kind of weird when you spot this sort of gap in your own mind. I've
also got a gap the year my grandfather died and my parents split up and my
baby brother was born and we moved houses, but that was a particularly
good year to forget and I never minded losing that one.

Anyone else have this sort of lack of awareness?

This makes me think about how seriously I was in denial about why I was
fat. (Because I ate too much and exercised too little, but I assure you
that wasn't the answer I would have given you.) Am I just particularly
dense?

Dally


No, you are not particularly dense, but like me, you may be excessively good
at denial (as you have touched upon). Yes, I have had serious "lack of
awareness." And for me, I think the repression is directly related to weight
problems that have plagued me. Stuff down the bad thoughts -- stuff down bad
memories -- then you can't differentiate between the emotions you're
stuffing down so any emotion results in overeating. And you end up not
feeling much at all except fat -- so you stuff down that discomfort with
more food which only makes you fatter. (I am talking about myself of
course.) I am a person who can remember every childhood friend's phone
number, who can remember the date and time of things that happened 30 years
ago, who can remember my girlfriends' boyfriends' names long after they've
forgotten them, who can remember long-ago events in amazing detail -- but
there are whole years missing from my memory -- largely 1981-1983 (seven
people close to me died within that time including two from my household) --
and guess what -- somehow 100 lbs latched onto my body during that
"blackout" period.

I do know that "The Solution" by Laurel Mellin is teaching me to deal with
emotions that I should have learned how to deal with when I was a child --
but didn't. For me, her book has caused major lightbulbs to go on
(Broadway-style in fact) -- and proof that it is somehow working for me is
that during and following a recent fight with BF that would have sent me
straight to the junk food aisles, I actually expressed negative feelings in
a sane manner, instead of stuffing them down. I have also let myself feel
uncomfortable feelings all the way through without trying to subvert them
midstream. This is major progress for me. I think those who don't understand
might find the book almost insulting in its elementary simplicity, but it's
just that kind of simplicity and "back-to-basics" learning when it comes to
emotions that I have been lacking all my life. I have often considered
counseling but have also wanted to "do it myself," though if I found the
right counselor I could perhaps make better strides. I just don't want to
spend a fortune looking for that right person and investing time in the
wrong ones. Thanks for bringing up a thought-provoking subject.

Mary