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#21
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Worried about my girlfriend (Any way to encourage an obese person to want to lose weight)
Dear Dan B.,
I don't know the age of your girlfriend, but from the information you provide she is probably under 35 years of age. This may sound counterintuitive but you must take steps to accept her at the size she is now. Because if she is happy at her present size, she probably may have time and again thought you have been nagging her, even though I admire her strength of character for changing the subject, dominating the conversation, and using the silent treatment on you. You may have not gotten her right message. Which is: If she wants to try to lose weight again, she will do it IF and WHEN she is ready. However, importantly, assuming you are of a similar age you are in an enviable position to keep her busy and, as we Americans say, "out there", which means being where other young people are. Not where the stakes are ultrahigh like at a bar where chic people dance or at a crowded beach; but at, say, rock concerts, walking in the park, art openings, museums, zoos, whatever. Too busy to eat, and, ultimately, too tired to eat, sometimes. This is called behavior modification. If she expresses the least bit of interest in losing weight, run with it. Try to work with her dieting; but if you can't, don't need to, or won't, neither taunt her with food nor hang back. (Example of hanging back borderline-too much: I once had a pudgy boyfriend, who after nagging me to lose weight for months, finally stopped. I'd suddenly expressed an idle interest in managing (NOT losing) weight with a weight loss support group, nothing more. I was 36 years old, and passive as hell, not like your girlfriend (more power to her!) With lightning speed, he was on the new project like white on rice. He'd accompanied me to a weight loss support group, paid for most of my sessions, and then sat in the back doing work he'd taken home with him until the end-of-meeting 10 minute lite exercise session--the only part he participated in. He did not lose an ounce, he wanted *only* a hard-bodied girlfriend. I lost and lost and lost .... 50 pounds and then maybe another 190 ... .... We'd broken up later.) I hope I have given you food for thought. Tina 226/197/146/143 Balanced Three pounds above my goal and wanting to maintain that "Dan B" wrote in message ... "Dan B" wrote in message ... Hello, I've been looking at this newsgroup for a while now and have finally decided to post. Basically I have a girlfriend who is very overweight, A size 24 in UK terms, not sure what that is elsewhere. Not a clue what her weight is because she wont allow us to have scales in the house but I would say she is around 18 stone at 5"2. The trouble is that I can't approach her on the subject because the first time i mention it she will change the subject quickly and if i mention it again then im "going on" and we end up having an arguement and not speaking for the rest of the day. She says that the more i mention it the more she is likely to eat or get upset so I say nothing but I dearly love her and am VERY concerned. I'm worried she will go on to get diabetes (which ultimately killed my father) or heart disease but with her the urgency isnt there since she would probably not get these things until she's "older". I realise that she isnt ever going to be stick thin, and I dont want her to be, but we both know that at the moment she is very overweight. If she could manage to go down a few sizes (or weight if i could convince her to get some scales) i know she would be far healthier. Is there anything I can do to encourage her to lose weight or do i just sit back and watch my lovely baby getting more and more at risk of disease. Thankyou for whatever thoughts you can offer. Dan Just a few details... Neither of us drink or smoke at all. She seems to have always been overweight in photos and as far as i know hasnt tried to diet before. She had a motorbike accident when she was younger and went for a long period of being out of work which didnt help matters. She cant really do running or jogging because her legs though healed now were smashed up pretty bad in her accident and cause her pain if used too much. Her father is very slim but her mother is fairly large though not as large and her brother though very tall is rather fat. |
#22
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Worried about my girlfriend (Any way to encourage an obese person to want to lose weight)
While I know you want the best for her, I have to agree with what many
others have said here. Tread very gently and don't make an issue of her weight. I still feel damaged 40 years on from the hostile attitude my parents took when I first gained weight (and I'm talking about reaching around 170 lb, nothing like I got to later on). I couldn't handle it if my DH were to say anything critical, although he's lived with many many efforts on my part to subdue my weight, and has never criticised me for which I am truly grateful. janice 233/161/133 On Wed, 1 Oct 2003 10:39:40 +0100, "Dan B" wrote: Hello, I've been looking at this newsgroup for a while now and have finally decided to post. Basically I have a girlfriend who is very overweight, A size 24 in UK terms, not sure what that is elsewhere. Not a clue what her weight is because she wont allow us to have scales in the house but I would say she is around 18 stone at 5"2. The trouble is that I can't approach her on the subject because the first time i mention it she will change the subject quickly and if i mention it again then im "going on" and we end up having an arguement and not speaking for the rest of the day. She says that the more i mention it the more she is likely to eat or get upset so I say nothing but I dearly love her and am VERY concerned. I'm worried she will go on to get diabetes (which ultimately killed my father) or heart disease but with her the urgency isnt there since she would probably not get these things until she's "older". I realise that she isnt ever going to be stick thin, and I dont want her to be, but we both know that at the moment she is very overweight. If she could manage to go down a few sizes (or weight if i could convince her to get some scales) i know she would be far healthier. Is there anything I can do to encourage her to lose weight or do i just sit back and watch my lovely baby getting more and more at risk of disease. Thankyou for whatever thoughts you can offer. Dan |
#23
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Worried about my girlfriend (Any way to encourage an obese person to want to lose weight)
"Dan B" wrote in message ... Hello, I've been looking at this newsgroup for a while now and have finally decided to post. Basically I have a girlfriend who is very overweight, A size 24 in UK terms, not sure what that is elsewhere. Not a clue what her weight is because she wont allow us to have scales in the house but I would say she is around 18 stone at 5"2. The trouble is that I can't approach her on the subject because the first time i mention it she will change the subject quickly and if i mention it again then im "going on" and we end up having an arguement and not speaking for the rest of the day. She says that the more i mention it the more she is likely to eat or get upset so I say nothing but I dearly love her and am VERY concerned. I'm worried she will go on to get diabetes (which ultimately killed my father) or heart disease but with her the urgency isnt there since she would probably not get these things until she's "older". I realise that she isnt ever going to be stick thin, and I dont want her to be, but we both know that at the moment she is very overweight. If she could manage to go down a few sizes (or weight if i could convince her to get some scales) i know she would be far healthier. Is there anything I can do to encourage her to lose weight or do i just sit back and watch my lovely baby getting more and more at risk of disease. Thankyou for whatever thoughts you can offer. The old adage, "you can lead a horse to water....yada yada...." Seriously, it's true. I think that the best thing you can do for her is to adopt a new lifestyle yourself - eat healthy, shop healthy, exercise religiously. Set a good example, but don't force it on her. She may see the changes in you - more energy, slimmer appearance, etc, and decide that she wants that for herself also. And if she doesn't, it sounds like the lifestyle change wouldn't hurt you either... det |
#24
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Worried about my girlfriend (Any way to encourage an obese person to want to lose weight)
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#25
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Worried about my girlfriend (Any way to encourage an obese person to want to lose weight)
In article , George
wrote: Gosh, no kidding. My parents were unhappy (particularly my mother), when I was a mere 140 pounds in high school. I felt unloved totally. I felt unacceptable. It was horrible. It did not make me want to diet. Conversely, having found a good man who loves me and whom I love, I am quite happy to moderate my choices, cook decent meals and get some regular exercise. Because, we only have so many years on this planet and I want to enjoy them with my guy. Fortunately, he feels the same way. Is george your real name? |
#26
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Worried about my girlfriend (Any way to encourage an obese person to want to lose weight)
On Thu, 02 Oct 2003 18:16:40 -0400, Carol Frilegh
wrote: Is george your real name? I think this is Cynthia, Carol. but I have to confess I'm getting very confused as we also have a new poster called George who is a man. Cynthia, if you post under the name of George, I'd find it really helpful if you put your name in the sig line! janice 233/161/133 |
#27
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Worried about my girlfriend (Any way to encourage an obese person to want to lose weight)
On Wed, 1 Oct 2003 10:39:40 +0100, "Dan B"
wrote: The trouble is that I can't approach her on the subject because the first time i mention it she will change the subject quickly and if i mention it again then im "going on" and we end up having an arguement and not speaking for the rest of the day. Your girlfriend is going to be overweight until she decides she wants to do something about it. What makes you think that just because you don't like it, or even if you're concerned for her health, that she's going to do something about because of that? You should drop by an Al Anon meeting some day. They will teach you in a hurry that you can't control anyone else's life decisions. All you CAN do is be supportive if the time ever comes that she decides that she wants to lose weight. If her body weight is something that bothers you so much that you can't accept it, then maybe you should get out of the relationship. That is the only part of this equation that you do control. Mind you, I'm saying this as someone who has lost weight and kept it off for six years now. Nonetheless, it's up to your girlfriend to make the decisions concerning her body weight. Barbara Hirsch, Publisher OBESITY MEDS AND RESEARCH NEWS The latest in obesity research and weight loss drug development http://www.obesity-news.com/ |
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